Am I wrong?

[Kayne Argand]

Recently, my girlfriend and I have gone back to school. Many of my friends have the same lunch period as us, and I invited my best friend to eat lunch with me and her. I could tell she was mad after the period ended (because she was punching my bag and side), but I figure it'll blow over by the end of the day. It didn't. When I tried to figure out what was wrong, she kept shoving me away and not giving me eye contact, not even speaking to me, or at least telling me why she's mad. After 5 minutes of that she just stood up, straight face, grabbed her bag, and left. It's been like that since yesterday and persists until today. I understand that she's a very close-minded person, but she's promised to start expressing her feelings more to me, but as you can see... D:,`

I got into a discussion with my aforementioned friend about this just today, and he said that she didn't want him to eat lunch with us because she wanted to have lunch with me alone. It's at this point that I think I really feel like I have to draw the line. Really? I can't invite my friends to eat lunch with me, even though he's her friend too? I have live and work in the suburbs in the evenings, so I can't really just up and hang out with most of my friends in the afternoon, and I'm actually really lucky that I have so many close friends in my lunch class this year.

Anyway, to my questions. Firstly, is it wrong of me to just outright stop talking to her until she begins talking to me, and is it okay for me to feel mad? It hurts for me, but I think it's the right thing to do. Normally, when she's mad, no matter what, I'm the one apologizing, even if I feel it's her fault. This is one of those things where I feel that she's going too far and she's just being possessive with me, and not respecting my friends and my personal feelings. Finally, should I apologize for not talking to her? I personally think she has it coming, with all the months of silent treatment she gives me fairly often for extremely little and not-in-my-power things, like what time trains and buses get to where they need to go.

Thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you.

[Gigabitch]

Is she mute? What the hell is wrong with her? She can't just speak up and tell you what's wrong?

And what is this punching thing? Don't tolerate that- it's disrespectful.

[girl68]

Whoa- crazy girl. If this has been a problem before, she's promised to change and still has not, nor has she made any progress why do you continue to see a girl who refuses to change her poor behavior? Think about that.

I get mad often and do the whole over the top silent treatment thing, as she does. However I've been called on it a few times now. The most recent being a 2 day silent treatment. Now eventually I came around and we finally talked not about "not talking" but about why I wasn't talking to him. Once that problem was solved, he said that I need to talk before the silent treatment. If I have a problem I talk about instead of going into my hissy-pissy pants. And I am going to try- that's the difference, I will try- she is not. This is the difference between me "a keeper" and her... not so much.

No, you do not need to apologize for not talking to her. Let her come running back. If anything you can apologize for not spending some one on one time with her. That's probably what she was craving and you either didn't notice or didn't care.

But she needs to know you need your friends, and if she wants some one on one time you have to both make time for eachother- maybe NOT during lunch hour, but for an hour after school- you know whatever. She needs to speak up, not walk away.

Goodluck.

[carl1222]

Anyway, to my questions. Firstly, is it wrong of me to just outright stop talking to her until she begins talking to me, and is it okay for me to feel mad? It hurts for me, but I think it's the right thing to do. Normally, when she's mad, no matter what, I'm the one apologizing, even if I feel it's her fault. This is one of those things where I feel that she's going too far and she's just being possessive with me, and not respecting my friends and my personal feelings. Finally, should I apologize for not talking to her? I personally think she has it coming, with all the months of silent treatment she gives me fairly often for extremely little and not-in-my-power things, like what time trains and buses get to where they need to go.

Thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you.

See the part in bold. Stop doing that ... right now! You have taught her that she can get away with absolutely any outrageous, bratty behavior and you will simply roll over and play dead just to make the peace. I know you are both very young, but it's never too early for her to learn that she can't get away with that in any healthy relatioinship ... now or in the future.

I totally disagree with girl68 (an unusual occurance) when she suggests: "If anything you can apologize for not spending some one on one time with her. That's probably what she was craving and you either didn't notice or didn't care." If she wants more alone time with you, she should say so ... don't apologize for not being a mind reader when she has a perfectly functioning mouth.

You have made all the proper overtures for reconciliation, you owe her no more ... certainly not an apology. The ball is now in her court, you should do nothing further. If she continues this nonsense beyond this weekend, my advice is to break up with her.

Carl.

[Kayne Argand]

I see. Well, to respond to girl68, she's a "keeper," as you say, when she's not like this, it's only a problem when she IS being like... well, yeah. Also, it's not that I didn't notice or care that she wanted attention. I did. The daily visits to her house all through August to keep her company says that.

on to carl1222, I have stopped doing it with this incident. I've got too much on my plate to deal with a bitchy girlfriend anyway. Plus, underneath all her attitude, she's such an amazing girlfriend that loves me, and I still love her, don't get me wrong. I want to fix this. But I'm going to let her do what she's going to do before I do anything else.