Did too much

[dp22]

So I met this girl on an app a few months ago but she was about two hours away from where I live so I never really intended to do anything with her but she was nice to talk to, however the more we talked the more we liked each other and eventually I decided I have to take her out and see if I even like her In person, so I did and we got along really well and since then I took her a few thoughtful and fancy dates- comedy show, minigolf movies fancy restaurants etc and things were really good between us and I started liking her more and more, she had a bad ex that cheated on her and really hurt her so she was having trouble making a full commitment and I tried my best to show her I'm not like that, I am quite romantic and liked making her feel special so amongst these normally at the end before we said good bye Id give her something with a cute note, flowers chocolates and 1 time some earings when I hadn’t seen her in a month cause of my exams. During these exams I also wrote her a letter, translated it to French and hand wrote it then posted it to her (shes half French) she said it made her cry and just wanted to keep re reading it.

Things havnt been all perfect the whole time though and when we argue its mainly cause I want to see her and she wont want to or she cancels or something an I geuss I get persistent cause when we do go out we have a great time, and a couple of times shes says yeah I'm glad I did come out. Anyway during this whole time she didn’t want me to meet her parents and I did cause I am serious about her and never felt like this about a girl, but she said they just make a big deal she didn’t want that right now. Well eventually she came up to my place where I had a nice night planed for her gave her a massage, then set up a bath with, bubbly and chocolate covered strawberries, whilst she was in there I made a lobster meal with oysters, seafood chowder and couple of her favourite foods. After that I had to find a job over the summer for my degree and I found one in the town next to hers so I moved down there, we hung out a bit but I was expecting to see her a lot more, we had more arguments over that, and at times it was hard to tell if she really liked me, after one of these arguments she came over a couple of days later and apologised started telling me how lucky she was to have me etc. and things were good.

Eventually I went in and met the parents and they seemed to like me and said I was lovely. Since then we saw each other a couple of times a week she said I was her boyfriend and it was looking good. One of the things that we have in common is that we want to travel, she is doing this Canada work experience thing next December and I had planed to do a holiday there and America after my degree so that’s the same time but after hearing about the working holiday it sounded like a better idea and thought we could do it together which she said shed like to. Ill come back to this. Another thing she wanted to do was camping so I said we could try in the summer, well Christmas came I got her a cookbook (inside joke) and at the back attached was a beauty massage voucher for her and her mum for a day. I also made her family a hamper, adding some French things in it. My mum invited her to come up with me for Christmas and she agreed, we stayed for a couple of nights had a good time but she forgot to txt her parents she was staying the extra night and they panicked we explained but think her mum was still upset. We planned to do a roadtrip/camping from the 29th to the 4th with us stoping at their batch for new years cause its her birthday then to and anyway things were good I got everything we needed packed was already then the night before she cancled and wouldn’t give a proper reason, so I went round the next day to see whats wrong and if nothing if we could go, she didn’t have anything else to do and I couldn’t understand why, so I was quite pushy which I regret now, and she got a bit pissed off, I went round again the next day, to try apologise but it didn’t really work and the mum I think started to not like me cause I was coming around unannounced which was stupid of me, I just thought If I could get her out and to talk to me id find out what was wrong etc. I happened to also mention to the mum that I was thinking of doing the working holiday with her.

I was unaware this and the other stuff was making the mum not like me as she was still friendly. Well the next day they were going to the batch for new years eve which she had invited me to come but then said no and I got upset, cause I really wanted to spend her birthday with her and go into the new year together. She said she let me know the next day and I didn’t know why she wouldn’t want me if she likes me but shed say stuff like she does want me to come but just doesn’t know, she said shed let me know later that day and eventually she said I could come down in the night at 10 when I was about to leave I asked for the address but she wouldn’t give it but in a joking way so I thought she was just playing, then the brother randomly sent me a message with address and said it was fine to come so I headed out, about 15 minutes away from it she finally replied when I said I was almost there and she was like noooo, but I was like already there so I went in and it was good met more of the family and everything was good. I had a bit of an extravagant present for her though, when she was asleep I set up balloons a sign then clothes, a necklace chocolates, a pair of shoes and sports top and pants, all under a happy birthdays sign. She had told me she doesn’t like her birthdays so I told her id try make it a bit special, well when she saw it she was abit taken aback and didn’t know what to do but later told me she did like it just didn’t expect it.

