My wife cheated on me

**MrIB** · 02-02-13, 10:59 PM

My wife told me about 5 months ago that after her and her two friends went out they were just sitting in the car playing and a game of truth or dare started. One of the dares were all of them showing each others their boobs, another dare was one of the friends daring my wife and the other friend to kiss. She said they kissed, with tongue for just a few seconds and that was it.

I was upset when she told me, but the fact that she told me the next day and was very open and honest about everything eased the pain and after a bit of shock and a small argument, I got over it.

Fast forward 5 months to last night - she told me she had been needing to tell me something but was afraid and on that night, it wasn't a dare. She said he and her friend were alone and just talking and next thing she knows they are kissing, in her words, "full make out session". Well of course I ask what that means and I want to know everything. She said they felt each other up and get friend fingered her. I asked how it shopped and she said that her friends boy friend called and she had to leave. No telling where it would have led if the friend didn't have to leave.

My wife has been out with her many of times since and said nothing happened. She said she talked to her friend (which has been her best friend for about 15 years) and they both agreed it wouldn't happen again and were afraid it might end their friendship.

My wife said she isn't interested in women and have no idea how it happened. She said it could have been because she lost a lot of weight (70 pounds) and have a new found confidence and it was mixed with alcohol and it just happened.

I am just upset, hurt, disgusted. If she would have came clean that night I probably would have been more forgiving, but the fact she cheated, made up a lie and then finally told the truth 5 months later made it worse. We both were cheated on in the past and we both know how it feels. I just can't imagine her doing this. The 6 years we have been married I have never entertained the thought of cheating on her. I hate when people do that to others. We both know how each other feel about the subject.

I just don't know what to do about the marriage now. I feel like I can't trust her and I know I am going to want to check her phone, email, etc every chance I get. That's not healthy for either one of us. Plus is it even fair for me to not want her to hang out with her friend any longer. She's on a co-ed softball team with her and I don't even want her to play with her.

We spoke about it on the way home and when we got home she went to our room and shut the door so I just slept on the couch and then this morning she didn't really say anything except about our son loving his oatmeal. She left and didn't even say bye, Now I didn't either, but this wasn't my mistake that was made.

I just don't know what to do. Thanks for reading.

**bcgirl** · 03-02-13, 12:09 AM

I am sorry this had happened to you. It was very poor judgement on her behalf plus probably booze made her judgement even worse. Why not take some time away, go to a hotel or something to clear your mind a bit

**MrIB** · 03-02-13, 01:02 AM

I also think, maybe I am not doing my job as a husband and that's why it happened? In the end, it was still her fault and it should have never happened, but maybe I'm part of the reason it did.

**bcgirl** · 03-02-13, 01:46 AM

Originally Posted by MrIB

I also think, maybe I am not doing my job as a husband and that's why it happened? In the end, it was still her fault and it should have never happened, but maybe I'm part of the reason it did.

Can you magically make yourself female? Your wife cheated on you with another female! Perhaps your wife may be a lesbo? Or at least bi-curious. If the tables were turned and you kissed another dude at a party, she would be questioning your sexuality.

**MrIB** · 03-02-13, 02:13 AM

Originally Posted by bcgirl

Can you magically make yourself female? Your wife cheated on you with another female! Perhaps your wife may be a lesbo? Or at least bi-curious. If the tables were turned and you kissed another dude at a party, she would be questioning your sexuality.

She sure would.

And I can't imagine us being together and trying to keep her from her friend because of this.

I think it's just a situation I have to suck it up and consider it could have been worse. She will just have to earn my trust back and I just need to forgive her.

**surfhb2** · 03-02-13, 02:37 AM

How's your sex life.?

**dem862** · 03-02-13, 02:49 AM

Have you considered a threesome?

**Starnique** · 03-02-13, 04:03 AM

Originally Posted by MrIB

I also think, maybe I am not doing my job as a husband and that's why it happened? In the end, it was still her fault and it should have never happened, but maybe I'm part of the reason it did.

Correct. I agree. You wasnt doing your job as a husband. She didnt even go to another man she went to a woman, so why are you taking it so hard? If you had any type of manhood you will join in the mix and then get over it.

