Boyfriend wants space/time apart in relationship

[MissFitz]

Sorry for the long post but here's my story, i hope a few of you on here could shed some light on this for me or any advice would be appreciated.

After a few bad days at work and other things getting him down my boyfriend of 4 years asked yesterday for some space/time apart to make sure what he is doing is right, he said he is now looking at life in the greater scale of things and wonders what direction his life is going and wants to make sure we are together because we want to be together or is it just because its like a routine we have got into and just go along with it. He also mentioned that recently sex seemed to be more like a routine and the thought of our sex life being like this for the rest of our lives depresses him slightly. In the same message he went on to say he thinks i am totally gorgeous and that i'm the best thing to ever happen to him and doesn't want to throw away four years over 1 day but its like someones flicked a switch in this head and its brought on all these thoughts of his life and what its all about.

This came as a big shock to me and i'm totally gutted because i never seen this coming and i am now left wondering will this time apart make him realise he's happy on his own or miss what we had and want to be together for the long term. I agreed to not contact him at all i respect his wishes of wanting space but its really hard from having contact every day to nothing, it just seems so cold. He also ask if we could just leave our relationship status on facebook as in a relationship, also that he's not interested in anyone else he just wants to be on this own and do his own thing.

so last night after only one day of no contact he text to say its weird not talking to each other isn't it and ask what i was up to, after a few messages of general chat he then said that he still see's us as in a relationship at minute but just taking a bit of time apart and then see how we both feel and if it really is meant to be, he thinks deep down i wasn't happy either and the more i think about it maybe i wasn't but that still doesn't stop me loving and missing him.

I'm still confused and hurt over it all because i don't know if he text because he's actually missing me or just because its usually what we did before bed, and i still don't know how much time apart we are going to have. Although this space between us (its been a week today since i last seen him) has made me think about the relationship and how things maybe could have been better with effort from both sides rather than just going along with the normal old routine.

[Sixpacj]

Sorry, I didn't find any question in your post? Are you asking if he will come back to you, or... what you should do, or... ;-)

It is strange he should have put your relationship on hold after one bad day at work, the thought must have been germinating somewhere in his head for some time...

[MissFitz]

I don't really know what I'm asking maybe just hearing what an outsiders view of all this is. Do u think this situation is fixable? he did say he hasn't been happy for a while now but why ask for space then text me the next day saying its weird not speaking to each other. I don't really understand why not just finish the relationship and move on.

[bulrush]

Facts can be hard to see when your emotions are all messed up in love. Here's how I see the facts:
- He thinks you're cute.
- He thinks you might lack in the bedroom department. Take this as an opportunity to improve.
- Sounds like you two are in love. But that doesn't mean you two are compatible. If you are not compatible, you will find that love isn't enough, and things just will not work. And if you get a divorce, you will find out that a divorce is very expensive financially, and emotionally.

he thinks deep down i wasn't happy either and the more i think about it maybe i wasn't but that still doesn't stop me loving and missing him.

I think your emotions clouded your judgement. This is very common in the US. Just look at the 60% divorce rate. Try to put your emotions aside and think about compatibility.

**Top things couples fight about**

* Sex. How often to have it. How kinky to get.
* Finances. How much to spend, how much to save. How much to spend on big items like cars and a house. How much to save for retirement, how much debt to have.
* Kids. How many to have, when to start having them.


**Elements of Compatibility, or, Stuff You Will Fight About**

Here are some items which couples often have a hard time when they are not in agreement. If you are not in close agreement on these issues, you two will likely have problems stemming from these disagreements.

* Kids. How many to have. When to have them.
* Money. How much to spend. How much to save. How much to invest. Which big things to buy first.
* Sex. How often. How kinky.
* Socializing. How often do you go out and socialize, and with whom.
* How much time you spend together. Some individuals like to spend lots of time together, some people like to spend less time together. A healthy relationship requires SOME time together, but how much depends on what you two agree on. One can't play videogames constantly, and one can't always be socializing. The two of you must find a compromise that works for you.
* Family. How often to visit them. Which holidays do you visit your family, and which holidays do you visit her family?
* Cleaning house. Some people can tolerate a slightly dirty house, some cannot. Some have to have the house cleaned every day, or at least picked up. You can't expect someone to behave just like you would. So how are you going to compromise on this?
* Religion. Which religion to choose. How often to go to services.
* Politics. Some people can agree to disagree if they have different political views. But this is rare. It helps if you have similar political views.