Anyway she then went out shopping with her mum and grandma, and apparently all the stuff I've done for her and that I was planning to do the Canada thing with her scared them and said she shouldn’t see me any more. During this time I was at home talking to the granddad and he mentioned that she looked overwhelmed by the gift and I knew it too and he was really good about it and I geuss I realized I was smothering her and needed to give her more space. Anyway when she got back I went and talked to her she told me what the mum and grandma said, and that she was starting to lean towards how they were thinking, but still likes me and just doesn’t know what she feels at the moment, I really like her and the granddad and dad were good about it and could see I genuinely cared about her but that I should just give her more space, the mum on the other hand I don’t think feels the same way but I tried talking to her after I finished with Elisa, and she said she could tell I was a really nice guy but I was scaring them with all the things I did and that it was elisas dream to go to Canada not mine, I told her that she had told me she would want me to come but then the mum said I don’t think she does still and its an experience she should do on her own, which I completely disagree with, experiencing all these amazing things and seeing all this stuff overseas is something I think is a lot nicer to share with someone else and Elisa thought the same thing but I have no idea how she feels about that now. Me and the mum talked some more and I tried to explain that I care about her a lot and I just wanted make her feel special, she just said that she was upset cause elisa was upset and if she was happy shed be happy but I think you two should be friends, I told her elisa still liked me and that I am going to give her more space, I've acted stupidly, and this is my first real relationship and I'm not really sure what I'm doing I just like her a lot and do my best to show her that. She said I was this close to pushing her away completely but if I was going to give her more space to prove it to her. I just apologised to her again thanked the grandparents and said bye to everyone and left.

I really do like her so much and in my head the things I planned for her were meant to just make her happy and make it her best birthday yet. I still really want to do the Canada thing with her too and had actually applied before any of this happened but hadn’t told anyone cause I wanted to surprise Elisa. I know I need to give her some space and hope things work out and the mum likes me again cause I think shes having a huge influence on how Elisa feels. Any advice right now would be greatly appreciated cause i want to make this right so bad cause really i brought it on myself. We were actually meant to go camping tomorrow but that wont happen now either. She did message me when I got home to check I arrived safe and I apologized again and explained I was just trying to make it a special day for her but to forget about us for the day and enjoy her birthday. She said not to worry about it and just enjoy the new year but yeah now I really don’t know how she feels if she just wants me as a friend or is going to try get through this. I really don’t think I could be just her friend though cause I would never see her as just that.

[smackie9]

Ya total over kill. Dude you don't put a girl up on a pedestal, she wants to be treated like anyone else. When you try too hard, and try to BUY their affection...it gets creepy and sickening. All those things should be spread out over time, and increase the level of gifts, etc when you have been together for years or married even. You are smothering her....total rookie move. Tip: be kool and aloof sometimes so she can miss your attention. ****To be less available is to be more desirable****. And you better cut out the crap about "I haven't told her yet but I'm going with her....." dude you are turning fatal. It's going to piss her off. You don't just go ahead and invite yourself without discussing it with her. Stop it now!

Stop everything, stop your plans, stop talking to her, just let her have some space to breath.

[dp22]

Ya total over kill. Dude you don't put a girl up on a pedestal, she wants to be treated like anyone else. When you try too hard, and try to BUY their affection...it gets creepy and sickening. All those things should be spread out over time, and increase the level of gifts, etc when you have been together for years or married even. You are smothering her....total rookie move. Tip: be kool and aloof sometimes so she can miss your attention. ****To be less available is to be more desirable****. And you better cut out the crap about "I haven't told her yet but I'm going with her....." dude you are turning fatal. It's going to piss her off. You don't just go ahead and invite yourself without discussing it with her. Stop it now!

Stop everything, stop your plans, stop talking to her, just let her have some space to breath.

I have discussed it with her before i applied i asked on multiple occasions if shed like me to come and she was the one who showed me the application process, she told me each time that yes shed love me to come because it would be like having a piece of home coming with her, i know i have smoothered her and really screwed up the last few days leading to new years, i knew something was wrong when she cancled camping becuase it was her original idea and she wouldnt tell me why, i thought something happened and if i left her and made no effort to help she would feel like i didnt care, i misread the situation and feel really bad, but i really did have good intentions and things were going really good up until like the 29th

i just want to try make things right and i dont want to lose her

[smackie9]

you quoted this " I still really want to do the Canada thing with her too and had actually applied before any of this happened but hadn’t told anyone cause I wanted to surprise Elisa." Surprised her? how can it be a surprise when she was there helping you apply??

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i just want to try make things right and i dont want to lose her

You can by giving her space, and look like you are moving on. It's only up to her to decide to if she wants to be with you. It's possible she isn't ready for commitment with someone at this time in her life. Maybe she feels this will only hold her back from accomplishing and experiencing her goals? She sounds very independent and wants to choose what she wants to do rather have you dictate what you two should do with your time.....ever thought of that? Maybe she wants to say "no not tonight I want to do this with blah blah blah" without having to listen to a whiny love sick BF. Go with the flow bro, it's better to back off and just let things happen as they come.

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IMO I think you are down playing it by calling it "smothering" but in reality you are being controlling. This would explain why her mother is not liking you anymore.

[dp22]

yes i realise this now, she showed me how to apply but i told id think about but it would be an amazing experience, after she came over for christmas i asked her again if she like me to come and she said yes you know that, so i was like ok i will decide but if i do we are going to have to celebrate andshe was all into it and was like sugesting things we could do, so that night i applied.

i no if she doesnt want to hang should have just left it but the reason i always tried to convince her is cause she wasnt doing anything else those days, when she had something else to do i was fine with that