I don't know what to do?

[Fanharry]

I've been good friends with her for just over a year now and basically the first time we hung out together by ourselves I realised that I really liked her. BUT she's had a boyfriend the whole time (started a few months before we really started talking).

However around 6 months ago we were talking and it came out that she had a crush on me as well, she realised at the same time as I did. She DID end up choosing him but I honestly think she still likes me nearly 3 months after this and maybe because he was the safer decision and her first serious relationship. We decided we still want to be friends. We stopped talking as much over Christmas (still every so often) but about a month ago we finally started talking like we used to again.

Anyway a few days later she randomly said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, and I sent her a few texts asking why, I don't understand blah blah, no more than a few because I didn't want to annoy her or make things any worse. I only got a response from her friend.

It turns out she had been fighting with her bf and it always ended up being about me ( I don't know why after all she chose him) and that she decided she needs some space from me.

It's been 3 weeks since she said this and we haven't talked. I think I'm in love and I just want her to be happy (with me or not, but I don't see them working out) but I'm starting to miss her a lot. She's been to big a part of my life recently to just let her go.

How much longer should I wait to contact her (3 weeks already)? And how should I contact her? (Text easiest, call, or meeting in person but that could be difficult).
Also does them fighting indicate that she may still have feelings for me? (To me having a crush on someone for nearly a year is to big to ignore)

I'm just really confused and don't know what to do!

Thank you in advance

[michelle23]

Leave her alone. She has a bf. Can you not find your own girl?

[Fanharry]

I am not looking to break anyone up and I felt terrible that I was the reason they were fighting. We were friends before this and that's what I want now if its what she wants as well but I won't know this until I talk to her.
I am getting over her but I don't think I could deal with losing her all together. The last year has been incredibly tough (close family and friends passing away) and she was the only thing that got me through it all. It's really hard to just do nothing for someone that has been such a big part of my life for the past year.

I didn't plan on falling for her. It just did and I can't control that.

[michelle23]

you cant be friends. you have feelings for her and she has a bf. It is not fair to come between their relationship. She obviously loves him and wants it to work. If not she would have dumped him for you and now your just complicating her life.

Find a new friend.

[Rowen]

I disagree with Michelle's last post. You can be friends with her ONLY AS LONG AS YOU CAN CONTROL YOURSELF... I put that in caps to EMPHASIZE my point. Too many times, I've heard about people who let their feelings for someone in a relationship create stupid drama that ends up playing out like an episode of Jerry Springer. Nevertheless, at the same time, I've heard many success stories and even lived one. Family friends of ours have had lovers they've kept as friends despite their attractions, and it succeeded because they could be grown up about it and respect the other's choices and feelings. I've also had this happen to me. I've had a friend for three years now that I started having major feelings for...but at the time that I realized this, he was involved with another man. So, I told him how I felt so I could get my closure and move on and told him I respected his happiness and didn't want to ever let my feelings ruin our friendship. In turn, we were friends until he finally broke up with his boyfriend and still are friends.

She has a boyfriend. RUN AWAY! But keep her as a friend if that's what you wish once you've moved on. However, in staying, you cannot allow any feelings for her to get in the way of your friendship. You can't cross the line. If you do, you will open yourself up to a lot of crap...

It all boils down to respect. So, you have to ask yourself; can you handle it?

[michelle23]

so hell just stay and be her best mate and watch her all lovey dovey with someone else in the hope that one day shell ditch her bf and they will then sail off into the sunset together when she finally confesses her undying love for him?

Get real.

As long as your waiting around for her pretending you just wana be "friends" - you are just stopping yourself from meeting someone else and forgetting about her.

[Rowen]

I never stated anything about waiting. He certainly needs to move on. My point, Michelle, is that you can be friends with someone again once the hurt is over, assuming you were good friends before. If he stays her friend and moves on with his life after taking time to heal, then he certainly won't be dwelling on her because he'll be out chasing someone else. If he can't handle it, then it's best to cut her out. But if he wants to try to remain platonic with her after he's healed, I'd say he can try. Just because you have a history with someone doesn't always mean it has to define the future with that person. If he takes his own time to heal and move on, he'll be able to be friends because he won't still be dreaming of her. Instead, he'll be going for someone else.

That's just my opinion, though.