Hy guys, this is my first thread here... Nice to meet you! First of all, please forgive my language mistakes, I'm not English but I'll try to do my best.
Okaay, so... I've got this friend. We met a year ago and then started to chat on Facebook. Than he asked me my number, and we continued on whatsapp. At the beginning I thought he was a little interested in me, but he never took a decision and never asked me to go out together. We went on like this till April, when he called me and asked me to help him with his electoral campaign (he is trying to enter the council of our town). I'm not interested in politics at all, but I had already started to like him by that time so I said yes. In fact, we started to chat every single day and we organized some meetings as well. One evening he asked me to go on a walk, we stayed together for a couple of hours and I felt really good; I suppose it was than that I started to like him seriously. He also asked me if I wanted to go on holiday to Spain in August with him and two of his friends (both engaged), I was a little confused but I accepted - to tell the truth I was asking myself why he had asked ME. We have been seeing each other for a month right now; one morning we both skipped our classes (without our parents knowing) in order to have a coffee together. We talked and laughed a lot. Some other times I've just helped him with his campaign, guessing if he really needed my help or if it was just an excuse to spend some time with me. To tell the truth, I've stood him up three or four times because I felt like I had to try to take him out of my mind, but then I always changed my mind. One evening around midnight he asked me to go out for a walk because he wanted to talk about a sentimental matter. I said no because my parents wouldn't have let me, but I went on thinking about him all night long. The following day we went out together and he told me that he had been refused by his crush; it really hurt me, I did my best not to cry. Then he asked me if there was somebody I liked, and I said 'Yes, there is, but he loves another.' I was obviously talking about him, but he didn't understand. One week later, the day before yesterday, we went to take an ice cream late in the evening. We spent three wonderful hours together (even if my heart hurt a little), talking about ourselves, our fears, our planes for the future. At a certain point we sat on a bench (I was literally falling in his eyes) while we were taking, and then in a very natural way he laid his head on my lap and we stayed like that for half an hour more or less. I started to play with his hair, and then he asked me if I liked everything about my self or if I would change something if I could. I told him that I hate everything about myself, that I would change my body and my personality entirely if I could, because I'm often afraid people don't like me, and then he said: 'Like... the guy you like?', and I: 'Exactly.' And him: 'It doesn't matter; you're cute, you're clever. I like you.' (I'm translating from Italian, these are not the original words...). On our way back he became spiteful, he tried several times to pull me out of the sidewalk and he rubbed my cheek. Than he asked me if there was somebody I really like for his physical appearance, and he made me an example of a girl we both know that he really likes for her body even if she is a lot younger than us. I told him yes, and I told him that he knew that person (once again I was talking about him), he asked if that person was him and then he made other examples but I went on denying. When we parted he hugged me and told me that he had had a great time with me. Yesterday evening I went to a party in his house. There were a lot of people I didn't know, and he didn't spend neither a couple of minutes with me. He just asked me why I wasn't dancing and if I liked the party, that's all. I went home at around midnight because I felt horrible and I didn't have much to do there. I have come to a conclusion: he is an extrovert. He has a lot of friends (and quite a lot of female friends too) and he treats all of them as he treated me: he hugs them, he looks for physical contact, he takes them out for long phylosophical walks. But from my point of view it didn't end well for him, because I'm desperately in love with him. And he only thinks of me as a 'not so important friend'. That's the ugly truth. Someday his messages are cold, someday he just wants to be with me. But it hurts, because I'miss never gonna be the one. What should I do? Should I tell him about my feelings, even if this could mean the end of our friendship? Sometimes I think that being with him as a friend is better than not being with him at all, while other days I think that I should simply break up our friendship as soon as I can in order to try to suffer less. Someday I just want to wait till we go to Spain together to see what happens. If I tell him the truth right now, maybe we'll never go on holiday together, and I don't know if I wanna lose this opportunity. Maybe I should just hold on till August, or maybe I should just get out of his life. What would you do if you were me?
Please friends, help me! And forgive my language mistakes...