physical attraction - need help

[fman78]

Hi,
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 1.5 years. We are in great relationship, in most part get along very very well.

However, I find myself struggling with my lack of physical attraction to her. She is not the type that I'm usually attracted to since she is overweight (40lbs above AVERAGE), however I tried and saw past that and do see a lot of things attractive about her heart, character & her love for me.

I try to tell myself that it shouldn't be important, but I can't let it go. I see women all the time who are more fit, and I can't help but think about them, and feel a desire to be with someone more in that sort of shape. (And yet, the thought of actually leaving my girlfriend makes me very sad.)

I avoid discussing this topic. I tell her she is pretty, which is really true. I think she's pretty, but not in a way that necessarily turns me on. She know that I prefer a thinner body type cause she has asked and I've told her with an honest answer.

in terms of activities, I'm very physically active person (play sports 3 times a week) and am in a great shape. She on the other hand is a home person, likes reading and watching movies with no or little activities.

I must say, she was not always like this. She has gained 30lb the past 3 years (before we met) and is very unhappy about it. She wants to get in shape but she hasn't made any real effort to lose any weight. I've tried many many times to get involved, even with walks, slow running or just going to gym. But she always seem to come up with a excuse to not do it.

Our sex life was great till recently. But now that I see more and more of samething, I've lost desire of wanting her. She usually has high desire for sex and wants to do it more often, but I find myself shotting her down a lot more now; cause I don't really feel any of the longing and fire for her that I think should be there. And that's something that's bothering her.

I have started to look at porn more now which I honestly hate doing. But the fact is, the main reason I look at porn is that I like the way those girls look. None of them look like her. So I can't really share it with her, at least not if I'm honest about my thoughts on it. It has been difficult to stop looking at it, because it was serving as a sort of outlet for these feelings and desires.

I don't know if I'm being immature and foolish to let this get in the way of a great relationship. On the other hand, I have needs too. Perhaps I'm being dishonest with her and with myself by downplaying the issue. It's hard to know what to do.

[Sonrisa]

how old are you two?

[bcaulf]

You are dating. There are no kids involved. The physical connection is bad and getting worse. Either accept a future of no sex (bad), cheat (bad), or...

Break up with her and next time try to choose someone you have a physical attraction to, in addition to the also-important heart/character/love. Because buddy, she's never going to get skinny, and you're never going to change into a chubby chaser.

The number of obese people who get to their desired weight and stay there is tiny, like 10-15 percent.