help! I'm so infatuated with him!

[Dreamer23]

I dont know what to do. I can't stop thinking about him. I think he likes me back, he said we can go out this week! But I'm just waiting on that phonecall like a madwoman! I cant eat, I have disturbed sleep, I've got sweaty, cold hands, constant butterflies and I feel tearful and happy when I hear certain song lyrics or watch a romantic film. I sound MENTAL, but what is going on?! I've had these feelings before obviously but never so quickly!
I've forgotten what its like!

[bobbiedaley]

You don't have to wait for his call! You can call him yourself ^.^

[Dreamer23]

No that looks too obsessive! He's already said he will let me know, so I should just wait really!

[Illusional]

you have answered your own question and you don't even realize it. you are INFATUATED with him. just another stage of your teenage life.

raverboy

[Mish]

The sacrifices we make just to appear "normal"

[GrkScorp]

No that looks too obsessive! He's already said he will let me know, so I should just wait really!

So, what you're saying is.. You would like for him to talk to you, and you would like to maintain the frame that "he" is chasing you.. that "he" is interested in you, so that you can rest easy knowing that you're not the only one interested.. and you'd rather cut off communication completely, than to simply call him and attempt to re-frame..

I have this crazy idea.. but i'll let you be the judge of that, it's not like i'm going to hypnotize you into doing anything you don't want to do;



Afterall, you have free choice, now

Step 1: Call him

I know what you're thinking.. isn't it just easier to just leave him a hint or note for him instead?

No, it isn't.. that's actually desperate.. just call him..

But what do I tell him?

- "Hey you! How come you didn't call?"
- Him: excuse
- "That's ok, don't worry about it, it's no big deal.. I was just bored and needed someone to talk to.. So I said hey, I haven't talked to what's his face in a while, let me see how he's doing.. What are you doing?"



Exactly.. here's how it works:

- You're actually talking.. which is always better than not talking
- You're setting up the frame that HE should be calling
- You're now making him feel guilty for not calling
- You take the guilt away after he gives an excuse
- Only to replace it with a put-down (making him feel that the only reason you called is because you're bored, and needed someone to talk to, implying that's the only value he can offer to you or that you were thinking about)
- Again, an other put-down (what's his face, implying you don't care much to even remember his name, but don't be rude, use his name after this!)
- But you haven't talked to him in a while, giving him a sense of recovery from those two put-downs.. it makes them easier to digest..
- Then you finish off the intro to the conversation by a "What are you doing?" letting the conversation flow naturally from that point on (no more put-downs)

Notice, this is much better than starting off the phone call with a "Hey you! What are you doing?" or a desperate "Hey you! I missed you! You didn't call me! I was so upset, what are you doing?"

The beauty behind this is that you're going to quickly control the frame.. and anything said from that point on will seem as if you're almost doing him a favor to still be there talking to you.. Please, don't go crazy.. An intro frame control is really all you need.. keep controlling the frame, and you'll either end up with a really wimpy guy who's a total push-over (sarcastic congrats), or you'll end up making him leave because he has better things to do than deal with your constant games.. A quick, short, initial re-frame is all it should take to set things back on track..

Feel it's been too long?

Case: I met a stewardess from JetBlue over a month ago, got her number and e-mail.. I waited about 2 days until I was going to call back.. then other people came in the way.. and it wasn't until 4 days later that I ended up calling.. after talking for about 20 mins, the issue of age came up (me, 23.. her, 33).. and 30 mins later we stopped talking.. I never called back since.. I wasn't ever going to either.. then, out of the blue, weeks later.. she e-mailed me.. wanted to meet up, so I e-mailed her back and told her a day, place, and time.. It was good with her schedule, so it's a date (March 7th).. never would have happened if she didn't e-mail me back..

Case: My friend Ben (26) met this french girl (19) at this lounge.. He didn't ask for her number the whole night.. She wasn't the type to offer him her number (Ford-model).. the night went on, and him and this other friend of mine were about to leave.. She goes up to him to say "bye" (her hint for him to ask for her number, but Ben doesn't.. not because he's not interested, but because he took the first step into approaching and opening up the conversation, it's only fair she now offer her number without him having to ask).. Ben says "bye" to her, and then goes back to her friends to say bye.. She then gives him her number before he leaves for good.. The next day (Sunday) he calls her, but she didn't pick up.. So he didn't bother to call again.. At that moment, she simply didn't exist any longer, he tried a second time, but still no answer.. so he deleted her number.. Nearly one week later; she calls him! They arranged a date, and dated for about 3 weeks.. It would've never happened if she didn't offer her number, or call him back!