Advice about life. Please help.

[Zulnex]

Hello.
Being a very shy person, I find it difficult and embarrassing to talk about my issues. However, I have decided that I need to change.
I lived in a war zone for 5 years (age 8-13) and have seen a lot. I decided to mention it but I am not sure if this relates to my problems.
Since primary school and all the way to college, I have always been shy and did not make any friends. I kept to myself all the time and only worried about my studies (and staying alive during the war).
My college classmates have told me so many times that I was living in a bubble. They wanted me to open up and be their friend. Unfortunately I remained shy.
Needless to say, I have never been in a relationship as well.
I also have anxiety issues. For example, when I go to a shopping mall, I get very uncomfortable seeing so many people around me. My breathing changes and I head to the closest exit. I am making some progress though, so I hope I can be comfortable in such situations one day.
Up until a couple of days ago, I thought I was just a regular guy and that I did not need help. And now I realize if I continue to be so shy, there is no question - I will definitely end up alone.
Since I can't find a job in my filed (medical lab. tech.) I will be driving a truck for now and spend a lot of time on the road alone. That will definitely not help me overcome my shyness. For now, I have no choice.
I feel I am completely stuck. I do not even know how to approach my problems and where to start. Where do I go? What do I do? Counseling? Making some friends on line or real life? How do I make friends? How do relationships work? All these questions are now worrying me.
I feel so embarrassed...
Your valuable and honest advice will be appreciated very, very much. My sincere apologies for the long post.

[Cerby]

Join "Toast Masters", a guy from my work overcame a lot of social anxiety through that group, and they are everywhere. If you're in Canada, there is no doubt a group in your home town.

[dem862]

A counselor will just tell you to get out there and do stuff. Then they will help monitor your progress and support you emotionally. You have to put yourself in the uncomfortable situations until you learn to be comfortable with it. So, yea, join groups and be around people every chance you get. Set some achievable goals for yourself and you will gain confidence in yourself by doing them.

[VerticalMoon]

I was the same way through high school. Then in my senior year of high school, I started seeing a therapist. It made a huge difference. I'm still shy. But at least I made friends in college, whereas I almost certainly would have ended up spending those years alone otherwise. The most useful thing my therapist did was give me regular assignments where I had to approach a certain number of people each week, even if I was just asking to borrow a pencil. I was borrowing a lot of pencils at first, but then it led into me noticing and taking advantage of opportunities to have conversations with people. I had more conversations with classmates my last couple months of high school than I had the previous three and a half years.

From my experience, I'd strongly recommend finding a good counselor or therapist to help you with this. Look for one with a background in cognitive-behavioral therapy. This I know from one of my Psychology classes is the recommended type of therapy for social anxiety. It also means they give you actual assignments to change your behavior pattern, which as I've pointed out was very useful to me. The other half of the therapy is that they'll work with you on changing your thought patterns. Good luck!

[michelle23]

I definitely think counselling will help you. You should go for it.

[HeartIsAching]

Counseling for your PTSD would be a start.

[michelle23]

michelle23 you need counselling it may help you.

what???? My advice to the OP was genuine

[HeartIsAching]

I think it's just language barrier. He's from Iceland.

[Zulnex]

I would like to Thank you very much for your valuable advice. I am in the process of founding a counselor for my issues.

[michelle23]

Thats great really hope it helps good luck to you