Friend keeps pushing for something more

[im_in_love]

Deleted...

[MerryH]

Why are you even friends with him? Seriously.

Cut him off. Never speak to him again. Why haven't you done this already?

[tremolo]

Why are you still interested in maintaining the friendship? Did I miss that somewhere in the post?

That all sounds like an incredible nuisance. I think I would have cut him off entirely a long time ago.

[im_in_love]

Also, I should add that he's somewhat suicidal. He talks about how he wants to die all the time because the world "hates" him. He's also talked about how he wants to become a serial killer. That is my BIGGEST reason for not just completely saying "see ya" to him and his friendship. He knows where I live, and my access code to my garage from a long time ago. I've caught him standing outside my bedroom window in the middle of the night before - just standing there. He's talked about killing people without getting caught and how he could do it and all this stuff.... He's apparently been diagnosed with schitzophrania and a bunch of mental disorders. He's been in mental hospitals before and had episodes in public apparently. Just thought I'd add that for anyone thinking "why don't you just cut him out of your life?"

EDIT. I posted this before I saw both of your posts... I guess this answers them.

[tremolo]

Why are you even friends with him? Seriously.

Cut him off. Never speak to him again. Why haven't you done this already?

Jinx.......

[tremolo]

Also, I should add that he's somewhat suicidal. He talks about how he wants to die all the time because the world "hates" him. He's also talked about how he wants to become a serial killer. That is my BIGGEST reason for not just completely saying "see ya" to him and his friendship. He knows where I live, and my access code to my garage from a long time ago. I've caught him standing outside my bedroom window in the middle of the night before - just standing there. He's talked about killing people without getting caught and how he could do it and all this stuff.... He's apparently been diagnosed with schitzophrania and a bunch of mental disorders. He's been in mental hospitals before and had episodes in public apparently. Just thought I'd add that for anyone thinking "why don't you just cut him out of your life?"

EDIT. I posted this before I saw both of your posts... I guess this answers them.

Ok. You need to change that passcode on the garage and get a restraining order. You also need to make it clear to him that the 'friendship' is over, effective immediately.

I would even consider moving.

[MerryH]

EDIT. I posted this before I saw both of your posts... I guess this answers them.

Jinx.......

Ha. Jinx x3.

Change the access code to your garage. Change your locks just in case. Block his number from your phone. Send him an email that states that you can't deal with his mental health issues anymore and that you do not want to continue your friendship and to never come to your house or contact you again. You have to be really direct and really firm. Then never, ever respond to him again. EVER. That's important.

[MerryH]

Ok. You need to change that passcode on the garage and get a restraining order. You also need to make it clear to him that the 'friendship' is over, effective immediately.

I would even consider moving.

Grrr. Stop that!

[tremolo]

Grrr. Stop that!

Great minds...

[im_in_love]

Ok. You need to change that passcode on the garage and get a restraining order. You also need to make it clear to him that the 'friendship' is over, effective immediately.

I would even consider moving.

I completely agree with this. Due to my situation, I can't move right now. I've just gotten out of college and just barely got a job that I should be starting in a few weeks. I plan on moving in the next couple months. I've told my roommates (who own the house I am currently in) about him and that I'd like to change the garage code. They won't do it, they're just too lazy to try to remember another code. I've contemplated the idea of flat out telling him that I need him to stop with all of this or I'm gone, but frankly I'm scared of him. I know he's not stable at all (he says this a lot also) and I don't want to put myself or anyone close to me in danger.

Multiple times he's talked about killing the people who hurt me. The main person being my best friend. I made the mistake of venting to him a couple times about her when her and I were fighting, and he takes it way too seriously... I can't put my friend and her family in danger like that, as he's met her and knows where her boyfriend works (again, punching myself for letting that information out) I literally think he would do something stupid. He's the type of person who would go on a killing spree and then kill himself.

