Can I win her back?

[sam11]

My girlfriend of nearly 2 years broke up with me about a month and a half ago, we had been having a lot of problems, but even just a week before we broke up she told me she loved me, wanted it to work, she didn't want to be with anyone else, she said my personality was perfect, but she just wasn't happy anymore.
About 2 weeks after the break up I sent her a letter, in the letter I told her everything, everything I had been too embarrassed/scared (I don't know really) to tell her before. Me keeping these things from her are what put a strain on our relationship. I hoped maybe she would think that now I had opened up it was worth trying to work through things. She was angry that I had lied to her for 2 years. Since then we have messaged a little, and talked on the phone a couple of times, these phone calls have both been over an hour long. But I've stopped contacting her now, it was always me initiating contact and now we haven't spoken for about a week and a half.
She knows I want her back, and she knows that I am sorting out my issues, I'm waiting for some counselling. I was planning on seeing if she wanted to meet up at the weekend, just for a drink or something, is this a good idea or should I wait and see if she eventually contacts me? Or should I just give up altogether? Seeing as I am making all these changes and she still doesn't want to be with me?

In case it makes any difference, this was a same-sex relationship.

[Cerby]

Not to pry, but what was the secret you were holding for the entire relationship? This is important to help determine the severity of the situation.

Remember its an anonymous forum, so you can say whatever you need to.

[sam11]

I wouldn't really call it a secret, it's just I had a lot of issues when it came to intimacy and communication, and she always felt like it was because I didn't trust her, or I wasn't attracted to her. In fact I just have a lot of insecurities and I think I have some sort of issue with not wanting to put myself in a vulnerable position (this last bit I didn't put in the letter, its something I've thought about since), or not wanting to lose control, and I just don't seem to be able to talk about these things, its like I'm embarrassed or ashamed, I don't really know.

[devonbrown]

I would wait until you dealt with the issues you are talking about first. If you are only seeking help to deal with them to win her back, then it will probably be a wasted effort. She will see through that, and you don't really WANT to change. However, if you are doing it to better yourself, let her see the progress you are making through the counseling and such first.

Words are easy, but actions are hard. If she decides to come back, make sure that both you and she are willing to work through the issues that caused the relationship to sour. If one of you is not willing to put in the time and effort, it is doomed for failure.

Good luck.

[sam11]

I've always wanted to sort these things out, I guess I just got comfortable with not doing anything because she said she could deal with it (guess she couldn't). So I do want to deal with these issues no matter what happens with her. But I really not want to let her slip through my fingers if there is a chance, in the past she has moved on fast after relationships. I've already made some changes, I've done things to improve my self esteem, lost a little weight, got a hair cut, bought new clothes, and I do feel a bit better about myself. I've started talking about things more, I sent her the letter and I've opened up a little more to friends, although they don't know half as much as she does. I just want her to be able to see that I'm not all talk, it's long distance, so I'm never just going to bump into her, I just happen to be in her area at the weekend visiting friends. Is it really not a good idea to see if she want to meet up, I don't want to talk about our relationship, I just want to show her I am changing for the better.

[sam11]

She just rang me to ask me about something I would know about, however I know a few other people she could have called who would have known, or google would have been the best option, is it a good sign she is contacting me? I asked her if she wanted to meet up at the weekend for a drink, she said maybe, sounded a little reluctant but said she would ring me on friday to talk about it. What does this mean, I'm going a bit insane thinking about all the different possibilities. HELP!

[Klitchka]

I think she called you because she just wanted to know how you were doing with everything because you haven't called in a week and a half. Maybe she thought you were sick or something. I think she just wants some room to breath and sort some things out herself. She could have some friends that are telling her not to go out with you for awhile until you get your act together. Just give it more time. Call her once a week and catch up on things. But don't ask her out for a while! Whatever you do, don't act like a needy lost puppy. That will turn anyone off. Try to find something that will pre occupy your mind....maybe a new hobby or hit the gym. Do things to make yourself a better person and show some confidence. She will pick up on it and come around before you know it. Remember, a week before you broke up she said she loves you and didn't want anyone else.....Give this some more time. Good Luck!