My love story - I need an advice. Spark lost.

[agent009]

Hello everyone. This is not going to be a very short one because my relationship turned out to be very complicated but I need you to know some important things in order to give your opinion to me. So here it goes.

She was 15 and I was 18 and we met and fell in love. We were together all the time and we grew to be best friends. She loved me so much, at times it felt like it was more than I did love her, and at times it was like i loved her more... if this matters at all. She didn't have much friends then and I was a jerk because I felt bad when she was out with some new ones (not that I stopped her or anything but she seeing me feel bad must have been a turn off). Anyway, after an year full of love and happiness I had to leave my home country and go to university in the UK. We were regularly on skype, watching films and playing games. Every 3 months or so I went back for each holiday, staying for almost a month. One year later we were still feeling great together and when I was coming back she was feeling magical.

Until this year. She finally found that she has to stop staying at home and find new friends...she is growing at this age of course. And she is growing to be even more amazing. I wasn't very socially active in high school although I mean I knew a lot of people, I just went out and communicated with quite a few... so she taught me while growing up that I have to change or I want to change that too. Anyway, after not going back for a few months for the holiday, one day she told me she can't keep doing this, she wanted to have fun and I felt bad about it and she was losing her feelings and so on so we broke up. She met a guy and kissed with him...nothing more, not even a relationship and it ended after a week. However, I had a month more till I go back to my home country. She told me she wished everything was like before and she might even wait for me but she didn't wanna promise anything. I came back but she already met a guy she liked and when I got home and she didn't feel like being intimate with me she decided to go into a relationship with him. I was too hurt to be just a friend and take all this, so I told her I don't want us to communicate, unfriended on facebook and everything else...

After 2 weeks she saw me in a park sitting next to a girl just talking and she was with her boy (they were going out casually I mean she told me it wasn't very serious so they weren't even holding hands.) She passed by with her friends and I didn't even say hi, so 30minutes later she messaged me why I ignored her. She messaged me in the evening as well and a few days later she called me at 23 o'clock saying that she wants to give me the money she owed me( some money I gave her for a phone a few months ago). Calling at this time I knew it was weird. We saw each other and we talked and when saying goodbye she hugged me but she held me longer than normal and even almost cried.

A week after that she told me her feelings have been coming back the last few weeks and that she being with him she saw all the things I was and he wasn't. We came back together but I was so heartbroken so we were fighting from time to time and it wasn't all pretty like the first time. Anyway, 2 months later we were still together, she told me she loved me again and we had the most amazing summer of our lives ( she said it as well). We went to the seaside together, skinny dipping, took a hot bath together and everything, bungee jumping. But we almost didn't have sex. When we first came back together we had an amazing sex night it was all so hot. And the reason we didn't after that was her hormones I guess. I forgot to mention even before dating me she had problems with her menstrual cycle. During our relationship there were times we couldn't have sex for 2-3 months but then again it was so great when we could. We were like the perfect fit in bed. Too bad her hormonal balance wasn't right. She is still taking contraceptive as it gives her the necessary hormone to have a normal cycle. But she has a lot of genital problems, discomfort or pain so she wasn't able to have sex. I think this was one of the worst things that took me to my current problem.

I had to leave again after this great summer. Before leaving, I was so insecure about it and if she will be able to wait for me. She said I will, I will, I want to, remind me of our good times. I left, and a month later things were already going downhill. She stopped feeling like sending me kisses, she wanted to call me less. She said she wants to come back home at midnight and now always call me like before, but just hear me the next day for example. I knew this wasnt good at all but even when she wanted to be less apart, even the last time when we broke up, I wasn't pushy, and she wrote to me every day, she never stopped caring. I will skip a lot of the details now but I decided I was too unhappy the last 2 years studying in the UK and I wanted to take a one year break and go to my home country and continue next year. This way I could be next to my girl in her hard time when she is applying to university ( she is now and she is feeling a lot of pressure so I wanted to be next to her like she was next to me when I was applying). Let's not judge this decision as I am also unable to give you more details for it because this is getting quite lengthy.

