She was everything I thought she wasn't

[R.T]

I'm 17 years old, and just a month and a half ago my now ex girlfriend had left me. She was 14, I know, that's problematic but the least of my worries anymore...

Without sounding conceited, I want it to be known that I had treated her like gold throughout the entirety of the relationship, and sadly, any and all arguments were caused by her. A common argument was over the fact that she told me that she actually could not show me respect, or take my feelings into consideration. That should have been my first clue. I met her in high school, and we got talking and I eventually pulled her out of a life of drugs and other abuse. During this time we fell for each other, and even now I have to thank her for making me feel love, it was amazing. We lost our virginity to one another, and became very close. Until late June...
We began arguing more as she kept treating me with disrespect and attitude, so I forced us onto a break. She wasn't a fan of the idea, and soon came back apologizing saying she needed me. I was in love, naturally I took her back with open arms. Yet the arguing would continue, and got much worse after I told her I was switching schools. Later I found out she did drugs again. I was dumbfounded, I felt like I failed her. Then I find out her and another guy have been flirting, and she's starting to like him. this is where it starts to hurt.

She ends it. at first there's no real explanation for why, but there is later. She ends it saying that she'll come back when she's ready for a serious relationship. When she's able to respect me and all the good I do for her. I confront her, do everything I can to get her back, and July she agrees to stay off drugs for a week (that's all I asked) to see if she could do it. She did, but something wasn't right. We get into another huge argument, and the truth comes out. I find out that drugs, and this other guy were the reason she left. Not the above. All she could think about in that week was getting high. She told me in her exact words that she left to be "Young and Stupid". This crushed me and I snapped, cried for days, punched walls, I had no idea what happened. what to believe. But she couldn't leave it at that. she once again told me that she would be back for me, that she loved me. I told her I couldn't believe a word she said to me anymore, and told her not to bother. July 23rd I went on vacation. When I came back I checked my phone and there was a text form her saying that had a feeling she'd be back in time. That she made a board of all the most important things to her, and a stuffed monkey that she had given to me, that I gave back, was the first to go on it. I texted her to no reply. a few days later, my friend and I were hanging out, and from him I learned she had been talking about me behind my back, and that she has a new boyfriend in her life, as though I was nothing but just "another guy". I broke down yet again and confronted her. The confrontation left me with little hope, only receiving attitude from her, and when I asked her to please stop talking about me behind my back, that I never did anything like that to her, all I got was a simple "Whatever" and then she left. That was the last I've heard of her. I don't feel as hurt anymore, just slightly depressed. more so then slightly I'd say. My friends all warned me about her, that she was like this, that she played other guys, used them. I just want to get past her, I want to be able to hear her name or see her face without getting that immense drop feeling in my stomach and heart. Please help, I don't know what to think about all this. I do know that everything was her fault though. That much I gathered. But my self esteem has been crushed along with my heart. What can I do to get past her? To accept the fact that she let her life go to drugs and guy who will just use her, and let me go. Any advice or, anything really would be appreciated. I'm desperate, and I feel pathetic dwelling over this for so long.

Thank you,

R.T

[Vanessa]

You're only 17 and have your whole life ahead of you. It wasn't working, she sounds like an immature twat but then again she is 14 [wtf drugs at 14?], it wouldn't have lasted and it doesn't sound like much of a relationship anyway. I guess it's normal that you're not over it yet given that she was your first, but there are many more girls to come into your life.

To accept the fact that she let her life go to drugs and guy who will just use her, and let me go

Yes, that's exactly what you should do. Her decisions are her problems and not your responsibility.

I'll assume her parents don't know about the drugs?

[HeartIsAching]

Yeah...

In your 20's or 30's, a 3 year age gap is nothing. In your mid-teens, it's not nothing. It's kind of creepy.

You need to quit trying to control her outcome. Let her go, find a girl close to your own age.

[R.T]

"I'll assume her parents don't know about the drugs?" No, they have no idea. She hates her parents, and defies them however possible.

And yes I know where your coming from HeartIsaching, I made a promise to myself after this that I wouldn't go for any girl so much younger again. I have my regrets.

[smackie9]

In Canada he is not breaking any laws. He is well within the range of consent for that age.

[HeartIsAching]

In Canada he is not breaking any laws. He is well within the range of consent for that age.

In many of the states in the U.S., he wasn't breaking any laws either... doesn't make it less creepy.

[maxmax]

I blame Canada

[smackie9]

Anywho, she is just a child and will act like one. She is way too young to be in adult relationships, or understand the consequences of her actions. Her parents are responsible for her and to deal with her drug use, etc....that is not up to you to worry about.

You need to remove yourself from this go nowhere, loser crowd if you want to make it in life. You are not that far away from being an adult and having to be responsible for yourself. You need to grow up.

[Andariel]

You need to focus on yourself and accept this is over. This is probably for the best. You cannot and should not be responsible for her actions. You cannot help her if she doesn't want to help herself.Until she hits rock bottom and realises that drugs are ruining her life and decides that she no longer wants to live her life this way, there is nothing you or anyone else can do for her. Her behaviour at the moment is directly related to her drug use.The most wonderful person, can turn into a vicious, spiteful, self-centered prick when addicted to drugs. She might have been great when she was clean but that is not the case anymore.This is not going to change through her half-hearted efforts at sobriety.

You need to remove yourself from this situation.No good can come out of it for you. It would be useful for you to search within yourself and try to figure out what attracted you to a drug addicted girl in the first place-why did you feel the need to be with someone who you though you needed to fix/help?Are there any deeper issues that you need to address yourself so that you don't make the same mistakes in the future? You say that breaking up was completely her fault but you need to acknowledge that you also played a part in this by making the decision to get involved with a girl who was addicted to drugs and was obviously not in a place to be in a relationship with anyone.