**MrIB** · 03-02-13, 04:43 AM

Originally Posted by surfhb2

How's your sex life.?

It's alright. Since our son was born 20 months ago its not as frequent. I could easily to another woman to get what I wanted as well. Rather work on us then get my nut.

Not sure if in jest or not, but not every man wants a 3 some. At least not with my wife.

**Rowen** · 03-02-13, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by MrIB

Not sure if in jest or not, but not every man wants a 3 some. At least not with my wife.

^ Someone agrees with me? Yeah, I'd never try one either...

Anyway, I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I know what it's like being cheated on, so I can imagine the vortex of thoughts and emotions you must be going through. You can't feel like you're not doing your job as a husband, though. You obviously love her very much. SHE was the one who got drunk and let a moment of weakness get to her. SHE was the one who committed acts of a sexual nature outside of your marriage. SHE was the one who lied about it. Not you.
All you did was love her, so how can you not have been doing your job as a husband in this situation?

Now, as for what you should do, I think you should really ask yourself how much you love her. Don't just take a thirty second pause as you read this on your computer screen. No, go for a long walk and assess every single piece of every single feeling you have for her. Once you do that, you'll honestly know if it's even possible to stick with this marriage. I would hope you can work past this, if not for the two of you, for your son...but it's not my decision to make.

You alone have to ask yourself if you can forgive her for a moment of drunken encounters masked by a lie. We can sit here at our keyboards and tell you what we'd all do, but in the end, it's your decision because it's your life. So, ask yourself those questions, and then you'll know what to do.

**rob1984** · 04-02-13, 04:11 AM

honestly, I think she was curious.. if she was upset at you, or emotionally not there, she would have went to a man.. however her way of thinking was probably " hmm if its a girl my husband will not feel betrayed or have his ego shot" and I wonder what this feels like. Society shows us that men like it when women fool around with other woman and automatically show us we need a threesome. If this bugs you tell her, and ask her why a woman? what interested her in this... was it curiosity..does she feel she may be a lesbian ect.. communication is key. She did not tell you cause she though nothing of it, but she eventually told you. Just talk to her and you will get your answers.

**MrIB** · 05-02-13, 03:52 AM

I told my wife I forgave her, which I do... but it still bothers me. I am not mad any longer, but just hurt and disappointed. I just keep thinking about her and the other woman doing this stuff and I shouldn't, but it upsets me that it may have went further if they were not interrupted.

Any advice on how to handle the friend situation - I've never had any issues with her friends, she has always been nice, real cool to hang out with it, but now it's going to be awkward, I don't want to forbid my wife from hanging out with her best friend, but who knows if it could happen again. Should I not allow her to play on the same co-ed softball team or hang out any longer? They have hung out plenty of times since and my wife said nothing else has happened.

It very well could have been a honest mistake that my wife regrets, but now there is trust issues. Also, if she was turned on and enjoyed it, to me it seems she is at least curious in women. I just don't know how to handle any of this. I am just lost here on what to do. I don't want to get a divorce, but lost on the the things I mentioned above.

Thanks to all who have chimed in.

**BackUpOrGetStng** · 05-02-13, 04:00 AM

You should start banging other women. Work on your marriage, but you should be able to tell that its probably over, so start moving on and it'll be a lot easier in the long run. This is going to keep happening. If you regret a mistake, you don't make it twice.

**MrIB** · 05-02-13, 04:27 AM

Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng

You should start banging other women. Work on your marriage, but you should be able to tell that its probably over, so start moving on and it'll be a lot easier in the long run. This is going to keep happening. If you regret a mistake, you don't make it twice.

Wait, what was done twice, she only did it once.

**smackie9** · 05-02-13, 04:41 AM

It's obvious you both need to have a very frank conversation about what you want and what she wants. I doubt this happened over night for her...this is something she has done before or always had the desire to but was too afraid to talk about it....it's not going to stop either, she wants to explore her sexuality whether you are on board or not. You both are going to have to come to some agreeance to accept that this marriage is over or one of you is going to have to make a compromise. Get couples couseling to work through it to make your final decision. An apology isn't going to fix this.

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