Shall I give up? It has been 2.5 years...

[charie]

I am 27, January 2009 I started dating a guy who is a year younger than me, since then I stopped even thinking of dating someone else as I really enjoy his company. Not so long we started to fall inlove with each other. He is a Muslim and his family already had fixed a lady for him to marry, he kept on telling me that it is against his will eversince, but his family is really pushing for it and that he will really break it no matter what. We had fights about it because I already felt the need to meet his family but he cannot introduce me yet because of the engagement he has, he said it is not really easy for them to break it, but he assures me that he will and he will marry me. He always say how much he loves me and that I am the one he wants to grow old with, I really feel his sincerity. as a partner I can't say anything bad about him, he makes me feel his love in any way possible.

He is working as a Manager, but he hasn't finished his college yet, his family thought that he was going to the university, later they found out that he was not even registered there (he was with me all those days). I encouraged him to go to the university, I just don't understand why he did not, he always said he doesn't have te time for it yet. Now that is even hardening the issue coz when his family knew about it they really got disappointed and wanted him to do it whatever it takes. Now that makes me feel that our issue is being set aside because he has to finish his college first.

Now it's been 2.5 years and nothing had changed, except for some facts that he is showing to his family that he has no interest at all with the lady they want him to marry. He still can't say that he is already interested with someone else (ME) coz as per him he does not want me in a bad light, he doesn't want them to blame me for his decision.

I'll be turning 28 this coming June and he still can't give me a clear plan for us. I love him so much but sometimes I think of my assurance, will he really marry me? It hurts me so bad, and he knows how much it does but still he can't give me a concrete plan and a definite date for him to settle all his issues, aren't these my rights? Am i demanding too much?

Now I stopped telling him how I feel about his issues at home, coz I feel there is no point of telling him anymore as he does not voluntarily fix it. He waits for his family to bring the issue up and he will just reject it, but what if they bring it up after 5 years, the lady they want him to marry is just 19, there is no rush for them...

I won't last a day without me thinking and crying about it and it hurts me worse each day. I can't even tell my family what's really going on coz I am afraid that they will hate him and that will make things very bad. My family accepts him and loves him as they can see how much i love and care and adore him....

I never felt this kind of love before...
And now I don't know what shall I do...
I am afraid that one day he will just leave me and choose that lady...
or if I leave him I won't find love again...

I am devastated...
help....

[Boisdevie]

He obviously does not love you. He is a grown man and he should confront his parents and tell them about you. But he won't. Doesn't that tell you something?

[charie]

I hope it will be easy.. Thanks

[charie]

I know, I have told him that,,, and I have tried breaking up with him a couple of times but he does not let me... Whenever he comes to me and begging for a chance and enough time to fix things my heart melts away coz I really love him. I don't know from where to start...

[Wakeup]

I know, I have told him that,,, and I have tried breaking up with him a couple of times but he does not let me... Whenever he comes to me and begging for a chance and enough time to fix things my heart melts away coz I really love him. I don't know from where to start...

OP: Deep down you know what is going to happen to you... He will drop you when he marries the other girl. In the meantime he keeps you around for the services you provide for him without committment. If you have any pride you will break up with him and you will not waste another min with this man.

but he cannot introduce me yet because of the engagement he has, he said it is not really easy for them to break it, but he assures me that he will and he will marry me.

He will not disobey his father. If he was going to he would have done so by now.

You are living in denial and you are beliving he words that are just said to keep you satisfied until he's ready to leave you. He may keep you around even after he's married and have you as his mistriss with no security or marriage for you.

I suggest you be brave and break up with him and after you do you do not let him sweet talk you with his false words any longer. You make him prove to you with actions (by introducing you to his parents as his gf) before you agree to have him back in your life/bed/home/emotions.

He's using you while he waits for his parents instructions to be married to their choice.

[charie]

Hi! I must say I know deep inside those were possibly happening...

The second time I tried breaking up with him, he came to our home and talked to my parents and assured them that no matter what happens he will gonna marry me...
He even started giving them expensive presents...

What do you think about that? Thanks so much! It means a lot....

[oldskool83]

giving gifts is not giving love. marriages that are set up in those types of countires and religion are nothing to play with. one can rebel but if you dont do what your family belives you are shunned, they will have nothing to do with you. he will put it off as long as he can to rebel. find a man whos parents what him to marry you, not somone else.

[charie]

Hi, thanks for that! Are you trying to say that eventhough he will end up marrying me, his family will hate us an won't acknowledge us?

[oldskool83]

Im saying he parents will force him to marry who they want him to, arranged. i mean if ya got the guts maybe just tell his parents you love him and want to marry him.