A person of the same sex is in to me

[Dune]

First off, I want to say that I tried my best to mean no offense with my title and I have nothing against gays/lesbians.

Well pretty much the title says it all. I'm a guy. I'm 21. I'm straight. But about a few months ago, this other guy, let's call him Z, started to be-friend me. We are both in the same uni, and he is my senior. We became fast friends, and well, my guess is because he's been taking the initiative to hang out with my group of friends to see me (as it gets pretty obvious when someone is trying to do that).

At first, I thought he was just a friendly person, and then he started dropping hints, which I guess I dismissed most of them out of fear that he may have feelings for me. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt and treated him like my friend.

However, after one of the times that we hung out in a group, just before he dropped me off my place (he always always offer to fetch me around), he sorta wanted to talk about something. I told him I don't wanna grab a cup of coffee and chat because I was tired, but then, he parked his car, and decided to talk there and then. So he confessed that he has feelings for me and all. I rejected him outright but told him we can remain as friends.

He was tearing and I was a little freaked out about the whole thing. I mean I'm 100% straight, and no offense, but I just find it all very creepy. I'm totally cool with him being my friend but I think he finds it difficult to keep his emotions in check.

However, things started getting out of hand and the part that I cannot stand is:
1. He texts me constantly, and I've told him off a couple of times, but he still gradually falls back into the same routine. It gets on my nerves because I don't entertain his messages, and he'll start spamming. And when I tell him about it, he gets all emotional and complains that I'm cold.

2. He tells me that he gets jealous when he sees me being so close to my other guy friends. Well, my guy friends have been with me practically from year 1, and to be honest, I just know him for a couple of months.

3. He keeps trying to "read" me, and says that he finds me very intriguing and sophisticated but personally, I find it all creepy.

4. He gets emotional very easily and he starts doing things that I do. It annoys the hell outta me. I mean where do I start. I'm quite a gamer so when I started replaying starcraft 2, he does it too, and he wants to play with me. Fine, then I went on to play HoN, a multiplayer game, and he does it too. Sorry if I sound petty but it's these little things which makes me feel like I'm being stalked. Also, he starts talking like me.. I mean he starts using the same emoticons as I, and he basically copies most of my unique chatting quirks, which I find it all very disturbing. I mean when someone chats, everybody has their style. And apparently he pretty much speaks with all the chatting quirks that is unique to me. He also likes to say to me how special he finds me and how similar in "wavelength" we are. It freaks the living daylights outta me.

5. When he gets mad at me, he just flips 180 and is it as if I deserve it. He even starts posting emotional stuff on his facebook wall regarding me.

6. He starts assimilating himself into my group, and outwardly, he's a nice guy and all, but the difficult thing now is that he's becoming part of the group. So I have to see him on almost every ocassion, and the hardest thing is that my friends doesn't know that he's gay, and it is just out of the question that I tell them, as it is not fair for Z.

7. Sometimes, he volunteers to help me with my work, but when I sorta don't "return" his good deed, he gets all upset at me and says that I'm making use of him.

8. He enjoys biting me. Yes I know it sounds weird, but he took the opportunity (twice), to literally bite me on my shoulder. He did it once out of the blue and it just felt so awkward, and obviously, I didn't approve of his actions. The second time, he just decides to bite me while watching a movie. And the weirdest thing ever was that on one ocassion, when we were out drinking with my friends, he acted all drunk and kissed me on my cheek. I mean I was just sitting there and Wham!!! He just decided to plant one on me, and I was like WTF!

Honestly, I am just clueless. I've tried telling him off. Believe me, I've been very clear with him. Harsh even. It seems like he doesn't get the message. Normally I would just ignore it, but it's all coming to be too much to bear. I don't know what I should do. Please advise. I can't just leave him in the dust as he really takes the effort to become close with all my friends.

[bulrush]

Congratulations! You have your very own stalker.

If you live in a residence hall, isn't there someone in authority you can talk to? Maybe they can ask your stalker to stop following you? In ths US each floor has a Resident Assistant, who is a student. The whole residence hall is run by a Resident Director, an adult.