I came back to my home country and I didn't tell her I quit university as I didn't want this to be putting pressure on her and changing her decision. I wanted her to want to be with me just because, not because I quit something party because of her(I quit because I was unhappy and of course it was connected to her but it wasn't all about her. My friends are in my home country so even if we are separated forever, I have my friends there to support me, not in the UK).
So I came back, we hung out, she slept at my place 2-3 nights, but I saw hugging was all she wanted naturally, kissing wasn't very natural. She told me some time ago her libido was off. And after these 3 nights she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship, she didn't know if she wants to be with me since there is no spark, she couldn't be a girlfriend because she can't have sex and so on.

After that I decided we shouldn't speak for a while but after 5 days I sent her a link for a song and an hour later she called me that she wants to see me. Ever since we started going out again, I went out with her group of friends, we went to a concert and so on. We started going to the gym together. I thought that some sport would affect her health and at some point she might feel her libido back up again and maybe feel attracted to me again. Also, sharing a goal and working together on it as I read online is a great way (at least for couples) to get back some closure and attraction. She told me she loved me. She always has because as she says to her friends I'm the best person she knows and I'm still her best friend. But right now she doesn't feel like being intimate to someone she knows and even me. So I decided I have to do what I did before. Not only for the sake of it but also because when she feels bad and I go to support her, she cuddles in me, we lay in bed, under the sheets. She feels great that I support her and everything but then I feel devastated because I want so much more. So I did it, I told her we should see each other at all. I also told her everything I feel for her and how I love her for everything that she is and the person she is changing in to.


I don't want to manipulate her but by being a good friend and hugging her I don't have much chance to get her sexual desire for me back as human psychology suggests. It's also a problem that when I was with her I stopped being a challenge - i didn't have much girl friends and so on so she doesn't even think she is a jealous type. But here, when she saw me sitting with a girl she didn't knew out, it suddenly hit her. Maybe being out in the open with girls and boys will also help her see that I'm not just a good boy she loves as a friend

The reason I'm holding on to this relationship like a lot of people I see do on the internet is:
We both love each other as people. We love our dreams, ideas for a good living of life, for happiness, for music. We both love art and are artistic. We are an awesome sex fit when we can have it. But it's been so long she forgot...because of her health. We have this amazing connection, even when we break up or whatever, she says she can't imagine her life without me. Even now when we were just friends, we are so close that she sometimes holds my hand while we talk and plays with it, or she can just sleep next to me like I told you. But me wanting more while she still doesn't was too much on me.

Please give your opinion, ask for any clarification. This is so important to me, and she being a person I love so deeply I need her in my life. And I would want to try and make it like before - her to love me like more than a friend. I know I can't force that on her. But maybe what I do at least lightly matters. And when she is ready to be with someone, I want it to be me. These last nights we spent together...I just keep falling in love with her, so this is not something that is not meant to be great. It can't be the way she acts too. The main problem I noticed is she lost the spark 2 times while I was away. She already had it back when I came back and after we broke up. So it must be the distance and the sexual distance because of her health and everything. I just need to earn her back somehow. This time there are no other boys yet. This time I am not in the UK but unlike then, she now doesnt need closure. Then she needed it, but I was alway and she was lonely and so on. Now she isn't ready for a relationship so everything is different...

Maybe she just needs time and then we will find what will happen. I know. But I also believe what we do still matters. So I want to know what to do. Should I try to stay around her even though it's so hard and not leave once again... (By the way her father left her family when she was around 10 so maybe this is quite deep for her, being left). Should I stay and if I do, do I have a chance of getting her attracted to me at all. I read online advice on how to flirt, how to get a friend to notice you sexually and so on. Should I be doing all this if I want to be with her. Or should I do what I did during the summer. Leave her. Let her miss me. Because even when we break up I am always there for her or when she needs me. She doesn't lose me like I do (since I want more ). Even though I'm in her town. Let her be a bit independent, without my help for some time. And maybe when she sees me with friends out, or with some girls out it would help her see that (if she really does) she still has feelings for me it's just that her body and hormones are at fault to a certain point.