Help ! Just found out that my partner has been a sex worker behind my back

[Marco S]

Hi,
I just joined this forum while looking on the net for places to get help. Right now I am in a dark, dark hole experiencing the worst pain I have ever felt in my 40 years on this planet.

Here`s my story: I have been together with J for two years. We just planned to move together.

Two days ago I found out that she has been working as a profesionell Dominatrix in a BDSM studio the whole time. She always told me that she had a well paid cleaning job in addition to her dayjob. Now I know why she was never willing to meet me on those days.

Her version of the story: She is sorry that she lied to me (for such a long time). The job was well paid (and she really needed the money), there was no intercourse involved, she was never even partially naked and never let her clients touch her.
When talking about her clients she was full of contempt. She also insisted that the vivid phantasies people have about this kind of thing are vastly exaggerated because it is such a taboo. She compared her job to that of a nurse.

My version of the story: Even though she didn`t sleep with other men, she “had sex” with very many people behind my back. For money.
I have always had very jealous feelings, but managed not to be too possessive in my relationships. But my partner having sex with other men is hurting me more than anything else in life. This is my weakest spot and the part where I am most vulnerable.
I understand that other relationships are built on different principles, but this is who I am.

Yesterday she quit the job. But the damage is done. I am dealing with a world of pain right now, working is out of the question.

I still love her. Madly. She still loves me. But I am so afraid that I can`t be strong enough to find a way in which I could forgive her. Too much pain.

Thanks a lot for anything you say to me right now.

Marco

[haxan]

Forget about the Dominatrix stuff. She was deceitful for 2 years, that's enough to know she's toxic and to move on.

[oldskool83]

she told you she was dressed so how are you gonna have text if no ones touching her? i dont really get it. if you cant fogive her you need to let her alone. problem is shes prob does this in the past and its her only way of getting a bf to stay.

[cheekxs]

Dude how can you be with someone without getting to know them first?

I think you did things to fast and without the proper steps.
Like get to know, friends, and then maybe date and then marry.


If you took time to know her , you should have know where she works and get her from her jobs some times .
But not even that did you know.

I think this girls would be lying a lot more shit. i dont know you eater. cause im shore you have other issues 2 that
she have to deal with it.
And you are living a secret life 2 just like her.
Cause you are jealous a lot but you are acting by dont letting your girlfriend know.
Thats creepy and dangerous! cause once something happen and you show it ,it can come out very ugly.

ccause all the time you kept it build up.

I think you need to start worry about your own issue, and stop dating till you are okay.