[MerryH]

Do your roommates fully grasp how potentially dangerous he is? Do they know a schizophrenic with an unhealthy obsession with you has the garage code? "Too lazy" is not a good reason to not change it.

Do you know his parents or any other family or close friends of his? Do you know the name of his doctor? If so, try talking to them and telling them that he's scaring you and you can't be friends with him anymore. Maybe they can help.

You're right to be scared of him, but you shouldn't have someone like that in your life.

[tremolo]

I completely agree with this. Due to my situation, I can't move right now. I've just gotten out of college and just barely got a job that I should be starting in a few weeks. I plan on moving in the next couple months. I've told my roommates (who own the house I am currently in) about him and that I'd like to change the garage code. They won't do it, they're just too lazy to try to remember another code. I've contemplated the idea of flat out telling him that I need him to stop with all of this or I'm gone, but frankly I'm scared of him. I know he's not stable at all (he says this a lot also) and I don't want to put myself or anyone close to me in danger.

If he were just your average creepy stalker, I would say you could reason with him and ask him never to come to your house again. But if he is truly mentally disturbed, then talking firmly with him might not be enough. That's why I suggested moving. If you can move in a couple months, then do it. Make sure he has no idea where you go, and instruct your housemates not to let him know your whereabouts after you leave. I'm glad to hear you're living with housemates and won't be alone for the next few weeks.

When you talk to him, tell him his behavior is creepy and inappropriate and that if you find him lurking again near your house, you'll call the police and have him arrested for stalking you. Keep the PD number handy in case he does show up sometime.

As for the garage... if you have to, reprogram the number yourself and give your housemates the new code after you do. You can make it something mutually easy for them to remember - just don't let their apathy get in the way of your safety.

[im_in_love]

Do your roommates fully grasp how potentially dangerous he is? Do they know a schizophrenic with an unhealthy obsession with you has the garage code? "Too lazy" is not a good reason to not change it.

Do you know his parents or any other family or close friends of his? Do you know the name of his doctor? If so, try talking to them and telling them that he's scaring you and you can't be friends with him anymore. Maybe they can help.

You're right to be scared of him, but you shouldn't have someone like that in your life.

My roommates know his obsession with me, but not his mental health state. Up until now, I always just thought that was something personal that I had no right to share with others without his knowledge. Now I'm seeing that it's something I need to let them know. His family moved out of state leaving him here because they didn't want to take care of him. I don't have any of their information to contact them. We do have one mutual friend who knows everything I do, and I've talked to him about it, but he just doesn't think it's serious. He shrugs it off whenever I bring it up. I hate being selfish by not wanting to deal with his problems, but I really shouldn't have to. I feel like I'm constantly babysitting him or that I'm his mother or something. Almost like I'm obligated to take care of him.

[im_in_love]

If he were just your average creepy stalker, I would say you could reason with him and ask him never to come to your house again. But if he is truly mentally disturbed, then talking firmly with him might not be enough. That's why I suggested moving. If you can move in a couple months, then do it. Make sure he has no idea where you go, and instruct your housemates not to let him know your whereabouts after you leave. I'm glad to hear you're living with housemates and won't be alone for the next few weeks.

When you talk to him, tell him his behavior is creepy and inappropriate and that if you find him lurking again near your house, you'll call the police and have him arrested for stalking you. Keep the PD number handy in case he does show up sometime.

As for the garage... if you have to, reprogram the number yourself and give your housemates the new code after you do. You can make it something mutually easy for them to remember - just don't let their apathy get in the way of your safety.

Yes, his mental state is what's really bothering me. I just don't think talking to him would be enough, as it hasn't stopped him from doing anything before. I do feel somewhat safe living here with other people, as we do have guns to protect us if anyone were to break in. I plan on moving as soon as possible, and definitely do not plan on telling him where it is. I will figure out how to reprogram the garage code and do that right away for good measure.

Thank you both for your advice, by the way! Definitely appreciate it.

[tremolo]

Make sure your windows are locked as well, and think about adding a chain lock to the door.