Cant Sleep... Thinking to much about this.

[Erica2004]

Ok so almost 2 years ago I was chatting with my friend online cause he is deployed and we were webcamming cause my friend is like a brother to me who I havent seen in a long time. Well he was working while webcamming me and everyone was walking behind him and this guy omg who was so goodlooking was standing behind him and this guy kept asking who I was. So my friend told him. Well this guy ended up asking my friend for my number and my friend gave it to him and we talked for like 3 hours he kept asking questions about me. Well than he had to go and we ended up emailing each other as much as we could. Well after a while of emailing we lost contact with each other for about 7 months due to our schedules. One day out of the blue he calls me from iraq and just apologizes for being busy and says that he misses talking to me. Well during that time he was awaiting a plane to go back to germany when he was in germany called me 10 times a month and ended up costing him a crap load of money due to international calling. lol. I offered to help him with the phone bill but he said he got it and I dont need to pay for it cause I didnt make him call me.. lol. Well anyway, he came home to visit his daughter and he lives 6 hours from me. We were supposed to meet up but he had a death in the family. Which I totoally understand. But anyway, we just continued to talk as much as we could. Now it got to the point where he calls me every night just to tell me good night or good morning. He is now in Hawaii. He tells me all the time that he cares about me and really likes me. Also i changed my relationship status to in a relationship on myspace due to random people adding me and within 3 hours of changing it i get a text asking me if im really in a relationship and if i need him to leave me alone. im like no im not im still single and stuff.So when he told me that I got on the conversation about if we feel the same way why cant we consider ourselves a couple. He said that he really cares about me and wants to be with me but he cant due to the long distance relationship. He said that when he was with his daughters mom they apparently were together a very long time and when she had there daughter this woman couldnt apparently be faithful to him anymore and basically just started whoring around. I dont know if that's what causing him to not be with me or not. I just dont know what else I need or can do. Should I give it time and wait for him?? I dont know. I feel in my heart that we are meant to be. But it's all on him that says that long distance relationships dont work for him cause he is the one that always gets hurt. I know for a fact that Im not a player Im very faithful. I work full time and am a full time mom no breaks at all. I dont even have time to go out.

So anyone who is reading this.. If you have any advice if I should give him time or forget about him. Please help!

[vashti]

Forget about him, my friend. He's telling you plainly as he can that he isn't available to you, so there really isn't anything more that can be done. If I were you, I would stop all contact if you can't resign yourself to nothing more than friends.

[Doc Durian]

Get to know him in person, keep him at arms length until you make a decision on real data.

His facial expressions, his speech, his eyes... his overall presence.

He may be into you, or he maybe into 6 others just like you.

You need to investigate further.

[Erica2004]

I have investigated everything i can. I got a bachelors in criminal justice. The thing is I dont contact him at all. He is the one that contacts me all the time. He just now called me and asked me if I had plans for labor day and wants me to come to hawaii to see him. This stuff is so confusing to me. If he didnt really want to be with me why would he be so concerned about me changing my relationship status on myspace and facebook?? Or why would he call me or text me all the time. Apparently I am the only girl that he calls and has called from germany and iraq besides his family and daughter. And the only people he hangs out with in hawaii are two guys who are married.

[Doc Durian]

I have investigated everything i can. I got a bachelors in criminal justice. The thing is I dont contact him at all. He is the one that contacts me all the time. He just now called me and asked me if I had plans for labor day and wants me to come to hawaii to see him. This stuff is so confusing to me. If he didnt really want to be with me why would he be so concerned about me changing my relationship status on myspace and facebook?? Or why would he call me or text me all the time. Apparently I am the only girl that he calls and has called from germany and iraq besides his family and daughter. And the only people he hangs out with in hawaii are two guys who are married.

You're making his case for him...

How objective is that?

I know two naive girls being played at this very moment by a pair (separately) who are trying to secure residence and/or financial gain by wooing them. One has succeeded and married her in civil service in a faux ceremony not weeks ago.

These two instances are not the first time I've witnessed similar acts, and I'm always amazed by the ingenuity (never the outcome).

I don't have a CJ degree and I'm sure he doesn't either... he appears smooth enough to set up the dominoes.

He may well like you, but he knows jack shit about you nor you him.

What's to say you're not just one chicken nugget in a McDonalds six or nine pack?

You owe it to yourself to remain guarded until real contact.

[Erica2004]

lol Hey my heart has been played with by so many people. That I do investigate things like this to make sure Im not talking to a married guy or a gay guy or anything really. Just dont wan tto fall for a guy who I cant fall in love with and get my heart shattered. I dont think I can take another heartbreak at this moment. I do have a guarded heart as well. Ok i am gonna be very careful with this. Im taking your advice very clearly and Im gonna follow it and see what's to come. Thank you for helping me.

[Kaius]

erica just be careful since you both have kids. I am in a very serious relationship with a woman right now, and we are being very careful because we each have 2 small kids.
i know it's easy to fall in love with such a nice good looking person. believe me i know. but you gotta be extra careful if you dont really know the person in real life....as in physical person.
Take your time and get to know him. People dont put up acts for a very long time.

[Erica2004]

Yeah i am being careful and I think he is too. Yes I agree its very easy to FEEL like im falling in love. But talking for almost 2 years is alot. And I just only can hope that he does care and not playin me for a fool. You know most of our conversations are about our kids. But I think im just at the point where Im ready to just meet him and get it over with and see if there is an attraction or if not. Thank you as well for your advice. Taking this all to heart.

[xxazurexx]

He's telling you plainly as he can that he isn't available to you, so there really isn't anything more that can be done.

I agree with this.

He knows you want more, would like more, but he's let you know where you stand and telling you plainly and simply, that he is NOT looking for a relationship, least not while he is long distance.

Least not while 'long distance' keeps you hanging around and living in the hopes that he is going to want more and one day. That is EXACTLY what he wants you to think and because it keeps you dangling on a string, hanging on in there and hoping he's gonna have a change of heart.
Hanging on in there and most likely to have sex with him, were he to come calling/or you go there......and that is the crux of it all.
This is how guys secure sex a lot of the time. They keep the woman hanging on with talk, keep the woman around living in hopes....meantime he gets all the benefits of a relationship and without having to committ.

Please don't fool yourself into thinking this all means more. I was in a similar situation. He'd call all the time too and not just ten times a month, but ten times a day!!! My situation went on for 2 years too and progressed no farther forward than the day we met. I had the sense to end it.

I think if you were wise you would let this guy know that you are looking for more than he can give, say thanks but no thanks and part the ways. I think if you did, you are gonna save yourself a lot of hurt.

[vashti]

All of this computer contact is giving you a false sense of intimacy, and xxazurexx is very likely right: he is keeping you on the hook without having to commit (while probably having his physical needs attended to elsewhere). You are already too heavily invested in this e-romance. I don't see this ending well for you.

[Erica2004]

Thank you for all your advice. It means alot just hope I can move on even though its gonna be hard. Your advices really have made me think about things and have helped me. Yes it may hurt getting blunt answers but at least someone isnt giving me the run around. Thanks you all for your advice and if you have more advice please feel free to announce it.