online dating e-mail issue

[ThinkDreamDo]

Hi there:
I am doing online dating and I've had several really atttractive, intelligent, interesting guys write to me. They ask me about myself and share a little information about themselves.

So generally the next day I write them back, answering their questions, asking a little about them based on what they've shared in their e-mail or profile, in a friendly way without assuming anything, without asking anything too private. For instance, he tells me he has kids, I ask how old are they? Or he tells me he's an artist & I tell him about my interest in art & ask him about how he got into it.

And then they don't write back.

I'm a sane, intelligent, and attractive woman with solid social & communication skills. Am I missing something here? What makes a man approach a woman and then drop the exchange when she shows a little friendly interest?

[smackie9]

It's the internet where they have access to hundreds of women everyday. Sign up with a paid dating service. They set up real dates for you and you get real results. These dating sites are full of liars and losers. So many women get victimized because you don't know how many other women they are hooking up with or if they are married. With a paid dating service everyone is interviewed personally and back grounds are checked. If people pay for it that means they are seriously looking for a mate.

[Boisdevie]

Disagree with the last poster. Just because a site is free does not mean it's rubbish. And liars on such sites can be men or women. Problem is that if you start using dating sites you don't know who you're talking to and sites that start as being free start to charge when you want to email someone - and is that person real or just created to generate income for the site?
And I met my GF on a free site so I'm not talking bullshit

[ThinkDreamDo]

Interesting perpsectives, fellas! It is a free site but I've seen some of these same guys on paid sites as well (they come up in my searches since I iuse the same criteria).

I'd still love to hear more about why a guy shows interest and then backs off when the woman responds (and I'm not jumping all over them, like I said, just making friendly conversation/getting to know you stuff). Here's another: one man wrote me almost two weeks ago, said I seemed like someone he'd really like to know, but that he was busy and planned to write to me. I really liked his profile; he seemed super-thoughtful & interesting, so I wrote a short note saying I was glad to hear from him, and I've heard nothing since.

I mean, WTF is up with these guys? I get hopeful that maybe I can really get to know someone worth knowing and then bam, they vanish.

[girl68]

Disagree with the last poster. Just because a site is free does not mean it's rubbish. And liars on such sites can be men or women. Problem is that if you start using dating sites you don't know who you're talking to and sites that start as being free start to charge when you want to email someone - and is that person real or just created to generate income for the site?
And I met my GF on a free site so I'm not talking bullshit

I disagree with you. I think we're talking generally glad you met a nice girl on a free site. But I was once on at least 3 free sites. I met ONE nice guy and a LOT of douches. A LOT, like at least 25 messages a day (for about a month) for guys that either wrote "hey, you're hot" or "wanna F**k?" type messages to me. I would have 100% signed up for a paid site to weed out not all but MOST sleezy douche bags. At least 4 personal friends have had extreme success on paid sites... every one of them had the same troubles being solicited for sex on the free ones.

You may be an exception but it's certainly not the general rule.

[girl68]

To answer you question: perhaps the man himself has message 30 women in one day. You and several others respond, of those responses he only re-respondes to even less... Maybe you didn't make the "cut"? I'm not really sure...

I still vouch for paid sites over free ones though.

[ThinkDreamDo]

Not making the cut kinda makes sense... I've been told I'm beautiful but I'm in my 40s & sure many of these guys in their 40s have women younger or prettier than me interested in them... or maybe once they know I'm intersted they can put me on a back burner while they pursue other leads...? Makes sense but it sucks!!

[xxazurexx]

I've used a 'free site' before and I tended to find that there are some decent people on there, although they are few and far between It was just a 'chat and flirt' site, but over the years has become more like a 'porn' site. Most of the guys on it were looking for nothing more that dirty chat, one night stands, no strings sex and which was obvious by the content of their profile 'About Me' section and their usernames which would be sexually suggestive. Supposedly and from what some of the guys told me, the women on there are much worse than the men and will approach guys with filth talk and want to have cyber sex. It is no more than a married mans playground and if he's looking for a dirty slapper for cheap thrills on the side....plenty of women on there who would willingly provide.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand,

I would guess there are a few reasons why men may not answer back.

