Shocking Realisation

[sadface]

I have been with my bf for over 5 years now. It started as a long distance relationship. It is still a long distance relationship but I have moved closer to him now and the plan is to move in together next year.

When it was started, he swept me off my feet. He is a lovely guy. He was whom I was always looking for, loving, caring and most importantly loves me to bits. I can be myself with him and I feel at ease with him all the time.

These 5 years, we went through a lot and after 2 years together, I have stopped making efforts. I just thought that things will still be rosy as I am so confident and trusting with his love towards me.

Then, things started to go downhill. Few months ago, I started to 'sense' things weren't right. He had not been as caring as before and also had made some bad jokes towards our relationship.

The other things were that I was ready to settle down with him but whenever the word 'marriage' comes up, he just ignore the subject. This has upset me a lot. Even when his parents and his frens asked him when we are getting married, he will ignore the question. Even in front of me.

Few weeks ago, we went on holiday and we had a heated argument. Then, he told me that he didn't like some of the aspect of me i.e. personality. He said that I am too critical in everything and always being negative. He also said that I am not appreciating him at all and seeing me is no longer 'excite' him. I was shock to hear this and it makes me realise that I have been selfish and not been appreciating him. But I told him that he should have told me ages ago before things were getting out of hand. At one point, he was hesitating to see my parents (for the first time).

At the end of the argument, I apologised to him and told him how I feel. It made me realise that I love him so much and really want to work it out. He made it up with me and told me that he want us to be happy forever.

Although we made up after the argument, I still feel very upset about the whole thing. I am afraid that it is too late to made it up to him now. Saying so, I am still very upset about the wedding subject and feel rejected by him. I just don't know how to act now to salvage our relationship.

[alter_ego]

It's never too late. You both need to put some effort into your relationship if you want thinks peak again. Maybe it easier said than done but in the end it will probably be worth it.

These things aren't as unusual as you think, give it some time and don't give up.

[sadface]

Hi there, thanks for the advice. I am still very doubtful with his feeling towards me. Although we did all the things which couples do as before, I still feel a little bit of 'vague' in him. The other day when we were having a curdle in bed, I told him that I love him but he didn't reply. That really hurts. Although in the past, sometimes when he said it to me, I don't necessarily replied also. I am seeing him this weekend. Do you think I should talk to him about my feeling or will it scares him away?

I had a bad breakup b4 him. Went out with a guy for 8 months. I was very upset when we broken up. The feeling of us drifting apart before we broke up has almost the same as how I feel now. I am so scared that this feeling is telling me that he is about to break up with me.

[IndiReloaded]

Listen to your gut instincts. If they tell you he's not sincere, you're probably right. If in doubt, however, ask. He doesn't sound the sort to bluntly lie to your face.

This is assuming you can handle hearing the truth. If not, don't ask.

[sadface]

Hi Indi, thanks, I don't think I can handle the truth and if my gut feelings is correct, I will be destroyed. Do you think it is too late to salvage this relationship? I don't want to give up

[Mish]

It's never too late to salvage the relationship if both are interested in mending (and provided there weren't serious transgressions). Perhaps you should have a conversation about the future and what your and his thoughts are on the subject of the future. Perhaps it's time to make a plan suitable to both of you. If for one reason or another he can't see a future with you, then he's simply not interested and it's best to know now rather than later.

[agatha]

Just give another try.

Hope with what he had told you, you will change that one or you should suffice his need so that he won't complain something about you.
He told you those things because he can't feel anything at all.

Stick to what he has told you and bear that in mind always

he want the two of you to be happy forever.

Don't easily decide if you can't handle things.

[IndiReloaded]

Hi Indi, thanks, I don't think I can handle the truth and if my gut feelings is correct, I will be destroyed. Do you think it is too late to salvage this relationship? I don't want to give up

As Mish said, its never too late. Just a question as to where you want to put your energy & for how long.

As for the rest, I dunno. I'm not really a believer in ignoring ones instincts, unless you have a *very* good reason not to.

I wish you all the best, Sadface. I hope it becomes Happyface soon.

[sadface]

Thanks guys for all the advice. I have mess up big time and almost ruin the wonderful relationship with him. I will try my best to salvage this and not to give up no matter what. I shall update you guy and hopefully as Indi states, sadface will become happyface!