International online relationship. Help please : (

[jcut4578]

Ok...It started when i was on chatroulette, for those who don't know it is a webcam site where you talk to other people from around the world. I started talking to a girl from Argentina, we talked for about an hour, exchanged skype addresses and went on our way. We started talking more often and eventually everyday. Im 22 and from new jersey by the way and she is 18 from buenos aires argentina. I don't know how it happened because we have never actually met in person but we are now extremely in love. Not just a little. We talk everyday. She is all I think about. At points we will just stare at each other wishing we were together. The huge obvious problem here is that we are both love sick. I am in school full time with two jobs, i cant afford to take time off to visit her and she cannot either. I have never written on a forum before and the only reason i am doing it is because i am going crazy and don't know what to do. I feel like i am in prison and freedom is just on the other side of the wall but i cant get to it. I know this may sound crazy but can someone please tell me what to do cause I am out of ideas.

[surfhb]

Ok...It started when i was on chatroulette, for those who don't know it is a webcam site where you talk to other people from around the world. I started talking to a girl from Argentina, we talked for about an hour, exchanged skype addresses and went on our way. We started talking more often and eventually everyday. Im 22 and from new jersey by the way and she is 18 from buenos aires argentina. I don't know how it happened because we have never actually met in person but we are now extremely in love. Not just a little. We talk everyday. She is all I think about. At points we will just stare at each other wishing we were together. The huge obvious problem here is that we are both love sick. I am in school full time with two jobs, i cant afford to take time off to visit her and she cannot either. I have never written on a forum before and the only reason i am doing it is because i am going crazy and don't know what to do. I feel like i am in prison and freedom is just on the other side of the wall but i cant get to it. I know this may sound crazy but can someone please tell me what to do cause I am out of ideas.

I hate to pop your bubble but love is much much more than talking to someone over a computer monitor. Youre only 22, so its not like you both have any real world responsibilities like kids or a mortgage. Flights to Argentina are $800 right now. Save and go meet this girl....you have time so have fun NOW. When yourE working FT and paying for mortgages and rent, it really wont be easy.

I mean, i hate to sound like your Dad but you'll probably look back at this post in 3 years and laugh. I wish i was 22 again

[jcut4578]

Im aware of what love is, i have been in relationships and experienced love. This isn't a question of whether or not we are in love...we both know we are, its what to do about it. And i guess rent/food/cell phone/car payment/college tuition and clothing aren't real world responsibilities. Thank you for pointing out that my situation is silly. And there are no flights under $1100, which i cannot afford on my salary. Thanks for trying to help but it kind of just made me angry lol. Im sorry im just frustrated.

[thiudiskr]

It's still kind of taboo to date someone you met on the internet, especially if you didn't meet on a dating site. But that doesn't matter. My advice is going to frustrate you, guy.

This isn't going to work out because of a few reasons:
1, you're both too young to know how to make a relationship like this work (you won't figure it out on a forum)
2, all you know about each other is from time you spent oggling at each other through pixelated webcam transmissions (there is a possibility that you are not compatible)
3, you don't have the means to make it work anyway; you (plural) don't have enough time or money for this. This is the bottom line.

To put my case in point, here's a general idea of what your relationship would be like if you went through with it anyway.

Long period(s) of time before you actually see each other (maybe months, maybe years)
One of you (most likely you) making a sacrifice to get an expensive plane ticket (or several plane tickets) and meet each other for the first time.
Assuming you would reside in the USA, you would have to get married; that means petition for a marriage visa, which is a long, miserable, and expensive process that you are not really eligible for at this point without steady income.
She would have to expatriate and leave family and friends behind to be with you, which is a difficult sacrifice to make. And they probably wouldn't be able attend your wedding, which would be a very upsetting factor for her.
You would have to support her for a period of time until she is eligible to work in the USA (there is an immigration fee for this).
You would have to maintain an income above a poverty line chosen by the USCIS for a period of time to prove that you (pl.) would not have to go on welfare.
She would not become a lawful permanent resident until years after you are married, and even then, the USCIS would still breathe down your neck.

My advice, and I know you're going to hate this, is to apologize, tell her that it just isn't going to work out because of the circumstances. I know a couple people who have had a successful experience like this, but it was because they were committed, they were older, and they had time and money to invest. They had also met each other in person, and not online, but I don't think that always matters.

[surfhb]

Im aware of what love is, i have been in relationships and experienced love. This isn't a question of whether or not we are in love...we both know we are, its what to do about it. And i guess rent/food/cell phone/car payment/college tuition and clothing aren't real world responsibilities. Thank you for pointing out that my situation is silly. And there are no flights under $1100, which i cannot afford on my salary. Thanks for trying to help but it kind of just made me angry lol. Im sorry im just frustrated.

I

Then go Fuuck yourself! You asked for advice and I gave it to you. I didn't say you weren't responsible, I merely advised you to do the fun stuff now when youre in your early 20s.

Definitely showing the Immaturity level in this thread buddy...especially someone who thinks love can happened through a computer monitor.. Hilarious! ** Hand Slapping forehead **

[pisces25]

OP,

It is difficult but not impossible. I am in an international relationship and it is hard at times but if the love is there it is a worthwhile journey. My only advice is to meet ASAP. Even if you have to sell your car and make do with public transport for a while or get a 2nd job or something. It is very important to see if what is happening on the net is translating in real life. Sometimes we want things in life but aren't willing to change our lifestyle to get them. If she is important to you, you will come up with the money. After that meeting, you can then start thinking about the future together.

