friendship over?? advice please

[michelle23]

I booked a holiday with two friends in august. I paid 950 for it and took out a loan in order to go. In november I lost my job-everything changed. I had to get rid of my car, move house and we are just getting by right now.

Since then I have been telling them if i dont find work i cant go. I mentioned about finding someone else to take my place etc and each time i was guilt tripped and given a load of old fluff about how it will be fine.. and theyl help and get a loan off your dad etc

Today i was really stressing about it so i told one of them i really cant go. I cant get into debt over a holiday and its not my main priority right now. Shes really pissed, was manipulative, tried to guilt trip me, said they wont go etc..

Im not sure how to feel about this. A part of me thinks she is being an inconsiderate, selfish, manipulative a**hole and that I have just lost a friend over this. I think she should be more understanding and compassionate.

But on the other hand I do feel bad and wondering should I go? My dad will lend me the money..

She suffers from polycystic ovaries and was recently in hospital with a cyst. She mentioned she might not be able to go and I didn't blow up on her. If she were in my shoes, i know for a fact i wouldn't react the way she did.

Whether I go or not there not losing anything. Its all paid for and they can go without me without any financial loss to them.

I feel selfish if I go coz were struggling and i dont think its fair to put more financial strain on my bf

Please share some thoughts with me. The friend that is being b**tchy right now-were not that close so if she chooses to end our friendship over this-she can go to hell. But the other friend is my BEST friend and has been for years. I dont want to fall out with her and im sure the other one has been in her ear by now..

[basilandthyme]

Michelle, I've been on the other end of this twice in the last year. Both times, the cancellation was for good reason. (One was a change in financial situation and the other was because of a health scare)

As much as I was quietly annoyed for having been cancelled on, I didn't and wouldn't harp on them. Neither of them took the cancellation lightly....and I know that things can go wrong even for the best of us.

Anyway, I think your new friend is out of line. And if your best friend really is a good friend, she'll stick by you.

[asdfg789]

... she is being an inconsiderate, selfish, manipulative a**hole ..

i think that is what she is. You are being responsible with money. Kudos to you.

[Rowen]

Yeah, this friend is definitely out of line... Sometimes, the money needs to be saved. You have to be smart with it if you want to be able to go out and do things, after all. :S

Hope you're okay, Michelle. *hugs*

[michelle23]

I agreed to go and I am still feeling pissed about all this. They both acted like I am out of line, that I am messing them around and that they "could have gotten a cheaper hotel for 2" if they knew I wasn't going or "I should have given them more notice so they can find someone else" or "I should never have agreed to go if I was unsure"

I just can't believe they can be this way when they know I lost my job and know that money is an issue.

I got fairly annoyed and said "I will go but I cant believe how manipulative you are being and I want some space from you for awhile to cool off" she then threw at me "after everything I have done for you trying to help you find work" etc and I just thought that is being even more manipulative! I never asked her for any help first of all and second that has nothing to do with what we are discussing right now. I mean jeez I have done stuff for her too and I don't expect her to kiss my feet in thanks

I am just seriously annoyed! I feel like I have to go or I will never hear the end of this! But I know I wont enjoy it now after this argument and not sure if I even want them as friends right now

[michelle23]

Then she text me being all nice the last 2days trying to arrange to meet up and talk and I just said I am busy.. we will meet next week to buy our city passes coz I have to wait for my bf to get paid as its gonna be a valentines present and that I will put the tickets for a show on my credit card..

She asked me how I am feeling about it and I said stressed and worried about money but I will go and hope somebody will hiire me even though I need ten days off next month. I tried to explain the other day going on this holiday may jeopradise my chance of getting a job but they don't care about that either

I know I am being a push over here but I hate letting people down. I always follow through on my commitments but this is different and I think they should have been more understanding.

Just not sure how to get past this so I will actually enjoy being stuck with them for a week!!!

[Can_I_be_wiser?]

Okay, this may be contrary to the other suggestions but ...

If if can be a wonderful and memorable holiday ... not just something ordinary ... but something you'll remember for years to come, then what's $950 in the bigger scheme of things? Your boyfriend will help out, and so will your dad who may see the bigger picture.

If you do the holiday right, you can come back with a renewed vigor for life that an employer will appreciate. You can return with renewed energy for job finding.

If you have a way to keep tabs on phone messages and email messages from any potential employers, you should be fine.

[michelle23]

The 950 is already paid. Its coming up with spending money but i can borrow money from my dad

[skeeziix]

I would try to sell the vacation online to someone else you have until August though that is quite a lot of time to find a job and get your finances into order. Maybe you can ask them to front their portion of the bill now so you don't have to carry on the debt, I suppose that will tell you if they care about your financial situation and you.

[michelle23]

No the holiday is next month the middle of march. Thats why there is so much pressure right now. Im going to go. I just wish I didn't feel so irritated with them both right now coz I have to spend a week with them

[Can_I_be_wiser?]

If you're going to go, you might as well figure out some way not to feel irritated with them, right? Otherwise, you're going to waste your time going. I'm sure they don't want to spend a week with you, either, if all you're going to be is 'irritated.'

Perhaps if you stay focused on feeling 'grateful' somehow ... by using memory triggers and anchors of things that make you feel good and happy when you think of them ... as a way to cause the good feeling hormones to circulate through your head and body. Maybe then you'll be more pleasant around them and to be around. I'm inclined to believe we feel based on the thoughts we entertain. For example, it's been said that people can talk themselves into feeling depressed just by holding and entertaining depressing thoughts. So, why not do the opposite? It's your mind. It's your choice of what you think about most often.

Cheerio! : 0)

[Rio]

I would try to sell the vacation online as well

[revabhardwaj647]

i dont know...