Really need advice on how to save this relationship

[Summer123]

So I have been with my bf for about 4 years. I've always thought we have the perfect relationship..we would get along great..we'd go out with our friends together, we rarely fight. We both love our dogs soo much and treat them like our kids. We don't live together but we live really close and we'll sleep at each other's houses here and there. But we are both young...We are both 21. Currently I am unemployed ..I am looking for a job and also focusing on going back to school for what I'd love to do. He is working at a restaurant/bar-has been there for about a year and this is where the problems started. His hours are really really late...his bar usually closes bet. 12-3 a.m. but there have been times that he stayed to drink afterwards with his coworkers or gone to another bar and that is what bothers me. One time he got home at 6 a.m. I also get highly upset if he does not call me because we have this thing where we have to call one another for courtesy, just to let each other know we are home and safe. Well he doesn't have a cell so he forgets and we fight. I feel like I am smothering him. I feel like such an idiot! Lately he's ALWAYS working, we barely spend time together and this is taking a toll on us. I want to see him more and he goes 'I can't be with you 24/7' Well i know that but at least i'd like to see him more than i do now because before we'd hang out so much. I know that these are changes that happen in relationships but it's bugging me. I don't know how to cope with it. I'm always the one getting mad at him for staying out, for not calling, for working all the time. We've been fighting a lot lately cause of this. I got fed up and said maybe we should break up but he said he does not want to break up and that he loves me. I don't know what to do. I don't want him to get fed up with me and break up with me later on. If it happens it happens but it will basically ruin me. He's my best friend and basically my first real boyfriend. Please help..I want to change..what can i do so that he doesn't feel like i'm controlling him or smothering him

[Gigabitch]

I think he's willing to continue to drift apart until he feels comfortable enough to break up. I think that's pretty shabby. I think he should commit one way or the other. If you have a girlfriend, you don't stay out until 6 and leave her hanging, waiting for a a call.

He needs to make up his mind, because he's trying to have it both ways and that doesn't work.

[PrettyPerson]

You need to understand that he's 21 and working in the restaurant/bar industry. All night long you make people have fun, by the time you get off, you'd like a little fun yourself. The hospitality industry is just like that. Since he's only 21, this shouldn't suprise you in the least.

In my opinion, having worked in that industry for over ten years - you only need to make him miss his time with you. And, if it can be done you would be better off trying to go out WITH him rather than trying to keep him from going out.

Make yourself scarce, it's the hardest thing to do, but if you keep nagging he'll push you away anyhow. Better to make him gravitate TOWARDS you because he misses you than to gravitate away from you because you're smothering him.

He needs a taste of his own medicine, get involved in YOUR life, disappear for a bit.

[Summer123]

k thanks...i will and have been trying to do that thus far. Lets see if that works a bit

[Di741111]

I can understand how does your bf feel, because my bf used to smother me, like checking my emails, text messages, even facebook. but after a couple of fights, he realized it's wrong, so he started letting those stuff go, just trust me. I think you should just trust him, don't fight over little things. Let him know that you don't mean to control him or anything, you just worry about him sometimes. Theres nothing wrong for you to want to spend more time with him. I'm sure he'll understand you because he love you. Another important thing is, whenever something happens, just talk with him, don't ever start a fight, or start raising your voice. Communication is the KEY!! Good Luck^^