I dont know what to do - i feel like the biggest asshole.

[JamesBrimble]

I AM the biggest asshole, aren't I..

I've been with my girlfriend for a year and 8 months and lately i've just been feeling like I want someone else, or just no one atall.

When started dating her I pretty much betrayed my friends and It was just me and my girlfriend, i didn't really have any friends because they all left me. It's taken me some time now but i've managed to gain their respect again, and my best friend and I are even planning to get a flat together by the end of 2009! But alas, this is where it complicates... She doesn't really give a shit about my friends.. And i think i'm getting bored of her or something. She's older than me by 2 months and she'll be 18 in november. There's something about her that isn't as appealing as when we started going out, it's as if she's let her true self go now that she's gotten used to being around me and that true self isnt what i look for in a girl.

Whilst writing this I feel like a big jerk off talking about her to a group of people on the internet, but there's nothing i can do. I just feel like it's time for a change, and that we need to split for good. I feel like crying every time i picture us apart for good, but there's something spiritually cleansing about it too - and then there's the vision of her with someone else, which tears me apart.

Sorry, i know im the worlds biggest ass right now, but i want your guidence, help, advice - anything.

I just want to be happy.

[IndiReloaded]

Its anonymous here, so no worries.

As for your problem: Break Up. You're not planning to marry this gal are you?

Just try to be nice. Expect her to be upset & don't respond like an ass. Look up kind breakup methods on Answers.com.

[shh!]

In my opinion, you are too young to tie yourself down any longer than you already did. You are young - you are SUPPOSED to be experiencing different things at this age - not tying yourself down like an old married man. You aren't a jerk unless you start cheating on her because you are too much of a chicken to break things off. Do the right thing and let her go. She should be experiencing life, too.

[starbuck]

Agree with Shh and Indie. You're not an ass. You deserve happiness as much as she does. It would be worse to stay with her out of guilt. Unfair to you and unfair to her.

Break up with her. You sound like the type of guy who would do it in a respectful way. You will feel bad afterwords of course, but also relieved. She'll get over it eventually, too.

[kai]

Well, I think the problem is you're spending too much time with her. You've to go out and meet new people and create the tension of separation between you and your gf. This way you'll be attracted to her the way you were. Both of you spend time alone with your friends. Try this for sometime.

If this doesn't work then it is time for break-up.

[blackzj52]

id say talk to her and tell her u guys need to spicen things up a bit

[Bokonon]

Lots of good ideas here, but I agree with the majority that say "break up". If you have seen her true self and she's not someone you're even attracted to or interested in anymore, it's time to move on. I've had several experiences like yours, agonizing about the decision to break up. Every time it has been hard, painful, excruciating, and every time I've felt it was the right decision as time went by afterward.

Best of luck...

[rsinal]

I'm in the exact situation except at times I'm still attracted and like the true self she shows me, but then there's times that she really gets to me. and just today she threw something in my face that she knows that i feel bad about it and hurt her terribly but she threw it at me like nothing and we were working to get to a better place and it was going well but since she said what she said i feel like im back at step one of trying to fix things with her and im not sure if i wanna bother fixing it if im just gunna get shoved back to the drawing board with her again.

any advice?

[Gigabitch]

You're not a jerk, so don't do that to yourself. When you break up with her, which you should, try to remember that because she's going to try to make you feel terrible about it (believe me- I'm female and I know). Be kind and don't stretch it out too long. Some breakups take hours- they don't have to. Five minutes should do it if you have your speech prepared.

Then, go No Contact. You can't be friends with her, at least not yet, so don't even try it.

[ksjacobs]

you can't stay in the relationship if you're not happy with it, the sooner you break up with the sooner you'll be happy and this girl should realise that you have friends too. if she's stopping you from spending time with your friend then she's not worth bothering about. the longer you spend with her the less time you'll have being happy with someone else.

[Hellfire]

You don't sound like an asshole. You're looking at the position that you're in and you're deciding that it's not something you want to invest the rest of your life in. So many other people in your would be sleeping around already, that would be the asshole thing to do.

I reckon that you need to break up with her. It hurts, yeah but ultimately it's going to give you a chance to expand your horizons. If you are meant to be together then it will happen.... maybe in a few years.

Like Giga said, when/if you do break up with her, go no contact and stay that way for at least a month, more even. Delete her number from your phone, don't go to places where you know she's going to be. Give it time, and then later you might be able to handle being friends.

[adam250]

I think you should just break up with her now and spare her the pain.

[misombra]

alienating ones partner from their friends is, imo, one of the most despicable things people do.

[ed604]

Just follow your heart man. If it feels like it's over now, then how do you think you feel later on if you're still with her? Probably the same. From the start of the relationship, if you and her are fighting or not getting along, it is an indication that in the future you would both be doing the same thing: fighting, etc. Plus, you're really young. You should think of settling down when you're older like 25 and up.

[carl1222]

I agree with all the comments above.

As to the actual breakup, you have 6 goals:

1) let her know that at your age, you are not ready to commit to a long-term relationship;
2) let her know this is final;
3) let her know it's not her fault;
4) let her know that all your feelings for her in the past have been genuine and you never at any time intended to hurt her or take advantage of her feelings for you;
5) let her know that you think she is wonderful and that you wish her well;
6) tell her that you think the best thing for her is to stop all contact.

THEN, after the breakup:

1) leave her alone even if you think later that breaking up was a mistake;
2) Don't call her, email her, message her, see her ... let her heal as quickly as possible without any false hopes.

Carl.