If not, sounds like you have been very clear. So avoid him all the time, ignore all his calls, ignore all his texts. Don't be mean. Or tell him you have a girlfriend that lives in another city. Maybe he will go away. I'm a guy. I never had a guy stalk me, but I did have a girl stalk me in college. It did get uncomfortable after a while.

[Dune]

I live at home, so there's no RA in charge. Furthermore, he knows about my recent breakup.

The feeling of weirdness is just on a whole new level. A stalker. And a friggin' guy. It's hell of a uncomfortable because sometimes he treats me like his boyfriend, and it makes me feel like kicking him in the nuts.

[MerryH]

You don't have to be friends with him. I know it's awkward because he's made friends with your friends, but that is the absolute only reason you mentioned for not just telling him to leave you alone. That's not a good enough reason. You're uncomfortable with him, so don't be around him.

Say, "Look, I know you have/had feelings for me, and even though I have never felt the same, I thought our friendship could survive that. I've realized that it can't. This friendship you are offering is too much for me, and it's making me uncomfortable. Please do not ever contact me again, and please understand that under no circumstances will I speak to you in social situations, so it's best if we avoid each other completely. Please respect my wishes. No more contact." You know, something like that, except make it sound less like a legal document or whatever.

You're dealing with a person who either has some emotional problems or who does not respect personal boundaries. You have to be firm and direct. Don't allow for any misunderstandings and don't say anything that he can interpret as a sign that he has a chance. And seriously, just never speak to him. It's hard to tell someone that, but sometimes it just becomes necessary. Do it this way before he annoys you so much that you end up kicking him in the nuts.

[Marioneta]

Write him a letter/email, explaining to him that if he wants to be friends with you then he should stop doing those things that you find uncomfortable. Describe how he makes you feel and that he pushes you away with his behaviour. Tell him that you want to be friends with him (if you really want to that is), but this can happen only if he behaves.
If he doesn't get it after you've made it clear to him exactly like you made it clear at this forum, then what else can you do than ignore him and stop responding to him, and break up the friendship/contact.

[SunRiver]

This is obsessive stalking behavior. Just because he makes an effort to be friends with your other friends DOES NOT MEAN you have to be friends with him. You can indeed "leave him in the dust" if he is causing constant upset in your life. His behavior is indeed creepy and downright disrespectful. If he doesn't stop the odd behaviors after asking him to stop, DROP HIM. Case closed. End of story. Not worth it.

[mwahahaha]

I think you maybe secretly harbour fantasies of a quick bumming with this wack job. Just do it, it doesnt hurt that much and you might even like it. The least you can do is suck him off after all the effort he has put in.

[Dune]

Lol @ the comment above. I can assure you I harbour no such thing. The very thought of it makes me sick to the core. He has gone through quite a bit as far as his family background is concerned eg. issues with his father and siblings. I feel pity for him sometimes.

However, seeing as I'll be graduating soon, I'd probably just pull a disappearing act. Thanks for all the responses and advice.

[AnnonymousMan]

I can relate to this, except Z sounds more open with you than a gay friend I once had. My gay friend started coming on to me and instead of saying 'hey bro im straight!' i made it obvious by talking about girls and how i wanted a girlfriend. He never got the hint and eventually tried hardcore to come on to me so I just quit hanging out with him all together. I have nothing against gay people but come on...when you know a guy or girl is straight then why the hell do you insist on getting with them?

As for your issue, you need to lose him as a friend. His feeling won't just 'go away' and I understand how being in love or having an interest feels. It isn't something you can ignore.

[Dune]

I told him I needed some space recently because of all his constant texting, and he's giving me the cold shoulder very much in a manner of how a girlfriend would react. Imagine that? Sometimes I don't know if I should laugh or be freaked out. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Point to note, however, is that gays are great with girls, and I too, frequently talk about girls to him so as to make him get the hint. On a completely different note, he gives great advice on how to get girls, though he claims that it's dangerous information as it is very "potent."

[devonbrown]

OP, you are acting as if there is nothing you can do in this situation, when the fact of the matter is that you can simply stop talking to him, being friends with him, etc. Tell him flat out that if he doesn't find a way to be able to deal with his unrequited feelings for you that you are going to have to remove yourself from your friendship with him. One conversation, make it clear, and then hold tight to it.

Good luck.