[Boisdevie]

It is not going to work. Accept this and move on. My GF lives 90 minutes away and sometimes that's hard enough. Live for today and not for some mythical everyone lives happily ever Disney type future. Life is way too short to waste any of it and when you're dead you're dead an awfully long time.

[jcut4578]

when you're dead you're dead an awfully long time.

Haha, To me what your saying makes the most sense, and i wish it was that easy to just forget about her and move on. But life IS way too short and I feel like situations like this is what living is for right? I just don't know

[miffy]

I don't see any reasons not to try it. Others have said you're too young or too inexperienced, you both won't be able to make it happen. So what, even if it doesn't work out, this is how you learn, and there could be plenty of wonderful experiences waiting there. You take the risks, as long as you're aware of them. You are. Your priorities are sound, no reason not to save up a bit and visit her or have her come over. At the very least you can enjoy the time together, even if nothing lasting comes out of it. Dunno why so many people here are always incredibly pessimistic. Realism is fine, but you can't negate the emotion involved, and sometimes you just need to act on it to learn what to do for yourself.

[jcut4578]

It's still kind of taboo to date someone you met on the internet, especially if you didn't meet on a dating site. But that doesn't matter. My advice is going to frustrate you, guy.

This isn't going to work out because of a few reasons:
1, you're both too young to know how to make a relationship like this work (you won't figure it out on a forum)
2, all you know about each other is from time you spent oggling at each other through pixelated webcam transmissions (there is a possibility that you are not compatible)
3, you don't have the means to make it work anyway; you (plural) don't have enough time or money for this. This is the bottom line.

To put my case in point, here's a general idea of what your relationship would be like if you went through with it anyway.

Long period(s) of time before you actually see each other (maybe months, maybe years)
One of you (most likely you) making a sacrifice to get an expensive plane ticket (or several plane tickets) and meet each other for the first time.
Assuming you would reside in the USA, you would have to get married; that means petition for a marriage visa, which is a long, miserable, and expensive process that you are not really eligible for at this point without steady income.
She would have to expatriate and leave family and friends behind to be with you, which is a difficult sacrifice to make. And they probably wouldn't be able attend your wedding, which would be a very upsetting factor for her.
You would have to support her for a period of time until she is eligible to work in the USA (there is an immigration fee for this).
You would have to maintain an income above a poverty line chosen by the USCIS for a period of time to prove that you (pl.) would not have to go on welfare.
She would not become a lawful permanent resident until years after you are married, and even then, the USCIS would still breathe down your neck.

My advice, and I know you're going to hate this, is to apologize, tell her that it just isn't going to work out because of the circumstances. I know a couple people who have had a successful experience like this, but it was because they were committed, they were older, and they had time and money to invest. They had also met each other in person, and not online, but I don't think that always matters.

See yours didn't frustrate me because you speak logically and factual lol. And she would not be coming here ever lol I would not make her move from her family, and I REALLY wouldn't mind living in buenos aires, and no thoughts of marriage we are still young. So that just leaves the money issue and if we are compatible, which i really do feel like we are, so im pretty much trying to make the decision to gamble or not. And why not do it while Im young, because i know if I dont i will always be wondering what if you know?

[miffy]

Whoa there sonny...talking about meeting up and spending some nice quality time is one thing, talking about moving without even having MET is another. Cool your horses down, and think things through.

[jcut4578]

I don't see any reasons not to try it. Others have said you're too young or too inexperienced, you both won't be able to make it happen. So what, even if it doesn't work out, this is how you learn, and there could be plenty of wonderful experiences waiting there. You take the risks, as long as you're aware of them. You are. Your priorities are sound, no reason not to save up a bit and visit her or have her come over. At the very least you can enjoy the time together, even if nothing lasting comes out of it. Dunno why so many people here are always incredibly pessimistic. Realism is fine, but you can't negate the emotion involved, and sometimes you just need to act on it to learn what to do for yourself.

EXACTLY...thank you

[jcut4578]

Whoa there sonny...talking about meeting up and spending some nice quality time is one thing, talking about moving without even having MET is another. Cool your horses down, and think things through.

Yea I understand, he was talking about living together and i was just pointing out that argentina isnt the worst place to be lol

[thiudiskr]

See yours didn't frustrate me because you speak logically and factual lol. And she would not be coming here ever lol I would not make her move from her family, and I REALLY wouldn't mind living in buenos aires, and no thoughts of marriage we are still young. So that just leaves the money issue and if we are compatible, which i really do feel like we are, so im pretty much trying to make the decision to gamble or not. And why not do it while Im young, because i know if I dont i will always be wondering what if you know?

Yep! Many decisions you will make will either end in hindsight curiosity or regret.

[MaidenMinx]

Dude, online relationships can work, I have seen many truths of this. I've also seen people get themselves in debt to go overseas to visit their love only to have things blow up in their face with thousands of dollars wasted.

No one can determine whether our not she's worth it other than you.