Why do women like confident guys?

[Prodigal]

So, a common thought or idea with romantic advice for men is that you should be confident. It has been said many times, and it is something that interests me greatly. After doing some reading (not about this subject directly), I drew some inferences about why people have made this conclusion. Agree or disagree, this is a hypothesis I have semi-formulated concerning why women like men with confidence.

From early schooling, males and females are treated differently. For example, when teachers give males attention on the playground, it's about either athletics or logical thinking. There is no talk about physical appearance to guys, especially when it comes to compliments. When teachers interact with girls, however, they always compliment them on how pretty they look.

When students don't know what to do, teachers tend to teach male students how to do things while they do things for female students. Thus it's harder for females to actually learn to do things on their own. Studies have shown that female students tend to be less confident in their abilities than males. (this is all summarized from an argument by Sadker)

Because of this trend that women have lower confidence than men, they look for confidence in men. This could be because they look to them for support or motivation. Because he is more confident in his actions, that puts him out as more able to succeed (whether he really is more able to succeed is a different story). Also, they look to them to boost their esteem.
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This puts a question in my mind. Another idea that is stated a lot is that people tend to be attracted to people of the opposite sex that are like them. If this is the case, then why aren't more men who show their doubts more often (many men have self-doubt but don't really show it) more sought out by women?

Granted, these are both generalizations and this is something I assumed from the beginning. But, assuming that they are generalizations, it infers that one of them is incorrect. I guess my question is which you think is correct and why (or maybe you believe neither are). In any case, I'd love feedback on this. Whether you agree, disagree, have a completely different view... in any case, it'd be great to have some good discussion and have more insight to go off of.

[london1234]

i think you may be right mate.... about girlz looking for confident guys who can protect them...

theres this girl who i like who used to say stuff like "youre so confident and sure bout urself" etc etc and she even said "we're so similiar"... so for me... the bit about people lookin for similiar opposite sexes seems true...

there may be sum wrong bitz but the overall picture seems to be correct to me...

the thing is shes stopped talkin to me after ppl teased her bout me.. and i havent done anythin that dramatic to her.. i dont toucher her or hold her or anythin.. so itz all goin dojy with me lol...

mabye i need to show my confidence again

[Chlorine]

prodigal----In general, confident guys are more attractive to me because they seem to have less hang-ups. They know what they are doing and are happy in their own skin.

Someone who is insecure often needs to be reassured. Plus insecurity often leads to jealousy eg. "Who are you going out with? Why?".

It's hard enough getting along with someone, let alone someone who is insecure.

Still, do not confuse confident with cocky.

[Lloyd95]

For example, when teachers give males attention on the playground, it's about either athletics or logical thinking. There is no talk about physical appearance to guys, especially when it comes to compliments. When teachers interact with girls, however, they always compliment them on how pretty they look.

Hmmm......my teachers always told me I was pretty.

[TAVS]

Um, okay. Whatever Prodigal.

[Tone]

haha Lloyd, it's cause you are!

Interesting theory Prod. I think it's, like Chlorine said, girls just want someone who is confident in themselves and likes being in their own skin. It's hard to explain.. but why would you want to be with someone who you have to argue with everytime you compliment them to try to convince them you really DO find them attractive, etc etc. About people who have insecurities (all of them?) maybe they look for the confident ones hoping some of that can rub off on them, and they can learn to appreciate more things in life.. I dunno - I'm sittin here gettin frustrated cause I can't put in words what I'm tryin to say about this.

[Junsui]

Do guys not look for confident girls? I always thought they did. So how would your theory explain that? I agree with Chlorine as well. We want someone who is confident so we don't have to deal with the jealousy and insecurity. Also, Tone, I agree with you. Sometimes if you are lacking something within your personality, you will seek that out in someone else. It's healthier to just build up that side in yourself. If you look to someone else to fill that part of yourself, then you usually don't feel whole without that other person.

[TAVS]

I've been with confident girls and non-confident girls. I like them both for different reasons. But maybe confident isn't the word I'm thinking of.....more like introverted or not.

[Prodigal]

Chlorine- you make some good points, especially about the jealousy thing. I've seen that happen quite a bit.

Junsui- You bring up a great question, and it's something that is hard for me to answer off the top of my head. I think that many guys tend to have more of an emphasis on physical appearance than women do, and so I could definitely see how having confidence in one's appearance would make her more attractive to men.

I don't really know what I could say about confidence in general when it comes to men being attracted to women. I've never really thought of that or noticed it! It's a really interesting point. One thing I'd say though, is that confidence usually tends to lead toward independence (you feel you have the ability to do things on your own, and you believe in yourself, so why would you want someone else to do it for you? Why would you want to depend on someone for something?), and I do think that a lot of guys don't like that. I do think that this is showing how gender roles are in society. Males tend to be dominant in relationships, and it is engrained in this society. They're expected to ask the woman out, to make all the first moves... later on, the man is also expected to give the primary support for the family. So, drawing from this, maybe it's also a trend that men like women to be somewhat dependent on them... which is correlated with their own self-confidence.

Tone- Don't worry. I understand your point, and it is well taken. I could definitely see the part about wanting someone to rub off on you. It suggests that some people would want someone a bit different (having things they lack themselves) so that maybe they can pick up on those traits.

NOTE: Just to be crystal clear, all these statements I'm making are generalizations. By no means am I saying that all men or all women fall under this. I don't wish to offend anyone with the topic or my statements.

[boobaa]

Women are just lazy, they like to rely on others.

I once made myself looking like a really confident man and i got that "we are so similar" reaction also, several times, and thats just weird for me.

[misombra]

prod- that reminds me of some studies that have been done in math classes. the general theory is that boys are better instructed than girls in that area, in turn making girls less confident in their ability to do things math/science related.

[Tone]

Also I think if they see someone who has a really bright and upbeat personality and they are really confident in themself - they wanna see for themselves why you like yourself so much and what you got goin on for you - cause obviously you got somethin.

[misombra]

i think it goes both ways as well. i think men like a woman with confidence.

[Tone]

Oh yeah for sure, I agree it is both ways. Confidence = attraction for both men and women.

[Late_vamp]

i agree but its not always good when they have TOO much confidence , then they belive theyr untouchable , hence , arrogance , cocky