I've never been so confused!

[LastAmmuntion]

First off I'd like to say I'm new and it's great to be here! I've never asked for advice on the Internet before and I've found I've never really needed it, I've always been really good with girls. Unfortunately I'm just so frustrated at my current situation I just have too! It's so odd, I used to always be the one helping others! It's quite a long read, let me explain...

I dated a girl roughly about 6 years ago, we were both very young and it didn't work out, she stopped liking me and I could tell, so I offered to break up and she said yes. She wanted to be friends and we tried, unfortunately it didn't work out, on account of how young we were and our immaturity.

Since then we've dated other people and only briefly kept in contact over the internet and such. I met a girl and got engaged, was rushed into it before I was ready. I had been with this girl for about three years before I started to realise I still had feeling for my ex, for reasons I can't explain I always wished my fiancée was my ex, I always tried to pass the feeling off and devote myself to my current relationship. I just couldn't! Things were going bad for me and my fiancée at that current time so I decided I would secretly organise to catch up with my ex, I had decided I wasn't going to do anything, it was going to be for coffee just to see if I really did still love her. (Yes I know it was wrong)

We met up and she had put on a little bit of weight, her faced had broken out in a bit of acne and she was no way near as attractive as I remembered her, oddly enough that didn't bother me, she was still more beautiful than my fiancée, even though ever other guy in the world would say otherwise. (my fiancée had the fancy of every guy that knew her, she was that good looking) But to me my ex was the most stunning and beautiful girl I'd known, with a little weight on or not.

But the date went terrible! She was very immature, was purposely telling me as little about her life as possible, I think this was on accord she was unhappy I was still with my fiancée. I think also I felt guilty for what I did and left promising myself never to attempt to contact her again, I decided I had grown and she hadn't.

Six months later my fiancée and I broke up, a very bad break up. She left me for her best friend's boyfriend. She took all my money and spread lies about me to everyone we knew. I wasn't too upset about that, I was happy to be out of it and being single to do my own thing again! Focus on work and all that. After about a month my ex popped into my head again and I thought to myself, why don't I meet up with her? Just be friends and all that, if she's immature who cares? Not like I want to date her or anything... Totally expecting her to be even more overweight and such. Little did I know...

I got in contact with her and she seemed very keen to meet up, she checked out my new house, we watched a movie and went to the ocean, I had never had so much fun in my entire life and she was so beautiful, she lost the weight and looked better than I ever imagined. She had really grown up, we talked for hours about life and previous relationships and where we are and want to be. It was a great day. When we were watching tv on my bed I wanted to just roll over and kiss her, but being my ex I decided I was going to take it slowly and behave myself. At times I felt she was interested, she would get close to me, then other times it seemed she just wanted to be friends, I would understand it being complicated, as it was for me.

After that date she was going on a holiday with her family for her birthday, we texted a lot and she got jealous when I talked about girls from my work, we flirted a little bit and I told her I bought her a birthday present. A few days later she told me she saw something she thought was so cute and that she hoped I liked it and when she saw it she thought of me. Things via text were going great, however there was a part of me that realised she only ever responded to me when I texted her, she would never initiate a text, she did once but that was only cause I told her to let me know how it was going. Sometimes she would just stop replying till I decided to text her again a few days later, in those texts she would seem like she loved texting me, till she stopped again. And unless I replied, I wouldn't hear anything.

When she came back I decided I would try catching up with her again and see how it went. we organised to meet up next week, I was going to teach her to roller blade and I had to hold her hand cause she would fall! Sounded like things were going well. She texted me yesterday telling me that she actually got rostered on to work that day and she was really sorry. Naturally these things happen so I didn't think anything of it. I decided it was her time to ask to reschedule and that I had organised enough. I told her that's okay, no worries! =]

And that's where the story ends... No reply, no let's reschedule, nothing. I'm worried that I've made things a little too easy for her, either that or I'm reading into it too much. I don't want to keep pushing her to hang out, even though she probably wants too. I just want to see her make the first move this time, to know it's not all me. I'm just scared that if I don't, I won't hear anything...

I don't know any person in real life I can talk to about this sort of thing without having the Micky taken out of me. So I would like to thank you all for reading my very long post and would like to ask that anyone with any sort of advice or opinions, please share them! I love this girl and would be happy just being her friend if that's all I could be to spend time with her, I enjoy every second of speaking with her but don't want to fool myself into expecting something that might not be there.

I'm happy to explain more if there are any other questions. I had an idea of popping in to see her at work (she works in a shopping mall) so I could just pop in while doing a bit of shopping and make it look like I was just saying hi before leaving. Since she's always said I should say hi if I was down that way.