1. He could have already met the girl he wants to meet in real life....and has closed all other options off and until he meets her and see what transpires. He could be on there chatting to her every day and until they meet...
2. You come across as too much of a 'lady'...when these men could be looking for no more than a 'roll in the hay' with an easy piece of meat.
3. You come across that you are seeking a genuine relationship. They might claim they are, when in truth they are not. This 'seeking a relationship' is sometimes just said and to attract and lure women....men tend to think that a relationship is what 'every' woman is looking for.
4. Despite your being 'attractive', you still may not be his type. You can't expect and shouldn't expect that you will be 'everyones' cup of tea and because you won't be. Different things attract different people.

Probably many other reasons....

Like I said. On these free sites I got to know decent guys, but then there were also guys who were undoubtedly huge players...the kind who tell you they are seeking a relationship, he's never felt such a connection with any other woman and loves you after 3 days and he's planning your futures within a week..lol. PLEASE BEWARE, this loser and on your travels....

[xxazurexx]

Not making the cut kinda makes sense... I've been told I'm beautiful but I'm in my 40s & sure many of these guys in their 40s have women younger or prettier than me interested in them... or maybe once they know I'm intersted they can put me on a back burner while they pursue other leads...? Makes sense but it sucks!!

Youth doesn't equal beauty...

On the site I went on, I saw women in their late thirties/forties that put the younger women to SHAME!!! lol

[xxazurexx]

I disagree with you. I think we're talking generally glad you met a nice girl on a free site. But I was once on at least 3 free sites. I met ONE nice guy and a LOT of douches. A LOT, like at least 25 messages a day (for about a month) for guys that either wrote "hey, you're hot" or "wanna F**k?" type messages to me. I would have 100% signed up for a paid site to weed out not all but MOST sleezy douche bags. At least 4 personal friends have had extreme success on paid sites... every one of them had the same troubles being solicited for sex on the free ones.

You may be an exception but it's certainly not the general rule.

Yeah, I found this too....

Men who would mail 'I'd like to fck you'...'Hey Sexy'...'God you are hot, want to have fun with me'.....and men who would send pure filth!!

Very, verrrry few, 'quality' men....

[girl68]

Yeah, I seriously met the sweetest, kindest guy ever... met him and there was absolutely NO physical attraction on my part. It was unforunate there was such emotional chemistry. But there would have never been sex, and therefore would never work

But yeah, sleezy guys on free sites- mostly, certainly not ALL.

OP- just keep trying, power in numbers, I do suggest you find guys you like and YOU message them first... that and get on those reputable paid sites.

[ThinkDreamDo]

"4. Despite your being 'attractive', you still may not be his type. You can't expect and shouldn't expect that you will be 'everyones' cup of tea and because you won't be. Different things attract different people."

True enough! -- Though why did they write me in the 1st place if I'm not their type?

Anyway...

Thanks, everyone! I'm also in a couple of meetup groups and hope to meet some people in real life.

Best to all,
K

[smackie9]

Dating is a crap shoot....you never know when you will get a hit.

[xxazurexx]

"4. Despite your being 'attractive', you still may not be his type. You can't expect and shouldn't expect that you will be 'everyones' cup of tea and because you won't be. Different things attract different people."

True enough! -- Though why did they write me in the 1st place if I'm not their type?

Someone more his type may have mailed him afterwards.

[sookie6]

A man once explained to me that he works with possibilities on these websites..;meaning you will hold their interest until someone else has something more interesting to offer...could be anything...looks...family situation..;age...who knows...this cold and harsh reality put me off for a while since I've had the same experience as you a few times and could not explain why communication could stop so bluntly...

To me nothing will ever replace meeting and growing to like/love someone in real life...dating websites are a bonus but should be used with precaution and realism...