Saw my ex after 3 months yesterday

[EndlessRomantic]

I've been posting abit on this forum but let me back up a little on my situation.

I dated this girl for 3 years, we were classic, told us we loved each other all the time, talked about marriage, having kids, were we wanted to live etc...

Earlier this summer, she broke up with me. I began smothering her a few a month before she broke it off. The more i smothered her, the more she was distant, and the more I smothered her. I blame myself for the breakup. She started dateing this other guy she always found hot a few weeks after our breakup.

So I saw her yesterday after about a month of 4-5 weekly texts of her wanting to see me. She even sent me 2 texts at 2 am when drunk, pissed that i wouldn't meet with her and that she wanted to see me.

We went to a sushi restaurant for a 3 hours dinner. We caught up, talk about what was going on in our lives and where we were heading.

Now what I noted from our meeting.
1) She doesn't refer to her boyfriend as her boyfriend, but by his first name. She never used my first name ever. I was her boyfriend.
2) When she talk about what she is going to do this summer, she talks about going away to another country alone. Doesn't mention the boyfriend.
3) she talked about how she was feeling down during the last month and had a very hard time. She became teary eyed while talking about it.
4) she laughed uncontrollably at my stupid antics like she always did when we were dating. She nearly chocked at one point.
5) she was very nice, with me, smiled all the time and seemed to have a great time.
6) she asked me if we could see each other again soon.
7) she teased me a few times like she did to grab my attention when she was trying get me interested in her before we dated.

Now, I confused of whether she's still into me or she is just acting friendly.
She did want to stay friends when we broke up. I don't know if I'm seeing things or she's just being friendly.

Anyways, after 3 months of getting over her, seeing friends, meeting new people, etc... I've decided to give it another go. I haven't tried to get her back yet, I was bent on getting over her, but since she decided to contact me again, I've change my plan.

Want I'm thinking of doing for now is to see her a couple times more during the month, and eventually, after a few meetings, ask if she'd be interested for another go. If not, tell her that we shouldn't see each other anoymore. I am not interested in friendship.

Am I going at this the right way? Think I have a chance? Any advice? That mates for the answers!

[Chazza2k]

Hey EndlessRomantic

Perhaps her and the new guy have been having troubles? Do you know if they are still together? I sense that something didn't work out between them. I can see you have a lot of guilt for the breakup, was it genuinely all your fault or did she just break it off because she was interested in someone else? She broke it off with you and blamed you right?

It does seem to me she is very interested in you now again, lots of TXTs late drunken ones aswell and good communication and a really good nite together, its good that you made her wait a month, you don't want to appear that desperate to get her back. I do wonder her reason's though for this sudden change of heart?

I think you playing this perfectly if you want her back, take it slow see how you feel, find out how she feels, she's come back to you here so I think you have the advantage. If you can trust her again or feel you've changed too then give it another go, I would'nt rush into it though.

Goodluck.

[bloodtippedrose]

she starts dating a guy 2 weeks after a 3 year relationship- anyone else find this to be a red flag?

The way i see it, she was interested in this other guy, started seeing him, might have realized after a while that you showed alot more attention and she was better off with you, wants you back. OR shes an attention whore.

I wouldnt look too much into her not talking about her boyfriend. When I talk to my friend Chris in the navy who likes me I dont talk about my boyfriend too much because it kindve makes him upset (not my fault though Ive been totally upfront about my feelings about my bf vs nonexistent feeling for him -_-)

I personally dont believe in second chances. When something occurs in a relationship that was bad enough to end it then I move on and not look back because if it didnt work the first time it wouldnt work the second. Thats my opinion anyway but many think thats too harsh.

If you want to date her again then I think you already have the best plan laid out. Good luck. Dont let her take advantage of you. And remember what smothering does, it pushes away, give some and take some.

[Primo]

Even though it's not what you really want to hear, I agree with bloodtippedrose. I'm not a believer in going backwards in life, especially if there's no family to salvage. Always move forward, especially in affairs of the heart and unfortunately for all of us, those are the hardest to move on from.

There's occasional exceptions, but eventually, usually much sooner than later, the same problems or even new ones re-surface and the relationship takes an even harder fall. I know you're going to try, so good luck to you. I'm not real curious about the short term, but would love to hear from you about 6 months from now to see how it's going.

[EndlessRomantic]

Update: We were supposed to go see a movie together this thursday. She changed her mind and doesn't want to go anymore.

Then she tells me she doesn't want to go because she just got dumped by her boyfriend.
Anyways I dunno where its all going, Kinda confused about everything...

This doesn't change my plan at all, I do feel bad for her, and weirdly enough, I always thought i'd be happy she'd get dumped, but i actually feel for her.

Anyways life goes on...

[Chazza2k]

Hey
I can see your a decent guy feeling for her but I get the feeling shes playing you in all this, Recap, she leaves you after 3 years and starts dating someone 2 weeks later...

3 months later she contacts you, you play a bit hard to get but eventually decide to meet up, you go out and it works well, you back off a bit, arrange something else then she drops this on you? Sorry ER, I find this one a little far fetched in cronology... I suspect her and the new BF seperated a while back...

I guess im saying becareful, my guess is she'll call you up soon saying how sorry she is and how she wants to meet or be with you.. and how much of a mistake this new BF was... Its of course up to you to take it from there.

[davidtorres]

Well if she wants you then she would be with you. If you want her then chase her but expect less from it. You should just date another girl and forget about this one.

[bloodtippedrose]

let me guess, "I just got dumped, im depressed" translates in her head to "Im single and easy to take advantage of right now "

[EndlessRomantic]

@ Chazzak2k

She got dumped a day before she told me, which was a day before we had diner together. A mutual friend confirmed this to me and her facebook also cofirms this. ( A friend told me aswell as I deleted her from there a while back)

I'm currently giving her time alone to think, awaiting her contact. She apologized for dumping me saying she now knows how it feels to be dumped. Whatever that means.

I'm seriously not over her and all this hope is gonna crush me if it fails, but I feel obligated to give this a final chance.

[Chazza2k]

Ok ER, I stand corrected on the timing of things it just seemed a little too convienient for me, but if thats how it was then thats how it was.

I'd be a bit concerned that the new guy dumped her and she's come running back to you in the way that she has. I really hope she not using you as the comfort guy, (someone who builds her lost self-esteem back) as patterns just tend to repeat and the future may play out exactly the same? You say you feel obligated to give this another try? Remember it's upto you if you want that, don't be guilted into anything, easier said than done though I know, I have beat myself up many times over the things that went wrong with my EX, and part of me wishes I can change the past but thats impossible (unless you know someone with a time machine ).

I can see you still have feeling for her and want to give this another try so I wish you well with it and I hope it all works out for you.

Goodluck EndlessRomantic