Okay now I'm rambling again, thanks guys!

[smackie9]

You have an issue with being able to communicate and you have trouble being "honest" with yourself. Your lack of communication is the main reason your relationships fall apart . Lets start with your ex fiance. You claimed you "rushed things". I don't think 3 years is rushing things. You were with her because of her looks and thought you could emotionally catch up later. Let's face it, you really were not in love with her or you wouldn't be saying "rushing things" or "I wasn't ready". She could feel your emotional detachment to her, so she sot out someone who did. It pissed her off so bad, she wanted to ruin you for making her waste 3 years of her life. She did honestly love you, you idiot. I feel sorry for her. You could have avoided any of this and the hard feelings by being honest with yourself, and with her.....but you didn't. You didn't have any balls to do the right thing. And you say you treat girls well....this proves it that you don't. You couldn't find love in your own relationship so you thought of your ex. So here you go, lookin for love, going back into your past to scrounge it up not once but twice.

This where I help you pull your head out of your ass. You are overlooking some vital things. One, when you two spit up because she wanted out, she no longer was in love with you or didn't love you. Well guess what, she probably still feels the same way today. Secondly, after that breakup, she wanted to be friends. This, and I bet money on it, still applies to this day. You should know that when a girl doesn't make effort, she is not interested. Sure she replies and flirts a little...she is doing it for the attention. Why wouldn't she?, she looked awful before, but got herself all lookin nice again and so she is enjoying the attention. Girls will do that, it makes them feel good about themselves. You are friend zoned dude, without a doubt. That's why she pulls away when you push it.....she's trying to let you know she doesn't like you in that way. I could be wrong but there is only one way to prove it.....you have to grow a set and ask her if she would be interested in dating again. Again, you need to learn to communicate or you will be just wasting your time.

[LastAmmuntion]

Thank you for your reply and I've considered it, however I feel I've either not explained myself well, or you've misunderstood.

I never said I treat girls well. I did however state that what I did by trying to see my ex was wrong. I regretted it and never spoke to her again while seeing my fianc�e. (I never touched, kissed her or anything) I wasn't with my fianc�e for her looks either, when I first met her I did like her. By rushing I mean she talked me into proposing to her and moving in earlier than I would have liked. But yes, that was my fault for not standing my ground on what I thought. I tried numerous times to talk about our relationship, she stopped wanting to kiss and cuddle etc. every time she would complain I hurt her or something. I would ask her what's going on and she would say things like, nothings wrong, you're being silly etc.

I told her every day I loved her, which probably wasn't true but it was my first real serious relationship and I wondered if the whole, not being so attracted to her any more was something that happens when you're with someone for so long. In short I was confused and not purposely seeing someone I knew I didn't like.

I paid for everything, she didn't earn a dime, she wouldn't even go to the government for study pay. That last part is what frustrated me the most. On top of that she stopped studying full time and decided to do only half years. In short I knew she was using me for my money, in the end I know I was correct on that one. If she loved me she wouldn't of been dating her ex the next day and lie about it.

Anyway I don't want to argue about what I did with my fianc�e, that's not really what I'm wanting advice on. It's what to do with my ex, who I like. And I've been thinking what you said about being friend zoned and that she should make effort. So I might back off and see if she eventually tries to make contact, if she doesn't I'll just be her friend. If she does I guess we shall see from there what happens.

Does this sound like a good idea?

[PowerStarKings]

PowerStarKings.Com, First off, You are a man My brother and you need to stand as One. Stop Calling Her and See Her Response. If you want to see if she really wants you then you must stop the communication. If she calls back then, you are okay. My friend it seems you really love this woman but you are not married. You are not obligated to Love her with your whole heart. REMEMBER DO NOT LET YOU FEELINGS DICTATE YOUR ACTIONS."THERE JUST EMOTIONS"

What I am going to say will seem crazy but POWERSTARKINGS Dont "CARE"

Look, If God Our Lord want you to be with this woman, dont you think you would be with her.

Why are you tripping over a woman.

God has those who Acknowledge God in all his Ways, God will direct his paths.

Be strong and let that woman know you are a King.

She is a Woman And You Are a Man

You are The Head.

God has made you A Man

King David Last words to his son Solomon was " Show yourself a Man"

She is the one that is suppose to on the internet, not You

God and I Love You

God is in Me and I am in God

We Love You

Everyone else is Second



PowerStarKings.Com

[LastAmmuntion]

I want to thank you for that post PowerStarKings, it really made me smile and snapped me back from that stupid depressed state I was in. Being a religious man myself it really took this post to wake me up.

God didn't make me a dropsack so I'm not going to be one! Thank you so much for the advice.