My X-gf got pregnant (not from me)..please read, I need your opinion

[TomerT]

So, as I posted here before my x-gf broke up with me while she on 1.5 months vacation in her country.She told me that she needs time and space...whatever...I gave it to her, without any clinging or begging from my side. I also went abroad during this time, we were not in touch for 3-4 weeks. Eventually I arrived to airport to meet her, naively thinking she will be nicely surprised. Instead I saw her together with her X from last long (3 years) relationship. I texted her something like "how are you doing ?", and after few hours received a text from her mum (that was always saying me that loves me like her son) and she asked me not to text, not to email and not to try to make any contact with her daughter, since her new (old) bf very jealous and completely controlling/monitoring her (including cell phone and email, etc..). This is not all. Next day I get known from her mum that this girl got "accidentally" pregnant. I want to mention - that she left as my gf, we didn't have fight, nothing...we slept one hour before her flight. We had our problems before, we may be were not the perfect couple, but still...Also, while we were together she swear to me (almost on the bible) that there is nothing (completely nothing) between her and her X-bf. Once she even "accused" that it is jealousy eating my mind (although I really really was not jealous...she was free person in any senses. I always told her if there is a tiny chance that you and your X can fix your relationship go for it and I will be the first one to be happy for you. She always told me that they tried many times and there is nothing left between them (at least from her side) I know he also dated someone during this period. They are both from the same city (in Philippines) and really unplanned it happened that they went there at the same period and he was near her during this time, while I was in my country (waiting for her..)

After few days she came back, she eventually called me (from supermarket toilet and her mum phone) - she was crying saying me she is very confused, don’t understand how its happened and (still) don't know what to do (she is pregnant from him now - did I mention this ? and still does not what to do ?!). She also told me that she was thinking about me (when she slept with him), I still in her heart and all this stuff...she also mentioned abortion and asked me if I may consider to take her back after all this. I s don't know if she really meant for it (may be just testing me). So I said to her "Seems to me honey, you already decided"...We talked may be 5 mins. She told me she will call me some other day and indeed she called after 3 days, but I didn’t answer and since then (already a week) she didn't call, nor SMS, nothing...I was expecting if she really wants to say something important to me she will find me (we live not to far from each other), she knows my schedule, where I live, where I work...so I thought if it is something important (and not just her temporary emotional weakness) she will just come to me. Is it too much to ask in this situation ?

What hurts me more is the fact that we never had a chance to make a "closure" for our relationship (although apparently it is so obvious). I never did anything bad to her, always treated her with trust and respect, and she treated me as "used shoe" (don't you think)..I would expect at least to meet, talk...to understand what happen to kiss her goodbye and wish her good luck...But seems to me she deliberately avoiding even this simple request.
Since, most likely I will never know the truth and receive any explanation from her, I will very thankful if you can give me your possible explanation what happened and why she is acting towards me like this, completely ignoring (like I was nothing in her live, like complete stranger, although we even were talking about getting marry one day). Amn't I deserve at least an explanation ?

Now, I will not be surprised if in few weeks she may come to me and ask to "fix" our relationship (whatever left from it)
I loved her very much and still can not stop thinking about her (although imaging her sleeping with someone - drives me completely nuts). On the other hand I think we all do mistakes and if she can give me some reasonable explanation I can accept it. I think at least I deserve an explanation what happened (she mentioned once that her family pushed her to come back to him). And I do believe deep inside her she is sorry for what happen and would like to turn the wheel back. So what should I do ?

I loved her very much - and if it was up to me, I would give her a second chance, but currently I am not sure if she wants it. May be she just ashamed (she mentioned it) and / or afraid to approach me thinking that she will do me better if just let me go. But I still constantly think about her. I have to mention that I was so angry and felt so desperate about what happen that I slept with two girls during last week..I never saw or will see them again, but I was so angry at her that she even doesn't want to explain me what happened during this time.

She always swear to me (almost on the bible) that she and her X are completely over and there is no way back...I have never jealous or was clingy. But apparently she was wrong. I have a feeling that he manipulated her when he felt she was "lonely" _ family pressure. So he did what he had to do. But I really didn't expect it from her. She was always told me that "I am her love of a life" and all this stuff...we were talking about getting marry one day...On the one hand I really angry at her and feel cheated, on the other hand I still love her and want to hug her. What should I do ?

Also she “accused” me in what happen – saying that I so easily accepted her suggestion to have a break and then going to “No contact” mode – she felt “pushed” by me. Does she has a point ?

[MerryH]

Also she “accused” me in what happen – saying that I so easily accepted her suggestion to have a break and then going to “No contact” mode – she felt “pushed” by me. Does she has a point ?

Hahahaha. No. Don't even start to let her blame this on you. It's not your fault.

Since, most likely I will never know the truth and receive any explanation from her, I will very thankful if you can give me your possible explanation what happened and why she is acting towards me like this, completely ignoring (like I was nothing in her live, like complete stranger, although we even were talking about getting marry one day). Amn't I deserve at least an explanation ?

Well, I mean, what do you want her to explain? You know what happened - she cheated on you and got knocked up. Do you really need to know all the details?

Ok, just for fun, here's what happened in my mind:

She goes back home for a long visit. She's back with all her old friends and family, living the life she used to live before she ever met you. Since she hasn't talked to you for a few weeks (at her request), she kinda starts forgetting about you and her life in her new country. Then her old boyfriend comes along. They fall into their old habits. BOOM SHE'S PREGNANT. End scene.

And that's the absolute nicest version of what happened. Maybe it was worse. Maybe she asked you for "time and space" because she knew that she was going to go back home and have a blast and get with as many guys as possible in 1.5 months. Maybe she knew her ex would be there and she wanted to give it another try with him, until she realized that he was such a dick, so now she wants to get back with you, the nice one. But not before having (presumably) unprotected sex with him.

Uh, so there you go. That was probably not entirely helpful. Good luck, though.

[TomerT]

The funny thing, that "in my mind" I was ready to gave us a second chance, if she "cvlean the mess" she did and handle the situation in mature, sensitive and responsible way. Currently she behaves like complete stranger, it is like completely differnet person I used to know - and this what hurts me even more.

[Junket]

God damn it.

Don't post two identical threads.

[VincenzoG91]

If I could thank MerryH twice, I would. Insightful and straight to the point. Don't get back together with your ex, you can't trust her anymore.

[VincenzoG91]

Hypothetically, if you did get back together with her, imagine how paranoid you are going to feel the next time she takes a vacation. Will she get pregnant again? Or will she at least use birth control on her next vacation? If I were you, I wouldn't even talk to her anymore.

[VincenzoG91]

Have a nice trip, dear. Don't forget to take those pills. Maybe you could even use the condoms I put in your suitcase.

[justcheckin]

once a cheater always a cheater.... I dare you to prove me wrong.