Getting interest from a friend who knows I like her

[drabdag]

I've got a girl who's my best and closest friend but I want to be more. I screwed up confessing my feelings and I think I just scared her away but I know I have it where it matters to her (aka, she finds me attractive and likes my company, etc) I just need to rekindle that sort of interest from her (it was there once, she liked me a lot) because she says that we're so close that she just sees me as a friend now. She's dating now and it's making me feel awful and if I can't go out with her and she just goes out with someone else then I'm gonna cut things off between us cos it's really getting to me. I need to know though, what's the best thing I can do to spark some interest when she's expecting flirting? She's insisted to me that she just wants to have some fun dating and that's all but she's getting close to one of the guys. I insisted that for now I'm happy just being friends while she's having fun dating but I want to have a chance with her myself one day and we've hung out a few times since then (I told her just over a week ago). I don't want to make her choose between me and this other guy because that'd just put pressure on her and I don't want to pester her cos that's a turn off as well.

[Tone]

Show her you're worth takin a second look at.

[drabdag]

That's what I've been trying to do but I think I'm just pushing her away. I'm gonna tell her that I don't think we should hang out anymore because I can't be bothered pretending it doesn't bother me to see her with someone else and having to pretend to be happy when I'm not. A lot of people have told me that it's gotten to the point where she may like me but doesn't feel any rush to give me another chance because she thinks I'll be there whatever happens so this should remedy that. We'll still see each other all the time because we hang around with the same groups and there'll be plenty of opportunities for her to talk to me and whatever.

[Lance Taylor]

drabdag, first of all let me tell you that I feel for you. I have been in your situation before and you are making the right step by trying to get advice. The hardest part, however, will be following it with so many emotions involved.

For whatever reason, she isnt attracted to you. Yes, she may think you are good looking, she may enjoy your company, but she does not perceive you as a person she wants to date. So the first thing you have to do is find out why that is, and take the steps to fix it.

From the limited info youve posted, it seems that you may have become too needy, thereby lowering your value in her eyes. Youve told her that you will wait for her while she dates other people, you are contemplating not talking to her because its too hard on you, etc. The best decision you have made is not asking her to make a decision b/c she would have definitely picked the other guy.

Now, how to fix it. First of all, women make decisions based on emotion not logic, so dont ever try to convince her that she should date you by presenting a logical argument. I have no doubt that you are a great guy, but for whatever reason women arent attracted to great guys. You have to make her feel the emotions of wanting to be with you (and then she will come up with a logical reason on her own).

You can do this a number of ways, first by becoming scarce. Scarcity creates value. I dont mean stop talking to her, but next time she wants you to go do something, tell her that you already have plans but you will do it next time. Next, DONT EVER show your jealousy about who she is dating. This gives you a low value because you are insecure about other guys. Have the attitude of "Im the best guy for her, and If she goes out with someone else its her loss". Lastly, you should start dating other girls. Dont rub it in her face (b/c that makes you look desparate for her attention) just have a good time and if word gets back to her then act like its no big deal.

All of these will trigger emotional reactions in her that will make you more attractive. The most important, however, is reestablishing your value by having other options. If she feels like you have no options, then there is no urgency for her to try and date you. Think of it as her chasing you instead of the other way around. I know the hardest part is thinking that you are gonna lose her if you dont let her know how you feel. But trust me, you will NEVER have her unless you are at least able to act like you arent afraid of losing her

Hope this helps, and good luck!

[Gigabitch]

I insisted that for now I'm happy just being friends while she's having fun dating but I want to have a chance with her myself one day

....and this was the moment where she decided that you have no cojones and you ceased to be an option for her.

I don't know if you can rectify her perception of you as being completely neutered, but I can guarantee you that that is where your problem lies. If a guy said this to me, I'm not sure if I could ever take him seriously.

[Tone]

I agree w/ the previous 2 posts.

Telling her you don't want to see her anymore because it's too hard to not be with her (although it may be true) is WEAK and won't help your case w/ her, I don't think.