Saw her again after a year, feelings exploded again.

[grogef]

Background: We are both in our early twenties, and I was best friends with this person for around 2 years, then we started to date. By best friend I mean she was my rock, she was the person I trusted most and the person I connected to most. I had no other person in my life like that and still haven't. However, in a relationship she was incredibly manipulative, emotionally immature, and treated me pretty badly. Our relationship was rocky, and our break up was very long and very messy. We broke up over a year and a half ago, and eventually at some point last year I had to cut contact, if only for myself. I couldn't get past this person unless she wasn't in my life.

The year hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, but not being in contact with her has helped. I thought of her less and less each day, and the good memories that I had became just that - good memories, and the bad memories started to fade away as my bitterness and ill-will had as well. I have become much more open to meeting new people, and I have been much happier and healthier.

This was all until this past week, though. Several friends and I from school went on a trip together, and she happened to be one of them (we had a lot of mutual friends). So I basically spent a week in close quarters with her. I went into this trip knowing that at the very least, I would be friendly, and gave myself a "break" from no-contact just for the fact that we would be in very close proximity and it would be more awkward to not talk to her than to interact with her.

I figured at the very least it might be kind of fun getting to be friendly with a person that I had once been good friends with. However there were several times when we had some very deep conversations about the nature of us, and during one of those talks she apologized and seemed to understand that she was an absolutely terrible person to me, and how shit she felt for it. It was very cathartic, because of all the things I might have been upset about, thinking she didn't know or didn't care about how much of an asshole she was was one of the worst parts.

This has been bitter-sweet. On one hand, it was nice to have some closure on what had happened and be able to move past being bitter about how she treated me. People grow and change, and it was clear she did so for the better, even if she may have more growing to do. At the same time, this "letting go" of bitterness also made me realize just why I liked her in the first place. Being around her and getting to talk to her again made me realize just how much chemistry we have, and just how good together we could have been. And during our talks we pretty much chalked it up to timing that our relationship failed. Which makes me feel that much worse that this person that I have so much chemistry with and I cannot be in a relationship now simply because of poor timing.

This is the first time I have felt legitimately depressed about my lack of contact with this person is a very, very long time. Those good memories of us are starting to become strong feelings of "a better time." The fact that this person was the only person in my life that I had that close of a connection to is now no longer available to date is very distressing. And now I don't even have the excuse that "oh, she was/is a terrible human being, I'm glad I'm not with her."

Logistically a relationship now would not even work (career/distance/etc). And the realist in me knows that I am young, and out of 7 billion people in the world there will be at least one more that I will connect with as good if not better than my ex. But the cynic in me feels that because I personally find it very difficult to care about and connect to anyone else, finding one was incredibly rare and it may not happen again. And the romantic in me sees this person I have amazing chemistry with and wonders why we're not together.

While she did indicate that she cared a lot more than she led on when we actually did date and that she still cares a lot now, and that neither of us really knows what may happen in 5 or 10 years, it is clear that she has moved past romantic feelings (and is in a happy relationship with another person) and any notion of getting back together is so far removed from the realm of possibility that just thinking about is not healthy, I cannot help but be depressed about this situation.

I hope to fizzle out of this soon enough, and I hope that seeing her again only gave me this burst of feelings that will fade away shortly, but right now it is very difficult to think of anyone else besides this person who I found really amazing. I have this sense of depressed emptiness that I haven't really felt in a very, very long time. It feels like I'm starting from square 1 of getting over her all over again. And now I don't even get to think about how much of a douchebag she is to help me overcome her because she is a changed person.

[Valixy]

The huge chemistry you have didn't help you succeed together before, so try to not to think of it as something soo extraordinary because it isn't. The real extraordinary thing is to meet someone who besides a great chemistry is also able to also offer you a healthy and happy relationship. This girl simply doesn't have the whole package and you'd never feel fulfilled.

Then if you would be with her again, the nice memories you now have would somehow fade away and the memories of how bad she treated you before would slowly come back again...You feel now that you have put all the bitterness behind you but you'd only need a very small incident to feel all the injustice she caused you again, because you reached the zero tolerance stage at the end of your relatonship and that left you in a very sensitive spot that tends to persisit in the life of most of the people.

Maybe she wasn't only trying to make a good impression, which is fairly easy during a relaxing week spent away, maybe she has indeed changed and become a better person, but I can assure you that the work she needs to do on herself is just at the very beginning and the changes you've noticed are superficial while deep down she is still the same person. We just don't escape ourselves so easily in life. She is maybe more controlled but she still has a long way to go if she wants to provoke a real change within.

You should continue enjoying being on your own and having a chance to meet someone more balanced, honest and kind.