How to ask a girl to be my girlfriend?

[Willy Wonka]

Hi,

My name is Alex and I am from California I am 14 years old and going into High School. Recently, three of my friends have came up to me and told me that this girl likes me. I've been good friends with this girl for about 5 years now, and she is also my neighbor. I've had a crush on her for a long time. I want her to be my girlfriend but I don't know how to ask. At my age kids don't really go out on two person dates, they go with a group. I also don't know how I can pull her aside to ask her (when I do think of how), or whether or not I should do it with instant messenger. Saying "Will you be my girlfriend" sounds corny and greedy, and "Do you want to go out together" doesn't make sense because we all go out in groups. Please give me questions and phrases I can use so that this girl will be my girlfriend. Thanks.

~Alex

[TAVS]

No idea, back when I was 14, girls had cooties.

[whaywardj]

"I'd like us to spend some time together sometime soon."

"Wanna go to a movie with me tomorrow?"

Like that. Again and again.

Look at it this way. All things considered, people get together for only two reasons: Because they want to spend time with each other, or because they want to experience the same thing. Take a football game. It doesn't much matter who goes to the game with you. You're going for the game. The event. The thing. If this friend doesn't want to go with you, you invite another one. WHO isn't important. WHAT is.

On the other hand, when the WHO is important, the thing doesn't matter. You want to be in the company of THAT person, whatever the thing is...a game, a movie, a walk in the park. Whatever.

Since you're going out in groups a lot, you need to arrange to invite that special WHO to WHATEVER the group is doing. You don't have to SAY much at all about how special you feel about her. That you keep inviting her and that she keeps showing up (AND vice versa), is all you need to get your message sent and to read her replies. Pretty soon, if she feels the same about you, the THINGS will start narrowing down to what you and she like together; your group and her group will start noticing your absences from the usual events; and the cat will be out of the bag for everyone: Hey! They're going out together! Wow.

Then comes the matter of dealing with everyone around the both of you having their opinions about it. But that's another story.

Good luck.

[bohemiandonut]

"I'd like us to spend some time together sometime soon."

"Wanna go to a movie with me tomorrow?"

Like that. Again and again.

Look at it this way. All things considered, people get together for only two reasons: Because they want to spend time with each other, or because they want to experience the same thing. Take a football game. It doesn't much matter who goes to the game with you. You're going for the game. The event. The thing. If this friend doesn't want to go with you, you invite another one. WHO isn't important. WHAT is.

On the other hand, when the WHO is important, the thing doesn't matter. You want to be in the company of THAT person, whatever the thing is...a game, a movie, a walk in the park. Whatever.

Since you're going out in groups a lot, you need to arrange to invite that special WHO to WHATEVER the group is doing. You don't have to SAY much at all about how special you feel about her. That you keep inviting her and that she keeps showing up (AND vice versa), is all you need to get your message sent and to read her replies. Pretty soon, if she feels the same about you, the THINGS will start narrowing down to what you and she like together; your group and her group will start noticing your absences from the usual events; and the cat will be out of the bag for everyone: Hey! They're going out together! Wow.

Then comes the matter of dealing with everyone around the both of you having their opinions about it. But that's another story.

Good luck.

Very, very good advice and insight!

Kudos, amigo, kudos.

[whaywardj]

Thx, Donut. It's all in the wrist. ;-)

[Willy Wonka]

Thx, Donut. It's all in the wrist. ;-)

Thanks whaywardj. But is there a way we can go out in a group and call eachother boyfriend and girlfriend. We're both not allowed to go on dates alone.

[whaywardj]

Hm. I'm not sure I know what you're asking. But how about some ground rules first?

You know ya gotta BOTH agree with each other to be b/f and g/f BEFORE you go around referring to each other that way, right? From your first post, it looks like you haven't got that far yet. From what I can gather, you haven't even told her yet you wanna be her b/f, so I'd guess you have no idea if she even wants to be your g/f. Gotta get that part straight, first.

What are your thoughts on how you're going to do that?

[Willy Wonka]

Hm. I'm not sure I know what you're asking. But how about some ground rules first?

You know ya gotta BOTH agree with each other to be b/f and g/f BEFORE you go around referring to each other that way, right? From your first post, it looks like you haven't got that far yet. From what I can gather, you haven't even told her yet you wanna be her b/f, so I'd guess you have no idea if she even wants to be your g/f. Gotta get that part straight, first.

