What am I thinking?

[newgirl09]

Im 24 and I don't understand why whenever my boyfriend gets busy or needs to get off the phone early, I can't help but worry about him and wonder if somethings wrong or if he's okay. I end up calling him right back, I can't help it. Why do I feel like this?

[Only-virgins]

I call it paranoia.

[Indignant]

Paranoia is a thought process characterized by excessive anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion.

[newgirl09]

paranoid of what, i dont even know what im worrying about my heart just starts to race and I cant stop thinking about it

[cmiles1989]

have you been hurt in the past by a former partner? sounds similar to me and just wondering if my partner is faithfull

[Only-virgins]

paranoid of what

His well being you douche.

[newgirl09]

that wasnt very nice . and Yes I have been hurt in the past, could that be what causes of it, will it ruin my relationship me doing this?

[Aeradalia]

You just fear losing him and are wanting more reassurance that he will stay.. hence the sudden and intense interest in what he's doing and what his emotional state is.

A small amount of this is to be expected in a relationship... however, when it becomes excessive it can smother the other person, make them feel that you do not trust them, and eventually lead to becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy (in that you fear they'll leave, then your insecurities disrupts the trust in the relationship, and thus they do leave - just as you had feared).

Regardless of what happens in the future... you have to relax and trust them now. Even if the relationship were to end at some point... let it end on something else - not on account of your insecurities. By trusting that your partner will be faithful to you, your relationship will have the greatest chance for success.


So basically, relax and trust that he won't leave or cheat on you. He's probably a good guy and not even thinking about doing any of those things. And more importantly - he's not the same as the guys in the past... this is a different relationship with a different man.

[Gigabitch]

that wasnt very nice . and Yes I have been hurt in the past, could that be what causes of it, will it ruin my relationship me doing this?

It's possible. At the very least, you're going to screw up the balance of power. It should be close to equal, and you're not holding up your end.

You need to discipline yourself, girl.

[Sonrisa]

Im 24 and I don't understand why whenever my boyfriend gets busy or needs to get off the phone early, I can't help but worry about him and wonder if somethings wrong or if he's okay. I end up calling him right back, I can't help it. Why do I feel like this?

try not to exceed more than 3 phone calls a day, as well as give him a chance to call you.

[Aeradalia]

It's possible. At the very least, you're going to screw up the balance of power. It should be close to equal, and you're not holding up your end.

You need to discipline yourself, girl.

This is a little vague for someone who doesn't understand how insecurities can wreak havoc in a relationship and still remain a mystery to the one who feels them.

Balance of power in a relationship can be achieved in many ways... many of which may be irrelevant with the OP's current situation.

I agree... discipline is needed on the OP's part... but how is she going to achieve discipline? What is it that she needs to do? She clearly doesn't fully understand what to do, but appears anxious to do something beneficial for herself and her relationship... or else she wouldn't be here.



A suggestion to achieve the balance of power in the OP's relationship would be for her to take steps to resist the urge to call and 'check on him' nearly so often... and to forcefully remind herself that he's ok and he's not planning to leave or cheat. The discipline she needs is to adhere to this despite her compulsions to do otherwise.

This would be a first step to a healthier and happier relationship.