Lost and confused, need honest, non-judgemental advice.

[kmarie90]

I'm a 22 year old female who is torn between rekindling love from the past, or building new love in a new situation. For the past year I had been dating on and off a guy named Michael, he goes by Mike. Him and I met through an old friend, and as we started to chat instantly had a connection. Eventually Mike asked me out to dinner and he took me to this nice quiet romantic bistro in our cities art district. We instantly had an even stronger connection from when we texted back and forth. He wasn't the usual type I go for but thats what drew me to him. After dinner, we went back to my place and continued to talk and watch a movie. From that day on we became inseperable. We spent almost everyday together for the first month of our relationship. He took me to dinner, out for ice cream, met my parents whom which also loved him. And soon after we told each other , "I love you" which was certainly more special with him. We were both in my bed, he started to tear up and he told me that he loved me, I started to tear up and I to told him I loved him. Then we layed there and held each other. We were both crazy about each other. We continued to be crazy in love, every week we had date nights to our favorite restrurant Boston Pizza. One night he surprised me with white roses , but I was so in shock, I made it seem like they didn't matter. (HUGE mistake) But, he soon forgave me for that one. We spent the night together, cuddling and watching movies. Then Mike had to go to Vancouver for work training. We both didn't want him to go, but it was only for 2 weeks! He called me each and everynight. And when he got back, it was 12 AM but he still showed up on my door step that very night. He brought me back a ring, a promise ring, and a necklace, the key to his heart. I'd never had a relationship like ours before. Then, I started to notice my casual drug usuage was becoming a problem. He knew I casually used but didn't seem to mind. But then I decided, it was a problem. I told him how I was feeling and he was more then supportive, and he continued to be supportive, even when I went to detox. I had to leave 3 days into detox due to a medical emergency. I called Mike and he met me at the hospital and I ended up having to wait in the emerengy department the duration of that night. And despite getting no sleep, Mike waited with me even through the morning he wouldn't leave my side. It was determained I needed gallbladder surgery. Mike visited me while I waited for emergency surgery. Everyday he came to visit. It mean't so much to have him by my side. His parents who I hadn't even met, sent me flowers. I was so grateful. After I came out of surgery Mike was there, by my side along with my parents. However after my surgery things changed, he didn't like the fact that I didn't want to do anything. He said, my lack of motivation was causing an issue but he did not realize this was due to how much pain I was in. We got in an arguement over this but it seemed to work its way out. As I started to feel better things seemed to be getting back to the way they used to be. But yet again , we had another arguement over motivation, he told me he didn't like how my attitude had changed and I no longer wanted to do things... I didn't know what I was doing wrong. We argued back and forth. Eventually I broke up with him. As time went by we both discovered it was not what niether of us wanted. We wanted to be together. These types of things continued to happen through the course of 3 months, but when summer arrived we seemed to be more inlove then ever. He told me he just wanted his princess back. We went for ice cream and I felt that conncection again, I never got with anyone else. We kept seeing each other, he would meet me for lunch at work, text me "Good Morning Beautiful" , and we were back to us before I knew it. As summer came to an end we got into a huge argument about how I wasn't there for him when his family member got sick, but I was so busy with work I let it get the best of me. I upset him really bad. I felt really bad about it to, and I tried to explain but he pushed me away, and this time I was stuck. We both went our seperate ways. A couple months past, I was really getting bogged down at work, and my emotional and mental state were detorating and I was using my addiction to marijuana to cope. I smoked more and more to cope with my depression and anxiety. I also began to abuse prescribtion pills. All of these were coping mechanisms. I find out my mother has cancer...I started to fall apart. I then was hospitalized for my depression. As I sat in the hospital again, I get a message from Mike asking me how I've been, I tell him whats been going on, I tell him about my mom, he is concerned. He tells me that he is there for me. I sit in the hospital for 30-days, and while I am in there I meet a guy by the name of Jesse. He is sweet, understanding and caring. He has a great sense of humour. And loves to do all the things I love to do. As I am in the hospital I spend my days getting to know him, we play cards, go for coffee, play monopoly, and watch movies. Something about him draws me to him. I give him my phone number. I am discharged from the program and I move out of my parents house. As I get settled into my new place, I get a call from Jesse, he asks me how I am doing. We text back and forth for a week, and we plan to go to a movie. We have a great time. I like him and he likes me. We start getting closer. I get a text from Mike, he wants to talk to me. He calls me. All my feelings come rushing back, he is just so easy to talk to , we talk for 45 minutes, we laugh, we talk about what is going on, we hang up the phone. I get a text from Mike saying, "Can I tell you something?" I answer him "Yes." he tells me plain and simple "I love you". I can't help it I feel that too, once you love someone that feeling just doesn't go away. He tells me he misses me. He tells me he just has to see me. We make plans to meet up. We go for coffee, and its just like before, we sit in the coffee shop for 3 hours just talking, about us, about what's happened, about the future. We talk about how our kids would be little shit heads just like their dad. We talk about how if we don't get a house he will make our living room into a garage, we sit and stare into each others eyes. He grabs my hand and holds it. I tell him I love him. He tells me he loves me. He kisses me. I keep kissing him. I can't help it. He takes me home, and kisses me good bye. Even before I could get inside he texts me explaining to me how he believes I'm his soul mate. My heart is so full of other little hearts, and good feelings I can't hold it in! The weekend goes into Monday, we get into an arguement because he made plans with me but didn't stick to them. I start to question what I want, I cause him to become confused. I say a bunch of things I don't mean. I see Jesse again. I become more confused. I care about him too. I get a message from Mike explaining how he can't just let me walk out of his life. He needs me in his life. He wants to marry me. He explains to me that I hurt him but he's also hurt me but we can't go on like this. He doesn't want it to be this way. We have to find a way to work out our diffrences so we both don't keep getting hurt. I explain to him that I need things to go smoother, we need to talk about things instead of running away, becoming fustrated, or upset. He agrees. We both think we want to work on this, take it slow and work on us. He tells me he loves me. I love him too. He continues to question if I will follow through as I am still in the recovery process. I promise him. We both agree not to rush things. I still see Jesse, he cares about me alot. Mike and I are trying to work on things however, I continue to sit here confused. Lost. I don't know what to do. Help?

[toknow]

There is only one person different than the rest - and that's the one you truly love.

[4 ratties]

Id say be single. Neither guy is your soul mate if your 50:50 about another guy too. You sound codependent,

[basilandthyme]

can you add some paragraph breaks? Wall of text is too hard to read

[michelle23]

Ok first of all-all this soppy doppy, romantic BS is making me feel sick and it was hard to read. You and mike sound like your living in pixyland. I dont trust guys who are all romantic and soppy.. just reminds me of narcissism... or a serial killer

Your coping mechanisms are not healthy. You should be on your own and learn to deal with life in a healthy manner. I get you are going through a lot but that is no excuse to destroy yourself. Get some therapy

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[toknow]

I dont trust guys who are all romantic and soppy.. just reminds me of narcissism... or a serial killer

LOL....Probably one of the stupidest posts I've seen.

[michelle23]

LOL....Probably one of the stupidest posts I've seen.

Well i didnt ask for your opinion mr head in the clouds

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