Dating And Calling Girls Question

[lovinlife1980]

I always wondered why when I'm dating a girl that I always have to be the one to call her every time?? I mean I understand the man is the aggressor but shouldn't she show some initiative in calling me just to say hi from time to time? It kinda helps me stay reminded that she wants me to be with her still because sometimes I wont call a girl for a while and she'll say things like" Why havent you called?" And im thinking maybe she could call me instead since i did the past 20 times. It doesnt have to be equal or anything but i dont want to keep trying to date her if she doesnt want to anymore and when she doesnt call me then I tend to think "Well, i guess she isnt all that into me" Any advice from the ladies would be cool. Thanks

[Gigabitch]

Are you dating exclusively? That, for me, would be the turning point at which the calling would begin to be mutual. I wouldn't just call up a guy I was casually dating, but I would call my boyfriend quite often.

[vashti]

I agree with Giga. I can't believe you are dating girls that won't EVER call you unless you are only dating casually. Most girls like to talk on the phone, and their boyfriends can't get them off.

Another possibility - are you dating girls from a "small pool"? It could be a cultural thing if you are dating religious girls or girls from another culture.

[lovinlife1980]

I was referring to casual dating girls except for this one girl named Laura. We were in a relationship and we were boyfriend/girlfriend and going steady. And she would only call me back if I called her. But as for the other girls that i was just "talking" to and not going steady with before her it was the same situation. I didnt want to call all the time as i am not clingy but i didnt want to go a week or 2 without talking. I figured they could call to say hi just as well atleast sometimes. Am I dating religous girls someone asked? Laura,whom I dated steady, was a christian but I dont limit myself to that kinda thing. I am open to everybody. I just saw a pattern from all types of girls and it made me wonder about what was going on. Thanks for the advice by the way!

[vashti]

Eh, I have to admit, over my lifetime, I can't remember ever calling the guy if we were only dating casually unless I missed his call. I was always pretty traditional in my dating practices.

Maybe you should try dating girls that are less traditional??

[lovinlife1980]

I didnt think all these girls were so traditional i guess! LOL But i must say I have noticed the girls that did go to church and spoke of God alot did seem to not care as much about putting effort into a relationship and just were more like "whatever happens happens". Thats fine and all but i think even then people should go out of their way and take some initiative if they are interested in someone. Its the little things that get me. I know alot of guys probably wont admit that but I know i like things other than just sex. In fact, I'd prefer the sweet hand holding and calls and all that over sex any day. Sex is good but if its your foundation its going to fall apart fast. I mean a person could get sex anywhere if thats what you want but im talking about having something meaningful here!

[vashti]

I doubt this is about not caring to put forth effort so much as they are raised to value traditional gender roles. It isn't about sex, I don't think...

Anyway, you are mainly talking about one girlfriend and a few girls you have dated, right? I think you will find things to be different with actual girlfriends when you gain more experience.

[lovinlife1980]

So what do you think about girls that im just friends with? Do you ladies usually call your guy friends to say hey or just wait for us to call you??

[Gigabitch]

Oh, I call my guy friends about as much as they call me. it's one of the ways I keep the relationship defined as a friendship. If I waited for them to call me, I'd be applying the rules of dating to the friendship, and that would indicate that I wanted more.

[cheeze_guy]

It could also be because she doesn't know if you really are intrested and shes testing you! Life is a test after all I wouldn't worry about it and as long as they want you to keep callin keep on callin!

[lovinlife1980]

I understand girls want to test guys to make sure they are truly interested but I think guys like to do the same thing. Atleast i do. For instance, i will be the one to call a girl for a while and then sometimes i wont call just to see if she will. I find after a few days most girls dont call me. And when i finally do call them they always say something like "why havent you called?" Then im confused if she really wants to keep talking to me like that. Maybe she's scared to hurt my feelings but girls dont understand that a guy needs to hear it "straight out" sometimes when it comes to important matters like that and not always subtle hints. I mean i can tell if a girl isnt into me still but sometimes i think i jump to conclusions and end something and find out later that she was still totally into me. I think my biggest point is just that most girls dont show their affection enough to keep a guy reminded that he's special to her. I mean we have feelings too and thats the big misconception most people overlook.....

[vashti]

I don't know what to tell you. I don't think it is in most girl's nature to not be affectionate. You must be attracting a certain "type" of girl.

[Gigabitch]

No, the way to test a girl is to call her when you know she can't answer the phone and see how soon she gets back to you, not to simply stop calling her.

[pinkscorpion]

I only call guys I'm seeing IF I haven't spoken to them in like 2 weeks and then it's usually to say, of course, "Why haven't you called me?" Sometimes I won't even do that; I'll just write the guy off as an asshole who hasn't called me in 2 weeks.

A lot of girls are very traditional when it comes to dating etiquette, even if they aren't traditional in any other way. Personally, when I feel like I have to be the aggressor, it makes me feel like "the man" and that's a huge turn-off for me.

[lovinlife1980]

Ya I understand where you are coming from there. I thought about the aggressor thing myself. I had another thing happen to me quite often with LOTS of girls. I'll call them and we'll be talkin a while and they say something like "im driving,can you call me back in a little while?" Now my question here is...wouldnt it be much simpler and the common sense way of doing things by HER calling ME when she's not busy anymore so im not guessing if she is still driving down the road or whatever?