relationship problem

[guy_79]

Hi everyone,

I am completely new to this forum, and I have registered because I have a relationship problem and need advice. I am in a new place where I don't have really good friends, just aquaintances. So please help.

I have been in a relationship with my current partner since April 2004. We have had good times and some hard times, but every relationship is of such nature. Lately however, I am about to go mad. Here is why.

My girlfriend constantly accuses me that I am going to cheat on her and look at other girls. Hence, if I say that I am going to the supermarket to get milk and newspapers, she gets upset with me, and accuses me: "you are going to cheat on me, you will look at other girls." Further, I cannot use the internet on my computer, although I need it badly for my research and work, due to the same reasons. I love her and I want our relationship to work perfectly. However, I cannot stand these accusations anymore. I do not surf porn or look at other girls, and I am not interested in it. I have never cheated on her in any ways, and do not intend to. I just wish our relationship was normal and she stopped accusing me of such nonsense. I have more reasons to accuse her of such things, but I do not do that because I think trust is the must in any relationship.

I mean every time I use the internet she accuses me that I am going to look at girls. Recently she got so upset, because on one website which I visited for the news on oil prices apparently there was a girl on the side or at the bottom. I did not even notice this, and she got so upset about it. I really don't know what to do. I am going to go mad. Yet, I really need to concentrate on my work.

Please help

[Asip4u]

whoa! That doesn't sound very good at all. She's way too controlling i'd say and you have to do something asap. If she cannot trust you with simple stuff like that, i'm sorry but i think it's better that you move on and find someone who will give you some space to breathe. There is no easy fix to this and i'm sure you've tried other ways, have you not? Talking with her and explaining everything..etc. How old is she anyways?

[guy_79]

She's 20 and I am 25. I've tried to talk to her, I just feel that I need other people's opinions for once. I am new to this city and have no close friends who I can talk to about it.

whoa! That doesn't sound very good at all. She's way too controlling i'd say and you have to do something asap. If she cannot trust you with simple stuff like that, i'm sorry but i think it's better that you move on and find someone who will give you some space to breathe. There is no easy fix to this and i'm sure you've tried other ways, have you not? Talking with her and explaining everything..etc. How old is she anyways?

[shh!]

She sounds extremely insecure, and there is nothing YOU can do to fix that. You said you have more reason to be accusing her, so I would guess it is possible she is projecting her own guilt onto you, but it doesn't really matter WHY she does this; it is still inappropriate. The question is, are you willing to tolerate it, and if so, why?

[guy_79]

I really love her, and do not want to throw our relatinship away after almost 15 months. She does feel insecure at the moment due to some problems with her skin. However, in my opinion, she has no reason to, because I find her beautiful and gorgeous. I told her this. She says that I am just being sweet and do not want to upset her, but I am not. I am in no mood whatsoever to be sweet. I think she is extremely beautiful. And also, even if she had no skin I would still love her, because inside and not outside is what matters most. I am 25, turning 26, and want serious commitment and stable relationship without this kind of stress.

[shh!]

Well, I suppose after having a very serious discussion about this with her, you can insist on some sort of counseling, but I really don't know why it is preferable to stick with a bad relationship than to seek out a healthier one at your age.

By the way, she would probably improve her self-esteem if she does something productive and meaningful with her life - something she feels passionate about. Does she do anything like this? It would give her something more to focus on than just your relationship.

[Tone]

Yeah wow... ask her if you should just start carrying grocery bags with you and she can ask all the girls at <wherever you go> if they mind putting those on for awhile to not tempt her boyfriend to cheat!

Seriously though, good luck... she definately has to learn to be more trusting. You should set it up so she somehow finds this thread and reads it, without making it look intentional :P