Am I overthinking this?

[Kona]

Need male advice.... In a relationship with a man I worked with for 4 yrs. We're both in our mid to late 40's. I moved out of country for work right beforehand (13 hr time difference). No romantic involvement at all beforehand because we were both attached. We always clicked well right from the start. Kept in touch after I moved and here we are now. It's been 7 mos.

Scenario:
the beginning we could talk only through text which we talked about everything. Hearts on our sleeves with lots of very heartfelt texting putting it all out there. Now he calls regularly thru WeChat usually 3-5 times a week for 15 mins to 1hr - all initiated by him. We've both said we love each other and we want to be together, etc. We even have our own acronyms LLL - HBS (like lust love - heart body soul). We have a lot of naughty text too (our libidos connect perfectly). We have video chats/dates when can. We've spent time in person after our relationship started and it did get physical. It was more than we both imagined it to be...in the good way.

What I'm struggling with:
We're not having our heartfelt talk much anymore. Like there's a shift to being too comfortable and not trying as much to let me know how he feels? The naughty text are always on which I enjoy, but at same time it bothers me that he's not opening up as much about his feelings as he did before. We both prefer talking on phone (in person best). He does open up more on the phone, but we're still not really sharing our hearts like we did before. We always say we miss each other. He does tell me he loves me....not at the end of EVERY call or all the time on text....but he does say it some. He's always happy to hear my voice and always looking forward to seeing each other on video. We still text everyday (initiated by both) but not as many text and not 'deep' like before. I know it's natural to not have as many text as time goes on in a relationship and I am ok with that.

I'm missing the heartfelt stuff we used to share. I miss him telling me how he feels. It helps me feel connected to him with having such a great distance. I have way more free time on my hands to think about everything, so I don't want to create a problem where there is none. Should I be worried at all or am I overthinking it? If I need to bring it up - how? What do I say? Last thing any woman wants is to come across as needy.


Any thoughts?

[geicoad]

WAAAY overthinking. Life is too short. Men are mostly all the same.

[Kona]

WAAAY overthinking. Life is too short. Men are mostly all the same.

Thank you for the honesty. So there's nothing to worry about when a man doesn't tell how he feels the way he does in the beginning? The distance is hard when you're not there to show how you feel. I'm a widow and have been out of the dating scene for a long time. Don't want to screw a good thing up out of insecurity.

[relblogger]

Yep. I think you're thinking that over a bit too much. Us men are all the same. We get too comfortable and forget to tell our significant other how beautiful she looks, or how awesome they make us feel every day; that by them simply not being there would crush us beyond all comprehension. We relax, shove on the telly and put our feet up.

We're also told by peers / society / media that emotions are bad - we need to be robotic unfeely thingies lol - and most of us follow suit unfortunately.

Sometimes all it takes is a nudge.

Have you discussed this with him?

Tell him how it's making you 'feel'. Don't say you're worrying me. Tell him by not opening up you're making me feel not as important any more. Because you'd only be telling the truth

[Kona]

[MENTION=82508]relblogger[/MENTION]
Thanks for the response. I haven't discussed this with him. How do I 'nudge' him in the right way? He's the type who doesn't sweat the small stuff. He's much better at showing how he feels rather than saying it. I know actions always speak louder than words for men. Like calling everyday after work without me ever asking. When we talk on the phone he sounds very happy and seems to open up more. There's still a big difference in now compared to the beginning as far as the 'mushy' stuff goes. I also know he's the type who thinks once something has been discussed & settled no need to discuss again - but that's the business side I know.

The hardest time is when it's his bedtime. He moves at a fast pace all day long and when he's done - he's literally done! Crashes hard at end of the day. He always says goodnight - even if it's just a short 'night babes xoxo.' Every once in a while I won't get a text close to his bedtime. I'm sure it's because he's fallen asleep, but my mind still wonders. It's only 2:00pm for me and I have the entire day to think about it....and that includes the "what if's" which is so damaging to a relationship.

So, how do I bring it up in a good, positive, heartfelt way that isn't making him feel like he's disappointed me?

[jrharvey]

Women are so different than men. You are overthinking this and to you his actions mean he is pulling away. He most likely is not. Men seek stability and comfort. Women seek excitement and drama. Not the bad kind of drama but they want feelings, intense convos and some highs and lows. Men want a nice steady road. Its very very hard for a man to keep up new and exciting things and feelings with a woman. In the first few months to a year it just kind of happens naturally but after some time life gets in the way and starts to demand more time. He may feel like you are his rock and will always be there and support him no matter what. Many guys get in this mindset and dont see their woman drifting farther and farther away. Never realizing shes emotionally gone until one day she packs up her bags and leaves and he is left wondering what the hell happened. Here is what you need to do. COMMUNICATE! Guys cannot read your mind. Remember we speak a different language. You need to be BLUNT with us and tell us exactly what you want. Dont speak in code or say things you dont mean. If you want him to be romantic say it. But another important thing is dont get mad at him when he does what you ask. Dont say... your only doing that because i asked you to. OK well DUH he is. He is doing what you said will make you happy because he wants to make you happy! Anyways, hope this helps. Sounds like you guys need to take a romantic trip to rekindle the fire.