What are your thoughts on how you're going to do that?

Yo i know she wants to go out with me, i just need ways to ask her to be my girlfriend

[whaywardj]

Well, wanting to "go out" with you doesn't necessarily mean she also wants to be your g/f. What else makes you think she might want to be?

And: If neither of you are allowed to go out on dates alone, what do you mean by "go out with you"? You mean, like, if you're in a group, everybody knows you're together? Like that?

[Willy Wonka]

Well, wanting to "go out" with you doesn't necessarily mean she also wants to be your g/f. What else makes you think she might want to be?

And: If neither of you are allowed to go out on dates alone, what do you mean by "go out with you"? You mean, like, if you're in a group, everybody knows you're together? Like that?

Hey,
You have the 2nd part right. With the first part, i know she wants to go out with me and be my girlfriend.

[whaywardj]

I'm still not sure I'm clear about your situation, but it SOUNDS like what you're trying to do is figure out a way to get a message back to her that you like her, too.

And you guys are trying to express these feelings to each other when you're not allowed to go on dates alone and, when you are together, are always in a group. That about right?

If that's so, then you got a couple of ways of doing it. The most obvious is to use your network of friends to send a message to her the same way you got hers. Tell the friends who told you she liked you, to tell the people who told them, to tell her you like her too. Got that? Just send your message to her the same way you got yours. Be careful, though. When a message passes through so many hands, it tends to get garbled. She may never have said anything of the sort. Whoever said that to your friends, and your friends themselves, could have misunderstood her. (Or they could be playing a prank on you!) An advantage of this is that the information will spread and everybody will know you're together.

Which brings you to the direct, and most reliable method. Approaching the matter with her in a group. VERY easy. The next time you're in a group together, just ask her aside. Tell her you'd like to say something to her in private. Then, once you have your moment of privacy, if it were me, I'd say something along the lines of, "I heard something that makes me think I'd like to spend more time with you." When she says something like, "Oh? What was was that?" I'd say, "Well, I heard that you'd like to spend more time with me." Then don't say anything else. She'll either tell you, yes, it's true, she would; or she'll deny it and you can excuse yourself, saying there must have been a misunderstanding. If she goes of on something like how'd you hear that, who said that, or what not, don't answer it. Just ask her if it's so. Would she like to spend with you? Then take it from there.

There's another approach you may not like so much, but it could be the best approach, by far. Tell your parents about it all and ask them if they'd agree to taking you and her on chaperoned dates together, if her parents were to agree to it. You're neighbors, after all, aren't you? That way, you and her COULD really be together out of a crowd. Yeah, some parent might sitting at a table across the room in a restaurant; or in a seat behind you at the movies, but you guys would be spending time 'alone' together. Another advantage of this approach is that both sets of parents would have a lot of respect for you if you did it this way. Who cares what your buddies might think? It's her you're trying to be with. Not them.

One IMPORTANT thing to remember in all of this: Just because she's YOUR g/f, and you're HER b/f DOESN'T mean either of you own the other, as if she's YOUR property, or you're hers. You're each still separate people who are together only because you BOTH WANT to be. Neither of you can tell the other what they should or should not do. All you can do is tell each other how you each feel about what one or the other of you may be doing. And, of course, you can certainly make promises to each other. That's part of the fun of having a g/f. To be able to make her a promise.

Hope that helped a little.

[fear_21]

i think u dont need to ask her anything, just show her u like her, she will notice it and then all just happends by itself...dont think she is gonna ask you...ur the hunter, shes the victim

[whaywardj]

ur the hunter, shes the victim

You should do some serious re-thinking on that remark.

[Junket]

ur the hunter, shes the victim

You remind of the "girls actually like rape" kind of psychos.

[Tone]

I'd say something along the lines of, "I heard something that makes me think I'd like to spend more time with you." When she says something like, "Oh? What was was that?" I'd say, "Well, I heard that you'd like to spend more time with me." Then don't say anything else.

haha hey that's very very smooth there, Hayward. The only thing I would add is to give her a big smile after it!

I actually think I'm gonna try that on this girl at work. >:)

Thanks!