Out of options, out of hope

[OnlyOne]

I apologize if this post will end up being long, but I've been meaning to post it for almost 6 months now. It may be a lot to digest. I've been a forum lurker for almost 3 years now and I would really appreciate if you could read this in its entirety. I'm 20, she's 20.

My girlfriend and I were together from May 2009 to late January 2011. It was my first relationship and her second. I met her over Xbox Live through a friend, actually. She met her first boyfriend this way and they had a long distance relationship for 4 years until she met me. She was never happy with him and simply had a very low self-esteem. When they met she was very much a goth-like girl and he was more of a gross long-haired redneck type. When we met they were still together, but she had grown to be more feminine and had really begun working on modeling. She didn't have any friends of hers really and slowly melded into my group of friends.

Over months of talking with her online we had an amazing weekend where we shared or first kiss and began going out. This was all right before we graduated high school. The following summer would be the greatest part of my life and the strongest part of our relationship. We were madly infatuated for one another and had sex nearly everyday. Finding out she had sex with her previous boyfriend was a decent sized blow to me, but I overlooked it.

Her ex kept bothering her and she admitted he threatened her with blackmail. She admitted that he had a few pictures of her. Around August I was able to hack into the scumbags e-mail account to erase these pictures. Little did I know this action would change our relationship forever. I found nearly 100 photos that she sent him ranging from topless to bottomless photos. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Then I found 2 videos she recorded on her phone of them together... it crushed me. The next day I told her and she was shattered saying "now I can't be happy, I was just starting to get a new life! I did these things because I was so depressed, I didn't care!"

I forgave her, but this would be an issue that would eat at me for almost a year and enter some of our arguments. It changed my perception of her. Things were still great afterward, but never the same... I intended to make a post her back then about my problems with this, but I've managed to put all this in the past. I feel like this is a pattern and I'm just another guy in her rounds. Easily replaceable. Let alone that my group of friends notice all this and it embarrasses me to no end. A knife has been plunged into my back.

Fast forward to around November 2010. We both go to the same Community College and are finishing up our 3rd semester. She's been much less intimate. We've gone from having sex everyday or so to sometimes taking breaks of 3 weeks to a month. I have also been a little short and cold with her around this time because school has been extremely stressing. Around December we fought a lot and went from seeing one another EVERYDAY like before to not talking some days. She began hanging around with two of my friends in particular a lot more. From January 1st-11th she went on a Caribbean cruise with my family... the last moments of our relationship.

Throughout the cruise she wouldn't give me any attention. EVERYTHING revolved around that ****ing phone of hers, texting someone in my group of friends that I wasn't super close to. He was kind of the quiet yet funny guy of our group. Funny, but you would never expected him to be a relationship type of guy as he was odd. At dinner, in our room, everywhere; she was texting and receiving messages every 10 minutes or so. It became a huge issue over the vacation.

Once we returned home we didn't talk for some time seeing how we were together for a straight 10 days. She thought we needed to take a small break just to re-adjust. These words scared me, especially since she was hanging out with this new friend all the time. I made this a big issue and would tell her how I thought she liked him although she claimed him to only be a friend.

This is now where I am today. Over the past 3 months I suppose we're technically separated. Intermittent there's been points where I've cried hysterically to her, wondering what I've done wrong. She says she still loves me the same, but we weren't happy those last few months and whatnot. She says if things were meant to be they'll happen and so on. I try not contacting her for a week or so to see if that works, I've tried hanging out as much as I could to try and "woo her" back. We still hug and cuddle like a couple sometimes, but never kiss. She still hangs out with this friend and texts him 24/7, even while she's over yet claims he's only a friend. They've largely detached from our group of friends.

I don't know what to do anymore. All of 2011 I've been insanely depressed about this. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm transferring away to another college after this Summer while she's staying here. I have no idea what to do and feel utterly helpless. There was a time even when she told her mom on the phone that she thinks we're getting back together only for it to take a 360 and never work out. I feel like she's playing with my heart. Any time I hear she's hanging out with this friend it KILLS ME and it usually results in a texting tirade to her phone from me. I've tried moving on and looking for others, but that's just not me. I love her, I want her.


