GF (6 years together) breaks up during abroad studies

[truffelo]

Hi,

First let me tell the whole story

I met this girl more than 6 years ago and was completely in love. I was 19 (had already had a gf for 2,5 year with whom I broke up a few months earlier), she was 17(never had a real bf). I was completely crazy about here and did everything to “conquer” her. After a few weeks we became friends, again some weeks later we were best friends and after 2 months we were a couple. This was the beginning of something fantastic. We were very in love, we could talk about everything, we respected each other, the sum of us 2 was more than just me+her, we never had great problems. We could talk about EVERYTHING.

Our love had some real obstacles (parents who first weren’t enthusiastic but later they were , she studied in another city (100 miles from me), etc) but we never felt that there stood something in our way. We both gave each other a lot of freedom ( I was playing in a professional band, she loved to travel and was mostly 1-2 months abroad). We had the idea that we should do everything we want to do now so we didn’t feel sorry later. Everyone we know, saw us as a fantastic couple, there were even friends who broke up with their partner because they worried that their relation didn’t feel that good as ours.

Now and then there were some small issues but we always solved them in maximum one hour. Our relation was very in balance. She often felt a bit down because of situations in her family, friends etc, but I was always capable to make her feel good again and I enjoyed that. The only thing that mattered (and still matters) is that she’s happy.
Last year she had to make the choice if she was going to study abroad this year and she doubted because she taught she couldn’t handle missing me. I convinced she had to do this because we still would have time enough after those months and I didn’t want her to regret this later. I promised I would visit her at least once a month and so she decided to go from February till June.

The months before she left, I had a difficult period. I lost my dream job and my band (which was my passion) splitted. She was very supportive and I realized that even my problems, I was still lucky to have a GF like that. We planned to move together after her return. The month before she left, she lived at my place and that was FANTASTIC. Best month of our lives. But February came closer and we became very emotional. Before she left, she made a 80 pages book with pictures and texts about our lives together and how happy she was and we had such great experiences and she ended with “ The best has yet to come…”
The day she left, we both were in tears.

The first weeks she did nothing but sending messages, mails, skyping etc. Everytime we skyped she was just looking at me for the whole time and she couldn’t stop laughing because she enjoyed to see me. I visited her after a month and every day before she send me a text “ still x days, x hours,…can’t wait”. I got there in a difficult period: stress with my new job, tired of my new job etc. The first 30 minutes it was a bit strange but after that we had a great weekend. After 3 days I returned, she was dramatic and didn’t want me to leave so we would meet again within the next weeks. The day after she said she was so happy I was there and our love was so special etc.


But the days after, the contact became less intense. I didn’t worry the first days but after 2 weeks I did. I saw she was always on images on her facebook with a guy and she lost her interest in me. She did ask me to start looking for an apartment for when she returned and to book a new flight, but I was getting anxious and our conversations became less loving. By accident I saw she changed her mail and facebook passwords (I wasn’t going to spy her but I was looking for contact information of someone she knows). She was always talking about things she hated when she was here and we got difficulties to have good conversations.

One moment I said I worried and suddenly she said (on skype, while she was doing 500 other things): “Okay, You have to give me more space, I want a break and we’ll see what happens when I return”
She also said she couldn’t enjoy her life there when I was always complaining about life here and she was very curious how it could be with someone else than me. I was shocked but I tried to understand her. Later that evening she said she already missed me so much but she really thought she had to do is for herself and that I had to be sure I lived me life too. She said she know that what we have (had) was too good to give up but she needed time.

Off course I was shocked but I tried to be “understanding”. The day after I talked to her again and she repeated she needed time and she wasn’t sure what she was doing and said she wasn’t in love with someone else. I tried to talk about it but she always answered like “ maybe” and “can’t promise anything” and “ok” etc.
I knew she was very influenced by her friends there and she wasn’t the girl anymore that I used to know.
Off course I send messages about how crazy I was about her but she didn’t replied. A week later she suddenly replied “ I’m thinking about you all the time” . We only had conversations with facebook chat and that was terrible.

Every day I felt the distance growing and I tried to call friends and family. She didn’t liked that and she said she would send me a mail with her thoughts. It was getting very obvious (pictures and messages on facebook) there was something going on with this Italian guy. She denied it but one day she misspoke and she had to admit she had something with that guy. So the distance even got bigger. She said she didn’t know if it was serious and she still didn’t know if we had some future together within the next months,, years etc.

