First Time Internet Dating. Need Advice...

[Dolmetscher]

We have not yet talked on the phone.

We met on OkCupid.com. We Facebook friended each other. We exchanged numbers. And we basically communicated in some print format for about a month. It was all very casual. No one started jumping the gun using words like: love, relationship, sex, future... none of that. But it was a very nice thing. She and I seem to have an extremely compatible way about us. So she eventually started asking if we could just meet for a drink, as friends.

I had told her on the very first day that we met that I was married for 10 years, and that I left her 2 years ago, and flopped right into a rebound thing with a girl ten year younger than me, that laster 9 months. And after all that it really messed me up for a while. And then I started dating a lot, and it really sucked. So I made a promise to myself that I would not go on a date for a year. This would mean that we could not meet for another 3 months.

Well, after a minth I started to kinda cave in. Because I do like this girl, I said that I think we chould meet, but I wasn't sure when I would be available as I am extremely busy for the rest of this month. But I did hint that I would like to meet. Well then I thought about it, and decided that I didn't want to meet (as mentioned above, because of my promise to myself). So I sent her an email that basically just reiterated that I do not think it would be a good idea for us to meet just yet.

Well, she got very cold after that. She tried to act like it was all fine. But she changed her language completely. She said, "Dude... do whatever you gotta do. I was just trying to have a drink with you as friends. It's not like I was gonna ask to move in with you or whatever." So the next time I saw her on Facebook, I told her that I didn't mean to offend her. And she continued with the cold shoulder; she started saying things very differently from the month previous. It was as if I had flipped a switch in her, and she was no longer interested in me at all. Very cold.

Now, granted, this whole situation is not that important. If she disappears out of my life, I won't really die from the tragedy. But I want to make sure that I learn as much as I can from every situation so that I do not just repeat them over and over again. I would like to keep this girl in my life, and maybe really meet her someday soon. But I don't want to appear like some needy, apologetic rag either. I told her I didn't mean to offend her. I don't know. I've apologized already, but it has been 3 days and she has given me 100% radio silence. And we used to text or FB at least two or three times a day. So she is definitely mad/hurt/sad/upset/angry/something.

What do you guys think I should do? And what do you think I did wrong (if anything). Any advice, including "forget her" would be very much appreciated right now. Her birthday is coming up in 9 days, and I wanted to send her a card... but...???

Thanks guys! You are the best.

[1averagejoe]

Well...you pretty much told her you didn't want to date her on your first date, then you're sending signals back and forward to this girl that you like her. If you weren't ready to date, you shouldn't have led her on and asked her out. The poor girl is probably flat out confused and feels like she's being strung along. You don't know what you want, and she isn't going to wait around for you to figure it out. You screwed up, let this one go. Talking about ex's on the first date is a telltale sign that you're not over your past. Work on yourself before you go out and date again, you're just digging yourself into a bigger hole.

Rule #1 about first dates: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER TALK ABOUT YOUR EX's OR PAST MARRIAGE(S) It's a hug turn off.

[xxazurexx]

Yeah, that is a big NO NO and talking about your exes and past relationships and it's offputting. Fair enough and if you mention the fact you have been married, but you don't ramble on about it.

As for your not meeting her, I'm thinking you are making excuses about this not wanting to date for another three months...wtf?? and she will be thinking the same....that is it EXCUSES and she is being strung along! A guy who claimed to like me, yet was backing out of meeting me - well I'd assume he wasn't that interested in meeting me too and I'd have done the same as she has and not to waste any further time on you. Too many other men out there and to waste time on 'one' who is 'wishy washy'.