very frugal boyfriend

[Jay-Tea]

love isn't love 'till you give it away

I love my boyfriend so much. He loves me too. Problem is, he's soooooooo frugal. We work in the same company and I admit I earn more than he does. I understand completely why he controls his spending and from the start whenever we eat out, it's always dutch treat. But then, it really gets to my nerves sometimes because he counts up to the last cent! I mean, he can't seem to afford to be at least "thoughtful" to share a little more. From the beginning of this relationship, he's never given me flowers. I guess I'm really just a girl who needs to be cared for that way. Worse, he spends so much more for his dog, buying it toys and stuff! I don't want us to lose it. But I'm afraid that if this "unthoughtfulness" goes on, I might come to a point of giving up because it's really getting to be unfulfilling. Please help.

[peshkunta]

I don't know what to tell you, but seems like he likes his dog more than you.

I have a hard time with people who are stingy and it seems like money or anything they have material is more important than someone like a friend. I have a friend kinda like that, and it REALLY annoys me when he shows that side of him. If he wasn't a close friend of mine, I wouldn't care, but he is and that makes it worse.

If I had a stingy girlfriend, I would dump her. In your case, if he has a hard time sharing or giving you material things that to me shows lack of love...When you love someone you want to give to them, you want to make them happy.

I might be wrong, there might be a deep psychological reason for this which shows that this is not lack of love, but I just can't imagine not wanting to share something with someone you love.

[Illusional]

to be honest, if you want answers, you should talk to him about this spending of money. express how it seems that he cares more for his dog and see what type of reaction he gives you. it may or may not be what you're looking for, but i feel this is a better way of finding out what you really want to know. raverboy

[Jay-Tea]

Raverboy and Peshkunta,
Thanks soooo much for your replies. Sure does help a lot! I already brought this up to him but not "specifically". It's really hard to say it exactly as it is because I think money is such a sensitive issue. I mean, how do you actually say it?
You're right Peshkunta, he probably has a psychological issue of some sort. How sad. Honestly, it's causing me to hold back too. I'm definitely not frugal myself but with him, I tend to be the same! I hate it.

[KatWoman]

Ugh! My ex was so fricken frugal he would get mad at me for not crushing the milk carton when I threw it away because it was wasting space in the trash bag! That was only one of the things he did that drove me nutz! He didn't make any sence with his idea of 'frugal' because he wouldn't even blink an eye when it came to buying the whole bar a round or buying pull tabs!

[Jay-Tea]

gez what? i finally had the guts to tell him about it ( amids the tears that was... it wasn't easy at all )
anyway, IT WORKED! he was so sorry and i must say he's such a changed guy now!
thanks people!