Is this behaviour something to worry about... or not??

[fluksblue]

Hello lovely people, I was wondering if I could ask your advice?

My boyfriend and I have been together ten months and live together, he is a session musician and plays as a drummer in different bands. Recently he has been hired to play with a female fronted act with a cute, bubbbly young female singer, they'll be spending a lot of time together but what the hell, it's his job and his passion and I would never have a problem with that and keep my niggles about him spending so much time with a sexy, single lady to myself.

But... The other week he was sending a text to her whilst I was sat next to him, and in the text he called her "babe", babe is what he calls me, I know it's quite a common pet name but he's not the sort of guy that goes around callking people babe... I questioned him about it and he said she was annoying him so he said it so as to not sound too harsh. Not sure about that one.

Now I've been cheated on in the past a few times, been out with some real bastards and now have serious trust issues, but try to reign them in. However I did the age old checking-his-texts-when-he-wasn't-looking routine, which I'm not proud of but if anything I wanted to put my mind at rest. However the conversation I saw between them had him calling her "Hanny" instead of Hannah and her asking him to hang out with her, him saying he couldn't that day but wanted to soon.

I asked him about it, hoping for some reassurance, and instead he got really angry, refused to discuss it or explain and stormed out to work.

Have I gone mad? Am I being out of order or over reacting?

He's said it makes him feel uncomfortable as he's in a band with her and has to see her, but I don't deny him that. To me it would be the same if he worked in a pub or an office with her, I don't feel my boyfriend should be hanging out with single women and calling them pet names if their relationship is professional. And I know how predatory young women can be, my boyfriend is very cute, the girls all have a soft spot for him...

I'm just feeling sick about the whole thing. Don't weant to make a huge deal and "drive him into her arms", but don't want to sit back and say nothing and be treated like a doormat again.

PLEASE HELP!! xx

[legend]

Don't annoy him but keep an eye on him till you make sure about the whole subject

[Gigabitch]

I wouldn't like it either. They are "hanging out" now? If he wants to hang out with her, why not invite her over to your place for dinner, so you can get to know her too?

Am I a jealous bitch? I guess so, but I know who I am and what I'm willing to put up with. I suggest you try to get to the same place in your life. Makes things a lot more straightforward.

[xxazurexx]

The thing about these kinds of situations is, is that if he is going to cheat, he will cheat. You are wasting your time worrying over something that is beyond your control and because you can't control him and what he chooses to do. Only he has the ability to control himself and his actions.

If he loves you, then this girl could do a naked pole dance in front of him and he wouldn't touch her nor be tempted to touch her - he'd come home to you.

If he does cheat on you, then get shot of the loser....for he then proves that he wasn't worth wasting your time on.

[xxazurexx]

I wouldn't like it either. They are "hanging out" now? If he wants to hang out with her, why not invite her over to your place for dinner, so you can get to know her too?

Am I a jealous bitch? I guess so, but I know who I am and what I'm willing to put up with. I suggest you try to get to the same place in your life. Makes things a lot more straightforward.

I used to be the same Giga....once over I wouldn't have liked it either.

But then I learned and became past caring and adopted the attitude, if he loves me, he won't cheat.

If he is gonna cheat he will do it and no amount of my worrying would change it.

Guess I became a hardened bitch.

Mind you, I'd never get involved with a guy who played in bands anyway and because I'd expect he would be surrounded by groupies, etc and that would put me off from picking up with this type of guy anyway. I wouldn't be able to cope with his lifestyle.

[Gigabitch]

The way I see it, there are guidelines that make it difficult for a guy to find himself in a compromising situation. There will be no "Oops, I was drinking shots with these two girls I know and we got too drunk so I drove them home but they lost their house keys so I had to help them break in and then I slipped and my dick fell in both of them, repeatedly" because drinking with female friends without me there is VERBOTEN.

See what I mean?

Even a guy who loves me could make dumb choices and find himself with temptations that he should have avoided.

[xxazurexx]

Yeah, I understand totally what you mean and I wouldn't be happy with a guy like that. I was married to one....

I know I'm of the mindset that if they are going to cheat, they will cheat and regardless, but these days and if I found myself with a guy I couldn't completely trust and he was giving me no reason to trust, placing himself in situations that opened up the opportunity for him to cheat, then I don't care how much I may think of him, I'd rather opt out of the relationship than sit around and wait for him to cheat on me. I've blindly trusted and remained in situations before in which I suspected I could be cheated on and I was.

If I was the OP, I'd simply dump his ass for even contemplating hanging out with her. If he was 'that' serious about me, he'd beg my arse back, turn down her invites to hang out and say he had a gf and inform her that their relationship was strictly professional. I just wouldn't put up with this kind of shit anymore and because I've trusted and one too many times in the past, only to be shat on.

[GenesisxJY01]

you shouldn't be checking his texts behind his back and then tell him about it, of course hes going to get mad, it shows that you have no trust for him, a better thing to do would have been to sit him down and talk with him about your concerns, if you two are a strong couple you should be able to do that and have a good heart to heart conversation. I'd apologize for reading his texts too.

-hope this helped