Hi everyone,

I posted a very lengthy story of my current situation a while back, but I hadn't gotten a reply as I feel I honestly did blab WAY too much, haha.

I would like to simplify in hopes of response. My ex and I had a relationship of nearly 6 years together - we are both 25 years old. After months and months of trying to stick it out as I feel we just could not fully let go, I made the move to live with a friend 15 minutes away back in my hometown. This happened Aug. 18th of this year.
My ex & I have always been opposites, but surely made a stable and happy couple for the most part. The MAIN issue was that he was always a homebody and I am not so much. and I am a very social girl and he rarely wanted to get up to much. No travelling unless it was forced upon him, no outings with friends together, etc. He accepted a job 2.5 hours away for a year, and that is really when our relationship went downhill. With him only home 4 days every 10 and with his lack of interest to do fun things, I was really beginning to question if we should continue or not... I would express these issues so, so many times. And he never made any attempts for a solution - he would always say "go ahead, babe.. do whatever, I just don't really want to" type of things.

Very beginning of this year, halfway through his out of town work project, my sister and I went to Mexico. My inner pain and emptiness led me to be unfaithful to my boyfriend - I could not believe I even had it in me, but I was slowly losing sight of our bond. I spent the next day getting physically sick in the hotel just from guilt alone. My ex found out soon after our return, so he left to stay at his parents' house for quite some time while I remained at our home. He was so devastated, and I was, too. I just couldn't believe I jeopardized the rest of our lives together and begged for him to come back and work things out. He eventually did, and we tried for months and never broke up. It did get better but never 100%, as he was very damaged. The week I finally prepared to move out, he really didn't want me to go; a part of me certainly didn't want to either.. but I had felt so stuck that I figured we should give it a try and see what happens - maybe that would clear our minds and maybe we could rekindle our bond. We parted on very good terms.

Up to date, we have still kept in contact and I stay overnight at least once every two weeks. It has actually gotten more frequent the past month to about once/sometimes twice every week. It's as if absolutely nothing has happened. We've spent many years together for a young couple, and have gone through so much together. Our families were SO close, too. When I come over we just enjoy each others' company, laugh, snuggle, have sex, everything. It is SO relaxing and relieves any stress I'm feeling immensely.

My ex has changed for the better since I left in more than a few ways. He now goes out quite often, works out at the gym 6 days a week, etc. All these things I had wished he would take up whilst we were together!! So I am very happy for him in that sense, and it's great he has realized he has real interests and whatnot. Perhaps we were far too comfortable in our relationship and that masked his ability to push himself into these things.

So, I felt really content that we are still seeing each other.. I couldn't imagine losing him in my life. BUT.... Unfortunately, now I've heard some things from mutual friends back where he is still living involving him and other women. Now, I absolutely know this is now none of my business to take up with him, and he is obviously allowed to be doing these things. But, oh my God, did it ever shatter my heart. This weekend I called him bawling my eyes out after hearing this for the second time, and wanted to express that I would like to collect the rest of my belongings and return his house key. As well as that I can't continue to see him. a.) what is the point/what are we doing? b.) it really, really does hurt me to think he is with other girls. Dramatic/immature? Sure. I have been so naive and lived in this bubble of "I'm the only one he has" or that "he isn't interested in *anyone* else, no way." But I am still so invested in him and deep down I really did feel like we were just playing 'pretend break-up' and that we would get back together in possibly a year at most. When I told him this, he cried and assured me that he cannot lose me in his life. After me bawling and us talking for a couple hours, we had a great night and everything was back to normal... on the surface at least for me. This sadly really disturbs me. I've been his only serious relationship and if I remember correctly, he has only had sex with one other girl prior to us getting together.

Ugh, I'm just torn. I know I shouldn't have a say, but it hurts my heart after confirming what he's been doing, and I don't want to necessarily be the side ex girlfriend he's comfortable with at the end of the weekend after he's potentially had sexual relations with other girls. Internally, I am strongly possessive over him (I promise I am not a crazy b*tch who shows it, haha).

Should we still see each other? Should I propose something further, or let go forever? It's only been 4 months for goodness sake, but I CANNOT lose him to another girl. Ever since I moved in with my friend, I constantly feel homesick and I haven't been able to shake it as much as I've tried. I miss him and think about him everyday. I know he feels the same way also.

Please, any suggestions would be wonderful! I must say I'm also nervous that we may just fall into the same predicament as before, though... and then we would be right back where we ended.