Desperate

[okapa]

Hey guys...
Well, before we start I'd like to tell you I'm 15... yes, 15 and I'm having a girl problem like this one... ok, let's get started...

In the begining of the 3rd term (I'm at school - yup, that's a bit logic) I fell in love with thise girl, or at least I think so... I just know that I kept thinking about every single moment of my life, so bad that it made me lost my apetite for a while...

We were already good friends so I just had to approach and within a week we were sending text messages each other all the time and I always took her home if we and our friends (we wouldn't go alone) went out.

The problem - she had a boyfriend. Ok, it wasn't very big because she met him on the Internet and they had never met each other... whatever.

I didn't tell her I liked/loved/fancied/had a crush on her/whatever because of that, I felt bad, so I waited until they broke up (on the mobile phone) and I told her everything...

She told me that I was a very good friend and that she couldn't be with someone who she didn't really like in that way so I moved along.

I broke contact, at least what I could since I had managed to be near her in all classes and she started "begging me" for attention, sending me text messages asking me why I wouldn't talk to her, showing that she was upset for me not talking to her...

Classes are over but I still feel very bad, like... well, I don't have much problem getting girls, I'm a confident guy, they say they like me physically, I'm pretty good at striking conversations... but I can't stop thinking I'll never get a girl I really love and that she's the one I'll be after all my life... Please help me, what should I do?

[anachronistic]

In the begining of the 3rd term (I'm at school - yup, that's a bit logic) I fell in love with thise girl, or at least I think so... I just know that I kept thinking about every single moment of my life, so bad that it made me lost my apetite for a while...

Problem Nummer 1: if you were in love, you would feel happy, not that way.

We were already good friends so I just had to approach and within a week we were sending text messages each other all the time and I always took her home if we and our friends (we wouldn't go alone) went out.

That's good that you're friends, but Problem Nummer 2: Text messaging is a waste of time; girls like to do it, and that's all they do, but seriously, it's a waste of time. You'll regret it later. Stick with short, simple phone calls instead.

The problem - she had a boyfriend. Ok, it wasn't very big because she met him on the Internet and they had never met each other... whatever.

That's a problem. We'll make that Problem Nummer 3. Not only will this **** up your karma, but if she will break up with a guy for you, chances are she'll break up with you for another guy.

I didn't tell her I liked/loved/fancied/had a crush on her/whatever because of that, I felt bad, so I waited until they broke up (on the mobile phone) and I told her everything...

Oh, so she dumped the guy, eh? Well here's Problem Nummer 4: you dumped it all on her at an instant. What exactly did you tell her? Good gods, I hope you didn't say "I love you".

She told me that I was a very good friend and that she couldn't be with someone who she didn't really like in that way so I moved along.

Well, it's very good she was upfront and honest with you. I know girls that instead of being honest, would lead you on and break your heart. That wouldn't be any better, would it? However, you're desperate, so that's still a problem.

I broke contact, at least what I could since I had managed to be near her in all classes and she started "begging me" for attention, sending me text messages asking me why I wouldn't talk to her, showing that she was upset for me not talking to her...

Well why the hell did you do that? That was very immature. I thought you were good friends. You shouldn't let things like that affect friendship. It was very wrong of you to do that. Problem Nummer 5.

Classes are over but I still feel very bad, like... well, I don't have much problem getting girls, I'm a confident guy, they say they like me physically, I'm pretty good at striking conversations... but I can't stop thinking I'll never get a girl I really love and that she's the one I'll be after all my life... Please help me, what should I do?

I don't blame you. I'd feel bad too. Not only because you didn't get her as a girlfriend, but the way you treated her; guilt should be hanging off you like a 200 lb weight.

I think what you're doing is trying too hard. If you got the looks, well you won't have trouble in high school. However, if you were confident, you wouldn't be treating that girl the way you are, and you wouldn't be desperate.

You're a young kid. I was 15 too, just a few years ago. Give it time, be more laid back, let the women come to you. That's all I got to say.

And if that girl meant anything to you as a friend, I highly recommend going to her house and apologizing to her face.

[vashti]

I completely disagree with lilwing. I think you handled yourself perfectly. You had romantic interest in this girl, and she does not reciprocate that feeling. The best way to heal your heart is to avoid her.

The reason she is begging you for attention is because she is trying to alleviate her guilt over hurting your feelings. She shouldn't feel guilty, but that is just the way girls are. Tell her you are not interested in being her friend - that you wanted to *date* her - and until she is interested in the same, you'd rather keep your distance.

This probably won't be your last heartbreak. Consider this practice for your future, which I am sure will be strewn with girls that are crazy about you. Just be patient. The right girl is out there, but you are still very young.

PS - I am really impressed with the way you handled this entire relationship, especially your waiting until she broke up to divulge your feelings, and then having the good sense to cut contact. Many grown men don't have as much sense as you do.

[okapa]

I said I tried to break contact... I didn't ignore her...
What I mean is I used to try to be near her every second, always talking to her and I couldn't keep doing that, could I?
I continued talking to her but I waited for her to have the initiative of talking to me...
Should we continue listening to music together in our breaks? I think that would be wrong for the both of us...
Should I put my arm around her while walking with her? I don't think that would be ok...

But what I mean is... even having the looks and being able to strike a conversation... Well at least I have 4 girls after me that I know of, so I suppose I have the looks... Do we meet that many women we really like in real life? Is it hard?

Most of my friends just want a hot girl to ****, I want a girl I really like, one I care about...


In answer to some problems : P
1. You're probably right, that makes me feel good, thank you.
2. Don't they like to keep in touch with us? Usually they start and I have to answer... :\
3 and 4. I think he was the one to break up with her.
5. Ive explained that.

I dont feel guilty at all, maybe I should... thanks for your help/support/whatever : )

[okapa]

Sorry Vashti, I only saw that now... I did tell her about our friendship and about we having to cut contact a bit.

[vashti]

I dont feel guilty at all, maybe I should...

No, you shouldn't. Stay away from her until your heart is healed.

[anachronistic]

But what I mean is... even having the looks and being able to strike a conversation... Well at least I have 4 girls after me that I know of, so I suppose I have the looks... Do we meet that many women we really like in real life? Is it hard?

you'll meet a lot of women in your lifetime that you'll like. wait till college you'll know what i am talking about then.

[okapa]

Thanks guys, you really cheered me up : )
You can close the topic.

[Only-virgins]

Biggest problem is that this girl is probably his age(15) and she is dating/seeing other men over the internet. Not a good idea.

[LostNotFound]

[QUOTE=vashti;277916]I completely disagree with lilwing. QUOTE]

me to. your 15. there are enough over girls out there. and they'll be better than this one coz they'll like you back! yay!

[anachronistic]

Biggest problem is that this girl is probably his age(15) and she is dating/seeing other men over the internet. Not a good idea.

yea. what is with all this internet shiat?

[meh]

I don't understand why people bash Internet/long distance relationships. It's the choice of who ever is involved in the relationship, who are you to judge their relationship and deem it somehow inferior to a real life relationship?

But yes, I do agree with vashti this time, you handled yourself very well, cutting contact was perhaps a bit strong, but still, it had to be done, not as a way of reprimanding her, just as a way of simplifying things.

You're 15, don't worry, you're going to meet loads of girls, and some of them might even be nice.

[vashti]

Biggest problem is that this girl is probably his age(15) and she is dating/seeing other men over the internet. Not a good idea.

What makes you think it was a *man* and not another fifteen year old kid?

[okapa]

What makes you think it was a *man* and not another fifteen year old kid?

Actually it was a 18 years old guy...