my former love's brother

[olivejuice]

okay, everyone. I'm just going to spit this out and hopefully I'll get some insight into this. I grew up with this guy (our families are close friends) who I was always close with. As we got older, we started to like each other and went back and forth wondering if we should date, not wanting to cause any problems with our families. Finally, two years into college, we got brave and decided to go for it anyway. everything was great until that summer, when he was killed in an accident.

There aren't words big enough or long enough to describe what i went through. Suffice it to say that I dont remember much about that time, except for a LOT of crying. Talking to friends didn't help much. I just didn't get that they understood what i was going through. How could they understand? So I started talking to his brother. That helped, until it got intimate and we spent the night together. We've still been seeing each other a lot, and I really like him, but I feel like I'm betraying my first love, lying by hiding this from my family, and that this is going to blow up in my face at any moment.

What do i do?

[vashti]

Why would your family object? I wouldn't, assuming the guy is a decent one.

[Agape]

tough situation but as you say "We've still been seeing each other a lot, and I really like him"

You're not betraying your first love I'd say . . . you need to move on and not guilt-trip yourself from happiness

how long have you been hiding this?

[MerryH]

My condolences. That really sucks, I'm sorry.

At some point, everyone has to move on from the death of a loved one. It will always hurt but you just have to carry on, live life. I don't think you're betraying anyone. But I probably wouldn't feel the need to mention the brother thing to any family unless it got really serious. No sense in possibly making people uncomfortable if it's just a casual relationship, something that's possibly just a way to cope.

How long ago was the accident?

[Poetic_Partner]

I can't know your pain, so please forgive if anything said is out of place.

My first thought is "why are you hiding it?" - unless the death was very recent or the family very disfunctional I can't see why. At worst they will accept that you're both rebounding from the loss. At best, they'll consider themselves blessed to have you remain close to the family.

Your new lover should talk to his parents and/or best friend, and let them know you two have been seeing each other. Likewise, it will be your responsibility to tell your friends and family. Not everyone - just a coupel really close ones. Word will spread from there.

Condolences on your loss and good luck with your new love,
PP