It was terrible. Her facebookprofile was full with pictures and messages between the 2 new lovers. All my friends and family asked me what was happening, everybody was angry on her (except me ). She send me a mail where she said she felt a distance between the two of us and we weren’t on the same level anymore. She said she realized our relation missed something: that she wasn’t in love with me anymore, we weren’t that active as we used to be ( deuuuuuuh, I was in a bad period, was tired of the new work and we were so comfortable at my place, both of us never wanted to go out etc during the last months), that we hadn’t had the same passions, she wasn’t attracted anymore to me etc. She said we had great 6 years but sometimes great things end…

I replied that I wanted to give her space for now but that I would work on myself the next months and I would do anything to get her back in the future. I said it was better to not have contact for a few weeks,months for the both of us. She replied she would understand it but she really wanted to hear me a lot…blablabla.

Now I’m desperate of course for this difficult situation. She doesn’t want me to go there of come over here to talk about it in real person.
We still have small conversations where she always says she’s impressed how mature I react etc. But the only other things she says is how drunk she’s getting there and she never wants to leave there. She also planned an extra month over there.

I know her friends here and parents are worried a lot because they don’t recognize her now and they were all convinced we were a fantastic exceptional couple. But I asked them all to not try to convince her something.

I’m sure I could still make her happy later if she gives me the chance but what the **** do I have to do?
This is so ****ing hard. She was like 50 % of me and now I could use my best friend/soulmate (my gf) the most, she isn’t there for me.

If I could see in her eyes she’s really more happy now, I would ease my pain but I don’t know nothing.
Is there any chance that this we’ll come back together

I know I have a lot of reasons to be mad and a lot of reasons to be jealous but even after a few weeks i am not. I'm just too sad having the idea of a life without her. In a strange way I'm proud and glad for her because she is having all those experiences. But why does she has to hurt me this much.

[smackie9]

"I knew she was very influenced by her friends there and she wasn’t the girl anymore that I used to know".

This is what happenes when you date so young. She is now an adult and ready to experience life. This happens a lot because we all change, the way we think, our priorities, goals and desires going from teenager to adulthood. She has no clue how to do a proper break up in fact this is her first time.

Adjusting to this, without a doubt is always difficult, and will of course take time. The key is to keep busy, stop going on FB to see what they are up to, and try to challenge yourself with new interests. Lots of people take up a sport or go to the gym to exercise the heartache out of themselves.

The quicker you let her go the better. Maybe a few years down the road when she gets it out of her system, it might happen again for you two.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She's in Europe and she wants to have fun, and have sex with other people. She will probably want to come back to you when she returns home and wants something comfortable. You should stop all contact with her and delete her from facebook. Don't say anything to her about it. Just delete her and stop contacting her.

[truffelo]

i Understand

But what i wanted to say with that "influenced by friends":

THose are all people she knows for like 1 or 2 months...

She's in italy, everynight there's a party,
she only has to go to school for 5 hours a week

She's in a world that hasn't got to do anything with the real world. Everyday she meets hundreds of new people and everyone is happy there.
But within 2 or 3 months she has to return here and she has to start looking for a job etc.

Can it be that she just lost contact with her own world?
Is it possible sooner or later she realizes this and starts missing me?

or should i stop hoping that?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Do you not care that she ditched you to go **** a bunch of Italians?

She doesn't like how clingy you are. Drop her and start moving on. She will most certainly get in contact with you when she gets back. You should try to find someone before she returns. First thing is first though, delete her from facebook and stop contacting her or she definitely will not miss you. She knows that your pathetic ass is going to be sitting here waiting for her when she gets back. Remove that comfort from her.

[misombra]

She wants to be free.

[dnna1]

Maybe he is a good man.

[John12]

very nice!

[truffelo]

what's nice about this

[surfhb]

Thats a shitty story bro....sorry

We've all been there so it's not like we don't understand. Feel lucky you weren't married 12 years with a child like I was. Haha : ).

Seriously though, In time I think you'll relize that she has moved forward and you need tO as well. This wasn't your soulmate....I'm sorry. Best part is that person is still out there waiting to meet you

[Bush1]

Maybe he was a good man, his future in for consideration.

[Bella1]

Feel he is very care about you. Very let envy.

[Dry Spell1]

Thanks for your post.

[Anna12]

Yes, I quite agree to your point of view.