My wife cheated on me

[eastwimd]

I found out when that guy's fiancee came knocking on our doors 2 days ago in the middle of the night. She dragged along the guy with her, and let me read the text messages exchanged between them on his phone. Filled with explicit sexual contents that i never thought my wife is capable of, things she'd not say to me even. i promptly gave that guy a punch on the face.

the next 2 days we went through shit. Shes crying apologizing explaining , i'm scolding and ignoring. the hurt is like a knife through my heart many times over. Everytime i think about it, i see her having sex with that guy, enjoying it, and even sort of gloating over it in their text exchange. Sweet nothings, terms she used to call me, all used on him. Planning how to avoid letting me know, planning when to meet for sex. I dont know who she is anymore, its not how i know her at all.

i'm contemplating ending this marriage. but her pleading and actions made me want to give her a second chance. I love her and very much want to make it work. but everytime i see her, my head is filled with images of them being intimate, and their texts keeping flashing across my mind. Drives me crazy.

Will it work out? has anyone tried to forgive a cheating spouse and it works out? or am i just going to waste my time, years even, and find out later it will not work. i can imagine from now on, everytime her phone rings at odd hours, everytime she comes back late, i'm going to pounce on her. everytime she does something out of norm, i'll be suspicious. What rules should i set? Should i demand complete access to her phone whenever i want to see it?

if the fiancee had not caught it, i might never have known about it. And thats my greatest fear. That if it happens again in the future, i might be in the dark forever like an idiot.

[Gigabitch]

Do you have kids? If not, throw her out. If so, that complicates things.

[Raze]

It's not going to work out. The trust has been ruined. If you remain together, you will continue to distrust her. It's time to get a divorce.

Edit: When did this happen?

[kitkitkitty]

also, how long have you been married?

[cancankant]

There's another site called Marriage Builders. Some of the techniques are a little extreme, but people have had success using them. The site caters primarily to people who are going through or contemplating divorce and those who are trying to prevent a divorce.

Did she give you any details on where she met this guy and how it started? What was she getting out of the affair other than sex? Are you away from home a lot for work or otherwise engaged in other activities?

One thing they say is that you need to "expose the affair" to everyone. Her friends, your friends, her family, your family --- everyone. It's a blow to your ego, but affairs thrive on secrecy.

One thing you MUST do in order to save your marriage is to have accountability for both of your actions and the time you spend away from each other. How was this able to go on? How did it go on inside your home without you knowing? Those factors need to be taken into account. Did she all of a sudden change her behavior?

[url=http://www.marriagebuilders.com]Marriage Builders - Successful Marriage Advice[/url]

[xxazurexx]

I forgave a cheating husband and because we had a daughter.

And he went on to cheat again......and again.

I forgave, but could never forget.

Thank god the shithouse is gone from my life and is now someone elses problem.

[Raze]

^^ Oh phew! I was scrolling down and just read your first sentence and was like WHAT THE ****?? lol

[Gigabitch]

Marriage Builders also has workshop weekends where you can go and immerse yourselves in their program.

The thing is, is your marriage worth saving?

[xxazurexx]

There's another site called Marriage Builders. Some of the techniques are a little extreme, but people have had success using them. The site caters primarily to people who are going through or contemplating divorce and those who are trying to prevent a divorce.

Did she give you any details on where she met this guy and how it started? What was she getting out of the affair other than sex? Are you away from home a lot for work or otherwise engaged in other activities?

One thing they say is that you need to "expose the affair" to everyone. Her friends, your friends, her family, your family --- everyone. It's a blow to your ego, but affairs thrive on secrecy.

One thing you MUST do in order to save your marriage is to have accountability for both of your actions and the time you spend away from each other. How was this able to go on? How did it go on inside your home without you knowing? Those factors need to be taken into account. Did she all of a sudden change her behavior?

[url=http://www.marriagebuilders.com]Marriage Builders - Successful Marriage Advice[/url]

While I think Marriage Builders is a good site, I wouldn't advise that people with a cheating partner follow some of the advice, which no more than rewards bad behaviour IMO....

You don't reward CHEATERS.

People should have to face consequences for despicable actions - NOT patted on the back.

[cancankant]

Did this actually get physical or were they just texting (sexting) each other? It's unclear.

Yes, I would ask that she allow you access to her phone and email accounts. She should be accountable for where she is going and when she is coming home. No "I'm going to the store to pick up juice" and coming back 4 hours later or anything like that. Start going with her if she's going to the mall or the store, etc. Don't announce when you're going to do it. Just say, "Oh, I need razors (or want to look for a new shirt, etc.) -- I'll come with you." If she has plans with loverboy, they'll be spoiled. She'll also know she can't do that sort of thing because she won't know WHEN you will say you want to come along.

She screwed up, but there are two sides to every story. I think you need to get to the bottom of WHY she cheated.

How does MB "reward" cheaters? Just curious. I've never read a lot of the cheating stuff because I wasn't there for that reason.

I'll admit that some of their techniques are hard because in order for them to work, both spouses should be on board.

[kitkitkitty]

^^ he talks about imagining her having sex with this guy so im pretty sure they did, unfortunately.

[xxazurexx]

I think she was actually screwing him. OP mentions that the text messages revealed planned meetings.

He just wants to hope it hasn't gone to far and that this is just sexual and not emotional.

If there is an emotional attachment, she will find it hard to let go of this other guy.

[Gigabitch]

I think it's usually guys who do the "just sex" thing.

[xxazurexx]

^Yeah I know....but she could have become emotionally involved and most likely is if she's had sex with him a few times.

[Gigabitch]

The whole idea makes me sick. Poor eastwimd.