In affair for 3 months - do I continue and risk hurting people?

[ConfusedManUK]

Hi

I've been in an affair now for about 3 months. I've been married now for 7 years, and together with my wife for 13 (we're both 37ish). We have no children, only 2 cats, and we own a house together. We recently moved from a very large city to a smaller one where we've jumped straight into a very good and wild partying group of friends. A few months before we moved down, and were out at a house party of a friend down here, I got into a drunken and passionate kiss with a girl who was at the party. It was the first time I'd ever done anything like that in all 13 years. I initially quickly messaged the girl the next day to say that I was sorry for doing that and couldn't do anything further at all.

However after we moved down, it happened again.. and then again.. now I find myself in an affair, sneaking out and going over to her place, or taking her away for trips out for a few hours.. It's the most amazing and most wildly passionate "relationship" I've ever been in, more so even than the earliest days with my wife. This other girl has been enjoying engagements with a few other men in the meantime (she is single after all).. and I've found myself growing more and more and more jealous of that fact. Basically feeling strength of emotions that I just haven't had seen maybe I was in my early 20's. The other girl has been careful so far not to allow herself to have deep feelings for any one person (she's had an affair with a married person twice before and got hurt).. however recently I can see that she'd starting having deep feelings for me, as I have for her. I guess in truth it's in large part because I worked hard to make her fall for me as was jealous of the other men who have been pursuing her. Just to add to the difficulty of the situation - since moving down, the other girl has become one of the very best friends of my wife here. Partly because they both had a lot in common and there was genuine friendship, but moreso of course because it gave reason for the two of us to be seeing each other a lot..

We had an amazing day trip recently, and really got to know each other much better from some deep talking.. She mentioned for the first time "Maybe we just run away together" - and the cold hard truth of the situation suddenly hit home to me - that I can't just forever have my cake and eat it, that at some point I would need to make a hard decision, and possibly decide to leave my wife.

There is nothing really wrong at all in my relationship with my wife. I think that things have certainly got "comfortable" over the years. We now make love maybe once a week on average. I have a very high sex drive and this doesn't really feel enough. Also she pretty much never initiates things, and is rarely very sexually forward at all.. it's pretty much always an expectation for me to make the first move, or get things started, and often this is knocked back due to tiredness or mood.. Things are VERY different with the other girl. Sex with her is mind blowing and by far the best I've ever had, and she also has an incredible body... I know that sex is ALWAYS far better in the early part of a relationship, but the sex within my affair at the moment is far better than it ever was even from the start with my wife.

I guess my only other issue really with my wife is that she can be very negative at times about things, situations etc. I spend a fair amount of my time with her trying to lift her spirits, cheer her up or take her mind off things. I've learned to be good at this, but it can be pretty emotionally draining at times. So far the other girl is seeming to be very different - always bubbly or at least level and stoic about things, and never miserable or down. BUT it's early days - i've known here now for a couple of months at most really..

So in the immediate term, I have a choice really -
> Finish the affair now, focus on trying to make the very best out of my marriage.. Risk hurting the other girl a bit but not as badly as it could be. BUT probably spend the rest of my life3 wondering "what if", and I don't know if I can bear watching her then get together with another man in our friend group...
> OR carry on with the affair for a good while longer - so I can get to know the other girl more. See if there IS enough there for me to leave my wife.. I just don't know her enough at the moment to be able to make that decision at all.. The risk here though is that either we get found out, or I spend much longer with the other girl, come to decision that I love my wife more, and THEN end things with the other girl - potentially breaking her heart even more.

I DO know that if I do decide at some point to leave my wife, that it would absolutely break her, tear her heart apart. I don't know if I could ever bring myself to do that.. but then could I live with that "what if" otherwise, with feeling that I'd missed out on a better happiness from this one shot at life that we get..

Anyone been through something similar, or got views? Not looking for basic "moral" views here really.. I know the only moral approach here is to end the affair and focus on my wife.. But I need to look at my own best future happiness as another aspect of this too..

Thanks