Don't know if its a heartache or a tv show.

[ididntdoit2000]

OK Here goes. I've been dating a wonderfull lady (or so i thought) from the west coast. She's in town more than not because of her ailing mother. When she's here she normally stays with her and her step dad and step brother. (very important) Out west she has 3 kids and a husband who she has been seperated for about 18 months now. They all live in the same house. (for kids i thought)

** background very important **

Everything has been going just fine. Our relationship grew expodentually over the last few months. Recently though she has been real distant and we havent seen each other alot in the last few weeks. when i call the converstaions are very short and she doesn't call me back. She went to philadelphia with her step brothre this week end for a concert. No problem. I needed to get in touch with her yesterday and couldn't. So i call mom and this is what i find out ...

She had been dating a guy before me lets call him J. Her mother told me that J. is actually the step brother. Now i'm not making this up. Don't laugh. And they have been planing to get away together for a week or 2 now, but didn't have the money to get away. So who was the idiot who financed this trip? Anyway I was told that they have been sleeping in the same bed for a week now. She told mom she just had to be sure and this would be a sure way to tell. Which mom dissaproved and was gonna call me but she took ny numbers out of the phone so she couldn't.

My problem is that next weekend i planned a trip to VT for us and planned on asking the big question. I really don't know what to do. What if she decided that she was sure about me? How do i handle this. I want to kill her. (not literally) If i would have known the circumstances with J. i wouldn't have made the call the day after we met or allowed myself to fall this much in love. Any advice right know would help. i'm dreading talking to her right now because i don't know what to say. Please Help Me.

More info upon request if needed. Thank You

[King Zarathu]

She's living with a husband that she's been seperated from? That's a red flag right there, get out of that situation.

[ididntdoit2000]

Husband is not an issue or hasn't been. We've met and went out together. But I do understand your point. It was an issue with me before things got serious.

[vashti]

What do you mean the husband isn't an issue? She is still married, isn't she? Were you planning on practicing polygamy with her?

How old are you? Because even aside from the husband, the fact that she is sleeping with her step-brother makes this a very poor proposition. Did you really need someone to tell you that?

[ididntdoit2000]

I'm 35 The divorce papers are already signed. Now to let everyone know i had no previous knowledge of the step bro thing till now. Not that i'm defending her but he just actually became her step brother 3 months ago. Maybee i'm just plain crazy. i don't know but thanks. Starting to see a different side other than hers and mine.

[thinker]

Yeah... this is honestly a bit over your head... personally I would have been scared away several times by now

I know you have strong feelings for her; i.e. about to propose... and those are surely clouding your judgement right now. So let me clear things up a bit

There are some facts you cannot argue or get around; first, she is living with the ex. As said before, HUGE red light; doesn't matter how "over it" she is; just bad sign in general, but not as bad as the BIG HUGE GET AWAY SIREN RED LIGHT; i.e. SHE IS SLEEPING WITH HER F*CKING STEP BROTHER!!!!!! I do not mean to rub this the wrong way, but it really seems like you are totally minimizing this situation and trying to justify her actions... so I feel like someone outside of the situation needs to give their perhaps clearer veiw of things... wtf? Did I totally miss something here?

There is clearly some major issues going on here that you cannot fix no matter what. That really sucks, and is one of the hardest things in life to accept; that there is NOTHING you can do to remedy the situation; in fact you are probably only adding confusion sorry to speak... how long have you been "seeing" her? And is she techinically not living nearby? I honestly would say you would be doing yourself a favor by taking the comparitively small heartbreak by closing things off now than trying to fix things and messing yourself up completely. I can honestly see no happy ending for this... she should see some sort of doctor/therapist immediately.

[vashti]

I'm 35 The divorce papers are already signed. Now to let everyone know i had no previous knowledge of the step bro thing till now. Not that i'm defending her but he just actually became her step brother 3 months ago. Maybee i'm just plain crazy. i don't know but thanks. Starting to see a different side other than hers and mine.

Well, even if he weren't related in any way to him, she is still sleeping with someone else. Are you the kind of guy that is willing to share?