My wandering hands at night ruining our relationship

[directedition]

I have a serious and embarrassing problem. At night, my hands wander. Specifically, they grope when we spoon. I love my girlfriend and I don't like that my wandering hands make her uncomfortable. It's been even worse now that I realize she doesn't believe it's unconscious. She just tried to break up with me, saying I was treating her like something I own. It took some discussion to realize she was talking about the groping. I tried my best to assure her I don't see her as just a sex object and that I don't want my hands wandering at night. The last thing she said to me was that she needed some time away from me, and I don't know where I stand.

I need help. I HAVE to make it stop. I can't stand the thought that my subconscious might be viewing her a sex object and it's taking over at night, but it's a possibly I have to explore. The simplest solution would be to spoon facing the other direction (which we've done maybe two or three times total) but it's a difficult position for her since I am all of twice her size, and what she likes about spoon is me having my arms around her, making her feel protected.

I don't want to loose her. I love her very much, and this is tearing us both up. What can I do? I want to seek professional help, but I don't know where to turn. A psychiatrist? A sexual therapist? I'm really lost here and really need help.

[anachronistic]

this thread made me laugh.

maybe you just have really good dreams?

why don't you try handcuffing yourself to the bed?

edit: do you ever think that maybe she is making this up for a reason to break up? does she ever smack you or anything in the middle of the night? come on.

[Marissa]

I don't get it. I like being groped in the middle of the night. In fact, I've never heard anyone complain about such a thing. I have to agree with lilwing on this one. I think it's an excuse.

[misombra]

omg i don't think i've ever laughed so intensely at a thread.

find a girl that likes to grope at night too. then you'll know how it feels. lol jk. seriously.

[CAM]

I had a religious girlfriend who was the same way. She'd get all hot and bothered during make out sessions and then would start grinding on me...but, if I even made a reach for a breast under the blouse...all Hell would break loose.

So, one time...I reached for a strategic body part and then pulled back and feigned complete sorrow... I said, "Now why did I do that! I respect you so much and I'm sorry I did that and went too far."

She got dreamy eyed and started kissing me all over and told me how attracted she was at that moment. Then, she decided to lose her virginity.

So, moral of the story: her boundaries are her greatest weakness. But, instead of pushing the boundaries, use a passive approach and the boundaries tumble down, fast and hard.

Good luck

[Marissa]

I had a religious girlfriend who was the same way. She'd get all hot and bothered during make out sessions and then would start grinding on me...but, if I even made a reach for a breast under the blouse...all Hell would break loose.

So, one time...I reached for a strategic body part and then pulled back and feigned complete sorrow... I said, "Now why did I do that! I respect you so much and I'm sorry I did that and went too far."

She got dreamy eyed and started kissing me all over and told me how attracted she was at that moment. Then, she decided to lose her virginity.

So, moral of the story: her boundaries are her greatest weakness. But, instead of pushing the boundaries, use a passive approach and the boundaries tumble down, fast and hard.

Good luck

Bloody brilliant. I wouldn't normally condone that, but damn. That's smart!

[vashti]

I recently read an article about parasomnias which include sexual behavior while sleeping. This wasn't the actual article I read, but it says the same thing. [url]http://news.softpedia.com/news/Sexsomnia-Making-Sex-While-Sleeping-56226.shtml[/url]

If you seriously want to fix this, you might want to call a sleep disorder clinic. Some people actually DO need to sleep at night.

[directedition]

Well, I can assure you my girlfriend isn't angry about some religious issue. She's an atheist, like me. She doesn't drink, like me. And has many difficult to find attributes like those that make her perfect for me. As convenient as it would be to have a girlfriend turned on by sexomnia, the fact is that it is a problem that I've got to resolve somehow. Hand cuffs would certainly do the trick, but it's kind of hard to spoon when handcuffed to the bed post.

[anachronistic]

so let her try to spoon you.

[nyc123]

for some reason this made me think of the sex and the city episode where charlotte sleeps with a guy who unconsciously says "you ****in bitch, you ****in whore" when he orgasms. lol.

[misombra]

i love being treated like a sex object.

[anachronistic]

i love being treated like a sex object.

I will treat you like a sex object, baby.

[jurupa]

i love being treated like a sex object.

Sweet. This gives me so many ideas.

[Mathias]

I had a religious girlfriend who was the same way. She'd get all hot and bothered during make out sessions and then would start grinding on me...but, if I even made a reach for a breast under the blouse...all Hell would break loose.

So, one time...I reached for a strategic body part and then pulled back and feigned complete sorrow... I said, "Now why did I do that! I respect you so much and I'm sorry I did that and went too far."

She got dreamy eyed and started kissing me all over and told me how attracted she was at that moment. Then, she decided to lose her virginity.

So, moral of the story: her boundaries are her greatest weakness. But, instead of pushing the boundaries, use a passive approach and the boundaries tumble down, fast and hard.

Good luck

Dammiit, where were you when I was in high school?

[Gigabitch]

Ahhh, groping. I love the groping. And what's so wrong about treating your girlfriend like a sex object? So long as you sincerely do respect her intelligence and her humanity, I don't see the problem with getting down when it's time for bed.

I honestly don't think this is going to change. You're asleep, for ****'s sake! Maybe she needs to get over it. Does she have body issues, perhaps? Are you groping her tummy and she's feeling fat, maybe? What's the deal?