I know that was tons of information... but I just had to write it all down, whether you guys read it all or not. It helps me as well. I'm really lost right now. I dream about her every night. My sleep cycle is screwed and my life feels like it's in ruins... I would give the world to fix all this. I don't know whether to be in contact with her, try and give her even more space than I have, or forget her altogether. We were so close to one another...

[DarkHelmet82]

Was she with you when she sent this guy the pictures?

[OnlyOne]

Was she with you when she sent this guy the pictures?

No, it was in the past. The last thing I think was a video of them... doing things. That was in January and we started going out in May.

[98db]

It would seem obvious to me that she likes the other guy more than you now. You're young, just walk away. I don't think I would have been able to deal with those pictures either. I bet she probably already sent similar type pictures to the other guy.

[OnlyOne]

She's not that type of girl. She did that while in deep depression and especially since that dirtbag was abusive towards her. He would threaten to break up with her if she didn't send pictures like that. They were long distance and he was a massive asshole. I don't know why she would still cuddle with me or play with my mind if she liked this new kid. She is typically very direct. This kid is just someone who doesn't have a relationship. He's too.... weird.

[DarkHelmet82]

She's not that type of girl. She did that while in deep depression and especially since that dirtbag was abusive towards her. He would threaten to break up with her if she didn't send pictures like that. They were long distance and he was a massive asshole. I don't know why she would still cuddle with me or play with my mind if she liked this new kid. She is typically very direct. This kid is just someone who doesn't have a relationship. He's too.... weird.

Maybe she doesnt know what she wants.. Women espeically young ones dont know what they want... there are exceptions of course... also the reasons you have stated is the perfect answer to why you SHOULD NOT stalk, hack emails, facebook ex boyfriends etc. It just opens up a Pandoras box of crap, and because of it it has sabatoged your relationship.

[EmptyInside]

In my opinion,

She found the other guy more entertaining/attractive, so she slowly pushed you aside. In your case, I'd just walk away from her, she doesn't deserve you. I think you'd be better off without her, and find someone else new like I have. Me and my X broke up 1 month and some ago, I don't even bother to count, and as I slowly tries to CUT my contact with her, I felt better, more happy and totally surprised of how GOOD I actually feel. Right now, I found another girl, she's 5 years older than me, but who gives a crap, I like her alot, and we're having a good time. Althought I know this might be a rebound, that's why I'm starting slow and avoiding all those mistakes I did with my X.

Well..I'm not such a pro when it comes to relationships, I hope I helped..somehow, sorry.

[Cerby]

I can attest to the reasons why you should not hack, stalk, or go into peoples things. I've learned that even in some of the happiest relationships, you will find something nasty if you dig hard enough. And sometimes it will change the entire relationship (as it did here). Once a long time ago a gf of mine left her phone on the table, and for some dumbass reason I went through it and found a pile of things that pissed me off. In hindsight, none of those things would have mattered if I hadn't gone digging. Even though she loved me, I was jaded for weeks over it, started stupid fights, and may have opened the door to the end of the relationship.

never EVER go through your significants others past, or through their personal things, you WILL find things you don't like.

[OnlyOne]

That issue isn't what killed our relationship I don't think though. It just soured it a little, but i was able to get past that. She clearly tells me "I don't know what I want," but I find that to be bullshit when I hear it. Maybe it's just because I'm so sure of what I want...

While all signs point to it, I'm not so sure she does feel that way about this new person. He's just... not an attractive guy. He's not a relationship type. If she does find him attractive, that's a real blow to my self-esteem haha.

People tell me to move on, but it's too damn hard. She was my very best friend for almost 2 years. My world revolved around her and I find it difficult to operate. It has been 4 months and I still dream about her and wake up depressed. I can't bring myself to delete all out photos from my computer. They were such good memories...

edit: However, I did block her phone number this morning. Maybe if I force myself into this it would work.

[DarkHelmet82]

Just because she says something doesnt make it true... when women say "i dont know what i want" what that actually means in ENGLISH is: I think we should break up but I want to keep you around just in case I cant do better.

[Mathias]

While all signs point to it, I'm not so sure she does feel that way about this new person. He's just... not an attractive guy. He's not a relationship type. If she does find him attractive, that's a real blow to my self-esteem haha.

Women's brains don't work like ours do when it comes to this stuff.