My self image is kind of destroyed

[Eva]

Hello,

Let's say that my name is Eva and that I'm somewhere in my 20's.
Sorry if this isn't the right place where to post my thread but it's kind of intimate related too.
So, long story short: I had a relationship that lasted more than 3 years. He was my first in anything, I can say. In all this time he made me lose my confidence in myself. I became very insecure about my looks and also about my sexuality. The truth is that I don't look bad, my body looks normal, some men find me attractive, others don't (I think this goes just like with every other woman). Even if I know these things, I can't imagine myself being naked with a man, I simply can't - when it comes about things like these I freak out and I think that I'm more than ugly.
The next problem is about my sexuality - the same story - my now ex-boyfriend kept telling me how bad I was in bed. Ok, I can take this too, but he was my first man, I asked him what he likes so that I can know, I asked him to teach me - but no-no, he did nothing. I couldn't simply do everything by my head - he was expecting me to do everything while he simply stays. I was always in great pain and the satisfaction was 0.
I can understand that I lack at sexual skills, but come on, it can't be that bad if you practice, right? Now, I'm afraid of this thing too - that any other man will complain about me. I know that not all the men are the same...but it's a great fear that I have...

[MrNiceGuy]

Hello,

The next problem is about my sexuality - the same story - my now ex-boyfriend kept telling me how bad I was in bed... I asked him to teach me - but no-no, he did nothing. I couldn't simply do everything by my head - he was expecting me to do everything while he simply stays. I was always in great pain and the satisfaction was 0.

What?!?!?!

Always? Honestly?

If true...

Sounds like your boyfriend was a jerk and didn't care about your feelings. You are better off without him.

I think maybe the reason you weren't "good"-was because you were hurting?!

[Yggdrasil]

Just as well this abusive person is no longer in your life.

What you should do now is work on your self worth. You are not ugly and you may be inexperienced when it comes to sex, but that's not your fault.

Empower yourself by accepting that he was an asshole for treating you the way he did, and that everything he said about you, was a lie.

It'll take time, but you'll get through this.

Courage.

[Eva]

What?!?!?!

Always? Honestly?

If true...

Sounds like your boyfriend was a jerk and didn't care about your feelings. You are better off without him.

I think maybe the reason you weren't "good"-was because you were hurting?!

Always. I thought a bit about it and I realised that this is kind of strange for a man. No matter how lazy you are, or anything like it - but you can't be that impassive, it's not normal. And yes, a big stop for me was the pain.
@Yggdrasil: I'm glad now that I had the power to put an end to this so called relationship. Thank you, I hope time will solve this problem...
P.S. - sorry about my English

[IndiReloaded]

Eva, this isn't about you. Whenever someone like your ex lashes out like this, its always about some issue he has.

Hold your head up, doll. You are just fine. I am sorry he hurt you, people do sometimes. Don't take it to heart tho.

Take care.

[MrNiceGuy]

Always. I thought a bit about it and I realised that this is kind of strange for a man. No matter how lazy you are, or anything like it - but you can't be that impassive, it's not normal. And yes, a big stop for me was the pain.

Yes. It is strange to just lay there.

And yes, You deserve better.

[ShyGuy81]

Hello Eva,

Yggdrasil is right in what he says.

My first girlfriend was my first of many things, kiss, sexual experiences. She was however very experienced and knew exactly what she liked and was very selfish. There were things I were not very good at and instead of trying to help me she just criticised.

I know exactly how you feel and a lot of my insecurities I brought across into my next relationship which I hoped would fix themselves but that never happened which has been a contributing factor to the breakdown of that relationship. Personally I have started seeing a therapist and I am finding it useful to start to overcome some of the mental barriers that I have.

What you need to remember is that yes you may be inexperienced and part of that will be the lack of confidence that will be holding you back. However when you are with the right person they will allow you to be you and explore your sexuality. The right person will also understand and help you build your confidence up.

Speaking from a mans point of view (all be it an inexperienced one) I would not be put off by a girl who was "inexperienced", I would try and put them at ease and take things nice and slow and explore lots of different things to find out what she likes with her.

Don't worry about it though, when you meet the right person it will be perfect and just happen.

Lee

[lucasshapiro]

You need to get over what this guy said to you!