I'm the other woman. HELP please

[kd013]

I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this but please understand that I wasn't planning on getting myself into this situation, this is my first time and I have never been involved in anything like this before. He has been with this girl for 2 years, she lives at his place, they work together and everything. He's 21 and she's 26. I met them both a couple of months ago and I liked him from the moment I saw him. We all met up a couple of times again and I liked him more and more. However I was never even considering trying anything. I knew it would be wrong.

One night me him and a few other people were in a club. We were dancing together and he kissed me, that's when it all started. We were making out all night. The next morning I thought it was just a one night thing, a bit of fun (we didn't have sex, nor did he try to) and I was pretty sure he was regretting it. Turns out that a close friend of hers saw us but he likes me a lot so he hasn't said anything yet.
Anyway, I told myself he was drunk and it didn't mean anything and I decided not to do anything even though I couldn't forget about him. A couple of weeks later, me him and a mutual friend went out for drinks again. Our friend told us to go wait for him in a pub and that he'd be there in a bit. So we went and we talked for ages, about everything, time went so quick and our friend was here, at that point he had his arm around me. We were all still pretty sober then. But the night ended pretty much the same as the other, except we did more than make out this time, we were acting like a couple all night and even ended up leaving our friend on his own. Then it was around 5am and we were on our way home and he was about to leave and he said we'll see each other sometime, life is long.

Would he even consider leaving her for me? I know it happens but it seems unrealistic. At least right now. We haven't seen each other that much and I understand he can't make that decision just like that. Drop his 2 year relationship for something he's not even sure is real. I haven't told him I like him or anything but I really do, I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like such a bad person. She's a nice girl and she really does love him. I don't know if he does though, when he came the second night he knew exactly how it would end. Normally I would know it was just a bit of fun but he doesn't seem the type of person to cheat and risk everything just for a bit of fun, I don't think he's ever done it before. I know the best thing would be is to get out of this now. And I will once I find out where we stand, I'm going to ask him the next time I see him. If the other woman is all I can ever be, I'd rather be nothing to him than the other woman. I feel like we really connected but I have no idea how he feels though. I haven't been able to get over my ex for 4 years now, he makes me forget him. No one has ever been able to even come close.

Should I ask him what he wants from me, is it too soon to be expecting him to leave her? I know if I was in his situation and felt the same way I do now, I would really be considering now. I wouldn't drop everything just like that, I get that people get used to being with someone, they're comfortable and no one likes change, especially when they don't even know if it's for the better. But sooner or later I would. We haven't talked about where we stand or anything, he never talks about her either. Too many people know about us now though and she's going to find out sooner or later. I don't want him to be with me because she dumps him though, I want him to be with me because of ME. So please don't judge, I do feel bad and the past couple of weeks, I've gone against everything I believe in. If you've been through anything similar, please share and let me know how it ended.

[MaidenMinx]

Please, run from this situation as fast as you can. Don't ask him where you stand, tell him you can not be the other woman and you won't speak to him again unless he is single.

Years ago now, I was in an unhappy relationship and met a guy I had amazing chemistry with.. He also had a girlfriend. We decided to break up with our partners to be together. We lasted 4 Weeks... Maybe 6, but not long at all.

Prior to that, I had cheated on the same unhappy relationship with a close friend. That was very similar to your situation but the close friend told me he didn't want to be the other guy and it was over. Alot of my friends knew about it. My bf at the time was eventually told but he believed my denials.

Don't put yourself through this, it's not worth it.

[Wakeup]

I'd rather be nothing to him than the other woman.

Horseshit.. You became the other woman the minute you pulled your pants down for him knowing very well that he had a girlfriend. He's already lost respect for you knowing you'd do that when you knew he was with someone. The double standard is alive and well..

Newsflash: you silly thing ~ you are nothing to him (well except a piece on the side whom has no boundaries).

Get some respect for yourself. Form your own personal boundaries that you'll not cross like ****ing some other woman's man and being all a gaga over a man that would do such a thing. Ewwww. People who do such things make lousy relationship partners for anything substantial or long term. (don't you see that?). Find someone who has grown (grow yourself as well) enough that they'd never consider being with a man (or woman) already in a relationship.

[kd013]

So if he leaves her, I should go for it? I feel like I should ask him because obviously he has only cheated on her twice and I can't expect him to leave her just like that. I can't stop beating myself up over the fact that a couple of mutual friends wanted me to meet him 3 years ago and I refused because I wasn't looking for a relationship... I wasn't looking now for anything either but it all changed when I met him and now I can't forget him. I have told a few people and everyone has completely different opinions and as I've never been in this kind of situation, it's all really confusing.

