Can I trust my wife again

[cja1975]

So my wife and I have had some martial problems recently. I later find out she has been texting and calling a certain number after I leave for work at midnight. Come to find out it is a co worker of hers that I have known 30 years. I confront him and he just tells me they are friendly conversations only. Prior to this happening I noticed the same phone transactions going on before this incident. Well this is also the guy that I know over 30 years. I get them both on the phone and he says she tried to kiss him but he pulled away. Apparently she was having a bad day at work because of our problems. When he asked her what was wrong she burst in tears and tried to kiss him. We worked through this and things have been good. I admit I get a little anxious when she goes to work because they are still co-workers. Also bothered because I asked the guy about the first number and he said it wasn't him. Long short he changed his number and began talking to my wife again. I love my wife dearly and don't want to lose her. She has done just about everything for me to forgive her but I just don't fully trust her after several lies to me. What should I do?

[Weston71]

This is tricky.. but in my book a women.. especially a married women should never seek advice or solace from another man.. that's what girl friends are for.. no good comes from a man seeking a woman's help or a women seeking a mans help outside of their relationship..you should be sorting it together.. either with professional help, directly with one another or with a pastor of a church preferably with another of the leaders there as a witness..

My advice tell her your anxieties and request she stop contact with this man for the sake of your marriage and that you seek help together to restore and work on what you have.. remember love is not a 'feeling' alone.. it is a doing word. stay true to your vows and each other and work it out.. 3 people in a marriage is NOT a good idea..

[Snow White]

I agree with Weston. I'm a bit confused. Is your wife still in contact with him with this new number? It doesn't seem like this man was very honest with you about the situation. I'm not sure what his intentions were if he allowed himself to be your wife's shoulder to cry on. It is very easy for one to seek solace in another when you are hurting. The fact that this man that you have known for 30 years kept all of that a secret from you and didn't tell your wife he felt that type of relationship was inappropriate because of your history, feels a bit shady.

Here's the thing...are you willing to forgive her or not? It's not an easy thing. You have been betrayed and he is still in her life work wise. If you want her back, you need to learn how to trust her again. Professional help and lots of honesty is needed.

[dollhouse]

I'd go and talk to the guy on this and leave your wife out of it..as I am sure he'll blab to her afterwards... if this continues to bother you.

[catch_the_music]

Have you talked with your wife about mutually agreed boundaries for opposite sex friendships? My wife and I tell each other when we have dealings with opposite sex friends or coworkers (that are beyond the usual day to day situations). We don't share things with opposite sex friends that are meant to be kept between my wife and I. We also affirm each other as often as we can - to keep our relationship on track. We listen to Christian Family related shows on the radio. We also attend marriage seminars periodically that revitalize our marriage each time. Otherwise, it is too easy to take our spouses for granted - as we go through our busy lives. Hope that helps. You can also check with your local church pastor for advice on this.