[Wakeup]

Are you all there?

You're a piece on the side. Where do you get the idea that he wants anything else to do with you even? He's fvcked you and now you think he's going to leave her for you? Are you nuts?

If he leaves her for you will you think you've won the lottery? You should because the next little number pulled will mean he's now cheating on you.

How desperate and lonely and sad you are sounding.

[kd013]

Clearly I don't think he is since I'm asking?? I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HIM. More than a make out doesn't mean sleeping with him.

[Wakeup]

You want advice on what you should do, well then you should never contact him again, quit meeting up with him at clubs and putting yourself in the position to be taken sexually without commitment once again and learn to respect yourself more.

To add: You might want to respect your fellow gender as well and stay away instead of enabling him to be a cheater. How would you feel if he was meeting up and making out with another twit if you were his actual girlfriend? Can you empathize with her or are you truely sociopathic?

[smackie9]

LOL! very interesting converstation here.

It doesn't matter whether you are sleeping with him or not...(.I know you are at the point of doing it tho), He is willing to cheat on his GF, what makes you think you are that more special that he wouldn't do it to you, oh right he is! Get you head out of your ass, you are the only on that is having the "connection" with him, he couldn't give a rat's ass, he is working on you to get you in the sac, and once he has had you he will ditch you. He is just lookin for some strange because he is just a little bored with having sex with just one woman, that is all.

[smackie9]

1. Strange : An outdated term referring to having sex with a "strange"-er, similar to a hookup. Used in the same way as getting some ass.
"My girlfriend keeps blue balling me so I got some strange last night".

[DeviousPheonix]

You don't state how old you are - but he is 21 and is very young. So really, if he is in a relationship and carrying on with you, he's not very mature anyways and this is what you would expect from 21 year olds. He has a choice to leave his g/friend but until you discuss what exactly you two are doing with each other, then it's hard to know. But really, what can you seriously expect relationship wise from a 21 year old?!?!?

[kd013]

You don't state how old you are - but he is 21 and is very young. So really, if he is in a relationship and carrying on with you, he's not very mature anyways and this is what you would expect from 21 year olds. He has a choice to leave his g/friend but until you discuss what exactly you two are doing with each other, then it's hard to know. But really, what can you seriously expect relationship wise from a 21 year old?!?!?

I'm also 21. I know he is immature for doing what he is, just like I am. I was surprised to find out they were together because I knew her before I met him and she's really mature for her age, much more mature than him. He's not immature, I think he's just immature when it comes to relationships but we're both young, live and learn?? She's already talking about how she wants kids and everything but I don't think he is planning any of that yet. Yeah I know I need to discuss it with him but I won't be able to til the end of the week, I don't ever contact him. Either he does or we see each other through mutual friends. To be honest I think I'm the one that gave him the idea that I'm only up for some fun but that's not what I'm after. I guess I'll have to ask him where we stand and tell him that I won't carry on doing what we're doing if he's staying with her. We can both do better than that.

[MaidenMinx]

So if he leaves her, I should go for it? I feel like I should ask him because obviously he has only cheated on her twice and I can't expect him to leave her just like that. I can't stop beating myself up over the fact that a couple of mutual friends wanted me to meet him 3 years ago and I refused because I wasn't looking for a relationship... I wasn't looking now for anything either but it all changed when I met him and now I can't forget him. I have told a few people and everyone has completely different opinions and as I've never been in this kind of situation, it's all really confusing.

If he leaves her, which I doubt will take place anytime soon, it's fine to see how things lie. Having said that, you need to actively get out of this situation. Asking him anything is pointless, if he wanted to discuss things he would have. Tell him how it is then avoid him.

I know it sounds simpler than it is. Easier said than done, but wake up and smackie are right. Get out now and you may retrieve a shred of decency.

[smackie9]

Guys will do and say anything to seal the deal. I doubt he will "break up with her" for you....he might tell you a cock and bull story about how bad his relationship is to make you think it will lead to that like so many cheating men do......Don't waste your breath hun......if you feel you gave him the wrong impression, he is giving you one too.

[asdfg789]

@OP. You are so sucked up into this whole thing that you are not reading what people are saying here:

He has cheated with you (yes even without sex) and he will cheat on you.
Is that the kind of relationship you really want ?

[Bruce1]

Didn't understand what you mean, I want to know whether you love him.